4D Ultrasound

Yesterday we went for our second 4D ultrasound of Gabbie.  Chris purchased this for me for Christmas so we could see our angel one more time before she comes in a few more weeks.  What an amazing experience.  Not only did we get pictures and a DVD to have for a lifetime, but a bear that they recorded her heartbeat in so we have it as a keepsake.  It was an amazing day.  However, the real gift came later that night.  I had horrible contractions that night and was up until 4am with contractions before the medications kicked in. We should have gone in to the hospital, but the Dr said it was our call. After a few dosages, I slept and they relaxed down a lot to the point I could get comfortable again. Meanwhile Chris cleaned and worked on stuff in the house including putting things together for Gabbie.  I woke up at 5:30 to hear music from the family room. I came in here to find Chris watching the video of Gabbie from earlier that day. They put it to music that just really and truly describes what a miracle she is.  For example, "You Are So Beautiful". When I came in he had already watched it 3 times before he had me watch it with him again.  Listening to him talk about Gabbie and how beautiful she is, just melted my heart.  I don't think life can get any better. Honestly....we are really and truly blessed to say the least and can't wait to actually hold our little angel.  Here are a few pictures of her...  Chris loves the one of her flipping off the camera.  She is definitely his daughter.  :)

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Christmas 2011

We had an amazing Christmas.  Gabbie is so loved that is for sure.  I am not going to write much, but wanted to post a few pics of my amazing supportive family that I love so much.  We couldn't have done IVF and got to where we are without them.  I wish I had one of my dad with us on this day, but I will put one of him with Gabbie when she arrives.  :) 

Merry Christmas Eve! MEMORIES!

WOW!  Are we really about to celebrate a holiday and not be depressed for the first time in 6 years!  Unreal!  As Chris and I laid in bed and talked the other night, we thought back about all of the holidays we were just sad and down as we didn't have the one gift that we had wanted for so long.  I remember each of those holidays like they were yesterday.  We would wake up and just dread going over to my parents house as we knew our nieces would be there and it was just like the biggest slap in the face that we didn't have a child.  We would fight many of these mornings as neither of us really knew how to cope and face the day.  Thank God for my amazing family that after a few years of our struggles finally understood what we were going through with each holiday.  How could you not see the pain and tears in our eyes. 

I remember last Christmas like it was yesterday as we had a new sense of hope because our friend Stef Baldwin shared with us about a new doctor in St. Louis that was a top notch doctor and a cheaper doctor for IVF.  We knew on last years Christmas that we were going to meet with that doctor and quite possibly give ourselves one more chance at infertility treatment.  This hope made last years holiday a little bit easier for the both of us and gave us life again.  I can't begin to say how thankful I am to Stef for telling me about Dr. Ahlering.  Stef is truly one of the angels that God put in my life for a reason.  I am forever indebted to her as she is the one that is making our dreams come true.  I know I have told her this over and over, but I would do anything for her and her triplets.

Now the present day and we are either days, weeks, or months away from meeting our little miracle.  This road has definitely not been easy even with the actual pregnancy, but all of this is making me stronger.  I have prepared myself that she could be here today, tomorrow, or in a few weeks as nothing that happens to me is normal.  :)  I know that some people are like think positive, but they haven't been in my shoes and have no idea what we have endured and continue to endure.  Right now I am on bedrest from school as I am already dilated and effaced.  On top of that having lots of contractions and on meds to stop the contractions.  Everyday any more has me wondering, but I know that God is watching over us and our little Gabbie.  I am so ready to meet her, but hoping and praying that she stays put a while longer.  I will be 31 weeks in a few more days and welcome each day of this pregnancy with a smile on my face as my doctor said we aren't counting each week as a milestone now, but each day.  Who knows what will happen these next few weeks, but so blessed and excited about our miracle baby that will be entering the world.

I know that with this holiday I have a smile on my face, a bounce in my step, and as my friends say I am glowing, but deep down I ache and hurt for my friends that are still suffering from infertility.  Infertility is horrible and I wouldn't wish it on anyone as it is the most painful journey I have been on and unless you have walked in these shoes, don't tell me you understand.  To those friends, I am praying for you and hope that soon you will be blessed with a miracle of your own may it be through fertility treatment, naturally, or adoption.  Tomorrow morning as I wake up on Christmas morning, I will be more than thankful for what I have and hope that you get to experience this amazing feeling that we have right now.  To everyone else, cherish these holidays as you don't know how truly fortunate you are to have blessings in your life.  I am ending this post with a picture of myself by my sister in laws Christmas tree with my bump.  With my bedrest our house isn't full of holiday spirit as we don't even have a tree up or presents, but that doesn't matter as our present is still to come.  Merry Christmas everyone!

Nerves

Tonight I just needed to sit and reflect for a minute.  After everything that happened last week with the preterm labor, I am more on edge then ever.  I really wish I knew what was going to happen with Miss Gabbie and when she was going to come.  I feel horrible that I am not doing a very good job of protecting her right now.  I know a lot of that isn't my fault, but then again some of it is as honestly I probably shouldn't be working right now.  Being a kindergarten teacher and not being able to get off of my feet, isn't the best scenario right now.  I know that it is really taking a toll on my body and I can only imagine what it is doing to her.  Tomorrow we have a variety of doctor's appointments and I will be curious to hear what my doctor says about everything.  I know no one in my family wants me working either.  I just wish I knew what to do.  I feel horrible on the flipside as I feel like I am being a horrible teacher and anyone that knows me knows that I love what I do and love those kids so much.  It is just hard right now and I am hoping someone just tells me what I HAVE to do tomorrow to make me feel better.  I am off to take some more TUMS for my indigestion and try to sleep.  More information tomorrow...  Praying for some news tomorrow....

PRE-TERM LABOR!

So on Monday we entered our 3rd trimester and our 28th week of this pregnant.  I still can't believe it.  We are actually going to be parents in a few more months. 

I went for my every 2 week appt yesterday and after she got done measuring my belly, she asked me how I was feeling.   I mentioned to her the pain I had been having in my pelvis and how that morning, I couldn't even get out of bed hardly.  She said she thought it was the ligament pain, but wanted to check me any way.  I couldn't have been more happy that I told her as when she did check me my cervix was soft and a fingertip worth of an opening.  We were sent to the hospital after that.  Talk about nervous as we hadn't even been there before and had to go to labor and delivery.  Got hooked up to monitors to hear Gabbie's heartbeat and check contractions.  I had been having them like I thought, but then they started coming harder and faster.  I was given a shot of the Terbutaline (sp) to stop contractions so I could have an ultrasound.  Let me just say this drug isn't fun as the room starting spinning and I had the shakes.  Any how, we did get to see Gabs and she has grown for sure.  Then saw my cervix was still measuring at a 4 which was a huge relief.  It had been at a 6 at 20 weeks, but they said they will monitor.  If it would have been at a 2, I would be on hospital bedrest.  As I was in there contractions kept coming to the point they were minutes a part.  Got back up to the room and hooked back up to monitors.  Given 2 more injections and was told I wasn't leaving for the night.  I was so scared as I thought she was coming the way the contractions kept coming.  Once I got that third injection, things slowed down and I was given the same med orally.  I wasn't allowed to eat or drink anything just in case something changed, but was given pain meds and hooked up to an IV.  I just laid there with tears in my eyes.  My mom came up so Chris could go home to get clothes and things as they thought things were slowing down.  I finally got to eat at about 10 last night when Chris brought me a chicken sandwich as they were done serving food from the kitchen.  The night was a long one as my IV kept beeping at me and my monitors on my belly came sliding.  I was finally allowed to sleep at around 1am and was given something to help me sleep.  Chris stayed the night with me and slept on the fold out sofa.  I was so glad to have him there.  Contractions are next to nothing now and I am back home on the sofa for the weekend.  My Dr said that she is going to give me a 2nd chance and let me work still, but I have to listen to my body and stay home when I need to and get off of my feet at work.  I might even do 1/2 days.  We will see.  I am just glad to be home.  I am so beat today from it all that is for sure.  I do know what to watch for and the pain everyone told me that I was having isn't normal for me.  I really don't know what to about work at all.   I know last night I was so worried that if she did come I have NOTHING ready for her.  Talk about putting me in full overdrive.  I am just trying to stay calm.  The big thing I am doing is packing my overnight bag as Chris came home to get stuff and boy did he do a horrible job.  I know he was upset and nervous, but got me clothes that didn't match or fit, not toothbrush or toothpaste, no deodorant, and I am sure you are getting the point.  He did manage to pack up his X-BOX and a 12 pack of Sprite for him  Good times...  So that is the latest on my Bumpy Road to Motherhood.  Just hoping and praying that she stays put at least until middle of January.  I think my phone said like 60 days until she is full term.  Just pray for us if you don't mind. 

So Thankful

Today I am filled with such emotion as I think back to last year at this time when Chris and I were trying to figure out what we should do to become parents.  Should we just settle with being aunts and uncles the rest of our lives or pursue our dreams of becoming parents.  Just that week we were presented with information from the mother of the triplets in my classroom about an opportunity for us to do IVF in St. Louis with another doctor and we were honestly considering and wondering if this is what God wanted us to do.  After much consideration and meeting with the doctor over the phone just a few weeks after that, we decided that God led us on this path and we had to try it.  Now a year later we are sitting with a different outlook on life as I am almost 27 weeks pregnant with our little miracle and entering my third trimester on Monday.  It hasn't been an easy year with all of the drama we have had with the drugs, the process, and even losing one of our little miracles.  I truly believe that everything happens for a reason in life and all of this happened for a reason.  There are a variety of other women that did IVF at the same time as us that ended up with twins and they are all on bedrest either at home or in the hospital.  I really and truly believe that losing one of the twins as hard as it was, was probably the best thing in the world as I honestly don't think I could have carried both of them to term.  Today as I sit back and think about all of this, I feel so blessed and thankful to say the least.  Not only am I thankful for our little miracle, but I know that we would have never got through any of this without the love and support of our friends and family.  I often wonder why God allowed our IVF to be successful when I have so many friends that didn't have success.  I feel horrible for them, but keep telling myself that God has a plan for them too.  It took us a long time for our chance at parenthood and when I think back about it, I am blown away at everything I have gone through.  Who would have thought I could have done that!  Who would have thought WE could have done that!  We are one couple that have had more highs then lows in our 8 1/2 years of marriage, but I know that we wouldn't be the people that we are now without those trials and tribulations.  Today I am just thankful for everything and everyone.  We are so ready to see our miracle in a few months and hold her.  It will be such an emotional moment as then it will finally hit me that I really was pregnant.  Today as I was sitting on the couch with my family, Gabbie was kicking me so hard that I could actually see my stomach move.  What a beautiful sight and feeling.  Like I said feeling blessed to say the least.  Thank you to each and everyone of you that have supported us on this journey.  Happy Thanksgiving~

This was us about 4 weeks ago.  We love our little miracle and one another!  So blessed!

24 Weeks and 4D Ultrasound

I can mark a major milestone off of the list.  We are 24 weeks which means Gabbie can survive without me if she did decide to come early.  I still can't believe that we have gotten this far in my pregnancy.  Today things are more than real as she isn't this little alien that is growing in me, but an actual baby.  The ultrasound today was beautiful.  Of course she didn't want to cooperate and every time we would switch from 2D to 4D she would put her hand in front of her face.  We did get a few good pictures that I will post.  Everyone says she has my nose.  My sister in law thinks she looks like Chris in the face, but I don't see it.  I just think she is beautiful already and the first picture really shows it.  :)

WAY TO MUCH

So I just realized that I am a slacker and haven't posted anything for way to many weeks.  Things are ok, but crazy right now and some unexplained issues.  We will be 24 weeks on Monday and I promise to put a nice update on the baby and pictures next week as I have my 4d ultrasound.  I do have to say I am excited about this, but I have seen other peoples pics and they are kind of creepy.

Right now life just feels like a fog.  I was really starting to feel good finally and even was able to sleep.  Then on top of that I finally felt movement.  :)  It was the greatest feeling in the world and a moment I won't ever forget.  Chris and I had gone to bed on that Sunday night right before I was 22 weeks and we were talking in bed.  As we were talking and laughing I felt this weird pain right below my belly button.  I stopped and immediately was like what is that.  Then it happened again.  I told Chris I think your daughter just kicked me.  He put his hand on my belly and she did it again to the point he even felt it.  We both were in shock and honestly I am not sure who was more in shock.  Of course my waterworks turned on as I was more than happy and in shock.  I called my mom and told her the news.  What an amazing, weird, and creepy feeling all at the same time.  I just laid there that night feeling her move and kick me.  I didn't feel her after that for a few days which really bothered me.  I have found that I only feel her when I am laying down or sititng in a slumped position.  I love feeling her move and kick me.  Things are definitely becoming more real.  I know that it really started to hit me as I actually started my long term lesson plans for a substitute this winter.  So excited! 

I am growing too, but everyone says I am small for where I should be.  Besides that fact I have still yet to gain a lb, but the dr says that is fine as my belly is growing and is measuring ahead of schedule.  I am still carrying Gabbie extremely low.  I know that the doctor has mentioned a few concerns about this and my placenta.  Then on top of this I have been having some weird pain that we can't seem to figure out.  We did decide last week that it might be my bowels and my IBS issues.  She said if that is the case it will be hard later on to tell the difference between that and contractions.  At least I know what they will kind of feel like hearing that.  Then my doctor brought up the glucose test and how with diabetes in my family, I really need to be careful that day so we don't get a false positive.  I go for that test on the 17th.  I am not too excited, but ready to know.

I am having some pain this week and not sure what is going on.  It is actually a bit scary as I even had some minor bleeding.  I constantly have the pain in my hipbones and pelvis, but this pain is like a sharp pain across my abdomen.  It has been brought up that I am feeling contractions, but who knows.  I know at my 20 week ultrasound weeks ago that we could see my body was having contractions, but I just couldn't feel them.  I am just hoping that Miss Gabbie stays put for a lot longer as it isn't time for us to meet her yet.  I am just trying to take things easy and stay off of my feet the best I can which isn't easy being a kindergarten teacher that is for sure.  Any how, we are trying not to think about an early delivery, but it is hard not too.  I can't wait to have Gabbie, but not yet.  I just have to stay calm and relaxed.  Thank God I can feel her move now and have the Doppler to listen to her.  :)

I promise next week another update.  Thanks for the continued love and support.  We need prayers as always to keep little one growing and for her to stay put. 

When Can I Breathe...

Alright all of you that have been in my shoes and gotten pregnant after years of fertility treatment, when do you finally relax and think things are fine with your pregnancy? Today puts us at 21 weeks and for some reason I am more nervous now then I was a few weeks ago. I don't understand why I am becoming more crazy about my pregnancy and little Gabbie. I wonder if it is how my dr makes me so nervous or what? I am so glad she sees me every two weeks as I need all of the peace of mind I can get. I am sure it doesn't help that I am not feeling movement either. I know the chance of miscarriage is very rare right now but still nervous as I want this so bad. Any how just needed to vent... Thanks for always listening and putting this nervous nelly at ease.

We Are Having A.............

Tuesday was the big day for the 20 week ultrasound and to find out what we are having.  I think we are still in shock that is for sure.  It was definitely icing on the cake on top of a few days of feeling crummy.  On Monday I couldn't even sit up I was having so much pain.  It didn't feel like the round ligament pain, but something different.  Any how, we did figure out why I have so much pain and it is because I am carrying this baby so low.  I had two techs that were in there with us double checking everything, do you see why they make me so nervous?  One of the big things mentioned had to do with my placenta being anterior instead of interior. (I think that is the right word)  My understanding is that I won't feel movement for a long time.  The baby was punching me and kicking me the whole time, but I have yet to feel a thing.  Other things were said, but I can't think.  I was relieved to prove the dr wrong that my cervix was closed.  YEAH!  When it came to figuring out the sex, it took a bit, but we are having a GIRL!  I can't believe it!  There are no girls in Chris's family so this is just huge!  I am so excited to shop that is for sure.

After we finally got done we went to my parents and we told them and about 5 other people.  We then made little mini vanilla cupcakes that we filled the middle with pink icing and frosted them with white cream cheese icing.  So when people bit into them they found out what we were having.   We made 100 of these.  I sent a bunch to my old school or family of teachers that I miss, a bunch for my new colleagues, and for my kindergarteners.  I don't know who was more excited.  The idea was a huge hit even though I made a lot of people angry with not sharing my news immediately.  I wanted to be able to do something fun with my pregnancy as everyone knew we had done IVF and that we were prego early on.  Here are a few pictures of our little miracle.  We love her!  Her name is going to be Gabbie.

20 Weeks! WE ARE 1/2 WAY!

I can't believe that tomorrow I am 20 weeks along in my pregnancy.  We are 1/2 way done to becoming parents.  I can't tell you the joy that this brings to me.  Everyone says that I am glowing, but I don't see it.  I just keep trucking along cautious with each day.  Tuesday is the big day for the big 20 week scan and we get to find out what we are having.  I am so excited!  We are actually going to really be able to plan ahead for our little family.  I think I will have a permanent smile on my face these next few days.  Do I feel like this real yet, NOPE!  :)

20 Week Update
Baby is the size of: a cantaloupe!  WOW!  I don't feel large enough to be having a cantaloupe inside me.

Symptoms: Acne is a bit better for the time being.  :)  My boobs feel like they are growing again.  Lots of pain and soreness on my right pelvic region.  Still not sleeping, but other than that I am doing good.

Weight gain: None...I still keep dropping weight.  The doctor doesn't seem concerned though as I am growing so she said all is good.

Maternity clothes: Bought a few more shirts last weekend.  Winter is coming is all I have to say!

Sleep: This week I had one night where I slept about 11 hours and it was great.  Since then just a couple of hours asleep a night.  I do better if I just fall asleep at an angle on the sofa.

Movement: Not sure.  :)  I think yesterday I really started feeling movement, but I don't know.  I know when I went to the doctor two weeks ago she told me that it would be a while before I really felt real movement as I am carrying the baby so low.  She said where the baby is and the placenta, it would take a lot to really feel a punch or kick.  However, during that ultrasound, you could see the baby really moving and when you listen with the doppler you hear the baby kicking and moving.  What a huge sense of relief!

Cravings: I guess you could say Subway is my craving.  I hate sandwiches, but every time I have a sub sandwich I am happy.  Who knows?  I am also still eating grapes like crazy.  :)

Strangest moment: Watching baby stuff slowly coming in our house.  My parents got us a Britax stroller and carseat for Christmas and of course Chris had to put it together and get it out.  He was so cute pushing that little stroller around the house.  The dogs just keep looking in that room wondering what it going on.  Once we know the sex, the real shopping will start. 

Gender: 2 more days and we will know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I am making special cupcakes to reveal the sex to my coworkers in my old school and new school.  I know that my old school friends will be excited for sure!  There will be pink or a blue filling in them when they bite into it.  :)

What I look forward to: Finding out the sex of course and feeling the baby kick!

Milestones: 1/2 way through my pregnancy!  I feel like I am dreaming, but it is the best dream in the world!
 
I think today I might get out the baby book and start writing and scrapbooking.  So excited!  If any of you know how to print off your blog to make into a book please let me know.  :)  This has been an experience that I want to share with my child some day.  This baby is so loved!

Sneak Peak and 19 Weeks

Is reality setting in with me yet, NOPE!  You would think that I would be realizing that I am going to be a mom in just about another 20 weeks, but NOPE!  We have even been shopping and big items are being purchased, but NOPE still not real.  My doctor joked with me on Thursday that it will take me holding our angel in our arms to realize that I was pregnant.

On Thursday I went for my every 2 week appointment.  Chris couldn't go this time as he was in the middle of his inventory and that is his superbowl of his work year.  So, my mom went with me instead as I have been on edge about a few things.  I am so glad that she went with me.  Immediately when she walked in and started asking questions, I just broke down.  I told her about all of the pain I am having on my right pelvic bone and she said that could be ligaments stretching or core ligament pain.  That made me feel better, but when I told her I am not sure if I am feeling movement and that makes me nervous.  She knows what a roller coaster ride this has been through the years and she could see that this was affecting me in more ways than one including not sleeping and nightmares.  I told her that I can listen to the heartbeat and it is reassuring, but not sure if I am feeling movement and not having an ultrasound since I was 12 weeks makes me wonder.  I told her that I know I have my internal and external ultrasound on the 11th and 20 weeks, but it is too far away.  She told me that since I was the last appointment for the day she wanted to end her day on a good note and we would do an ultrasound for fun.  :)  Can you say excited!  I looked at my mom and she was grinning from ear to ear too. 

We went down for the ultrasound and it took a bit for it to kick in.  I thought this would be a perfect time to find out a bit more information.  She told me that she does have concerns with me as my uterus is huge from IVF and putting me ahead of schedule, the other baby's sac is still there and growing, that I am carrying the baby so low, and a few other things.  I knew she was worried, but hearing it kind of made me feel better.  I know most people just got every 4 weeks at this point in their pregnancy and I feel blessed she sees me every 2 weeks to monitor me closely. 

When we started the ultrasound, you could immediately see my lovebugs profile and the he/she didn't fit on the screen any more.  The baby was looking at us and it was just amazing.  I couldn't believe that I could see the spine, body features, and the little heart.  Then the baby arched his/her back and yawned.  It was beautiful.  I just watched with tears welling up in my eyes that this amazing human being is literally growing inside me.  The doctor than pointed out why I am not feeling true movement yet.  Where I am carrying the baby and where my placenta is, there is a huge gap.  She said that the baby would have to kick or punch way high up for me to feel movement.  She said I will feel it, but it will be a while.  What a huge sigh of relief I had then.  Just laying there and watching my little one move was incredible.  Then my mom asked the big question that I knew she would ask and said, can you find out the sex?  I am just laying there half wanting to know, but knowing my hubby will be mad that he isn't there.  I was a little relieved when the baby didn't want to move, but all of a sudden he/she moved a bit and we saw something for just a second.  I think I know what we are having, but not positive.  I must be pretty confident as I bought some baby clothes this weekend.  I am still waiting to really have a long time for an ultrasound before saying anything, but believe me I want to scream the news at the top of my lungs!  Here is a picture of our lovebug during the ultrasound.

The picture didn't copy well, but you can see the head, the long swan neck like mine, and the upper body region.  I just love looking at this picture.  It is now midnight which makes me officially 19 weeks.  1 more week and we are half way through this pregnancy and one day away from the in depth ultrasound.  One excited Lil Momma.  Thanks for all of the continued prayers and support!  We appreciate them!

Belly at Almost 18 Weeks

So I finally did what everyone had been asking me to do...I took a picture of my belly.  I personally hate the pictures as I feel huge and just disheveled, but still.  For those of you that want to see the bump.  Here you go....  Enjoy....

Almost 17 Weeks

On Monday I am 17 weeks! WOW!  Still it doesn't seem real at all.  I am doing pretty good overall other than I am just on edge as I thought we were finding out the sex this next week and the doctor changed her mind and now we have to wait until October 11th.  Part of this reason is that they want to check my cervix.  I am more than disappointed as I just want to know already.  I have another appt on the 29th and I am going to try to push the appt up.  I am not giving up.  :)  Persistence will pay off, right?

Something for all of you mommies or soon to be mommies....the doctor keeps asking me about chromosomal testing and Down's testing.  How many of you actually did these tests?  My thought is, I don't want to know as I don't want to have more stress and worry than I already do.  Besides, there isn't much they can do if there is an issue just more ultrasounds and monitoring.  I think we made the decision we aren't doing it.  God wanted us to have this baby and we will, no matter what!
17 Week Update

Baby is the size of: an onion...I have a feeling the baby is bigger as I already feel huge.  If you haven't seen my bump, oh my.  :)  I need to take a picture of myself, but I just feel weird doing that.  
Symptoms: Still have the acne going on and feel like a teenager again.  Sleeping isn't my friend still.  Food aversions aren't as bad as they were last week.  I have eaten a few things that have definitely not agreed with the baby or me though.
Weight gain: From my appt last week from the alcohol scare to my appt this week, I put on a lb of weight that I lost.  Who knows?
Maternity clothes:  Big frustration in my life.  I hate that shirts do not cover that lovely panel on my jeans.  I feel so self conscience about it.  I need to buy some warmer clothes too as it seems like the weather is going to skip fall and go straight to winter.
Sleep: Lucky if I sleep about 3 hours straight a night if that.  I asked the doctor and she said I can take something, but I don't want to do that unless I have to.  I know by the end of the school week, I am worn out and I can't wait for the 4:00 bell. 
Movement: I would say I have some flutters or tapping, but not like I thought I would.  I am sure this baby is a mover and shaker though as today we got out the doppler just to hear the heartbeat and he/she was moving all over the place as the heartbeat kept moving.  I told Chris and the baby he or she had better do the same kind of movement when we go to find out the gender.
Cravings: Non existent.  It is crazy that I don't, but I really don't.  I do know that smells of foods make me not want to eat something sometimes though.  For example my lunchable the other day...it went in the trash.
Strangest moment: Going to the city Fall Fun Fest and having everyone just rub my belly.  I have never touched a belly until now with mine.  It is really shocking at how hard my stomach is.  I never would dream it would feel like this.  I thought it would feel mushy.  LOL...
Gender: October 11th can't get here fast enough.  My patience on this one is gone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  This momma wants to shop!
What I look forward to: Finding out the sex of course and feeling the baby kick!
Milestones: Not sure one this one...the doctors still think I am crazy so that hasn't changed.  She thinks it is funny I don't believe this is real.  That is probably why she sees me every 2 weeks.  :)

Furniture for the Nursery

Today reality has started to hit me that is for sure.  :)  As the delivery people carried in the Furniture from Nebraska Furniture Mart, I just sat here.  Once they left and I looked in the room, I was immediately overcome with emotion.  The room that we have planned on being a nursery for 7 years and painted blue back in to create our fish nursery wasn't empty any more and was full of furniture.  I just stood there and took it all in as did Chris.  We then immediately got to work pulling out all of the things we have bought through the years.  We have all of the bedding already for the crib, curtains, lamp, floor rug, and more.  Our little home for a baby is really starting to look complete and we have 5 more months to perfect it and put up the wallies on the wall.  Here are a few of the pics. 

I Was Given Alcohol!

What a past 24 hours I have had!   Went to Applebees last night for dinner with friends and had a frozen lemonade to drink instead of caffeine trying to be good as I had drank nothing, but water during the day.  We even told the waiter to hurry on the appetizers as I was prego and hungry,  During dinner was feeling hot and a headache coming on.  When the ticket came we saw that the waiter brought me a spiked frozen lemonade even though the waiter knew I was pregnant and that beverage isn't even on the menu.  It was quite the evening to say the least and I just feel sick especially from the headache I got.  I talked to my doctor's office and they said to call them today once I got up and moving.  The good thing is that I am out of my first trimester and I didn't drink that much, but still you know how I am feeling like I have so much invested in this and it doesn't take the worry away.  Applebees is flipping out to say the least as they said they have never had this happen before, but come to find out today that this has happened before and a child was served alcohol.  The General Manager was supposed to call me today and believe me he has, more info on that to come.  The manager last night just kept asking what can I do, what can I do.  With each thing he said the tears welled up until I lost it.  Luckily I have amazing friends who helped me through all of this.  I can honestly say that last night I didn't get much sleep at all even though I was sure things were fine, but I was more mad than anything.  Today when I got up I was still angry to say the least.  I called the doctor and while waiting on them to call back, Applebees called more than a few times wanting to know if I was fine and had seen a doctor.  I then talked to my drs office and they said to come in at 1:00.  I was so nervous to be honest with you, but more than relieved and happy when I heard that little heartbeat just going as fast as it could.  :)  Then the coolest thing happened, the baby actually kicked the doppler.  You heard this thump sound and the doctor looked and me and smiled only to say that is what had happened.  I have a feeling that soon enough I will be feeling this little bundle of joy moving all over the place and can't wait.  The doctor wrote me out directions saying that I had been exposed to alcohol by Applebees, what the fetal tones were, that I need lots of fluid, and follow up appointments.  This covers me in case something does happen, but it won't.  Tomorrow I am going to call Applebee's General Manager back and give him an earful about the situation.  I want to figure out everything I want to say first.  I am still SOOOOOOO angry about the whole thing.  Nothing like more drama in my life and my pregnancy!  LOL...

15 Weeks!

Today I am 15 weeks!  It doesn't even seem possible!  It really just seems like yesterday that we were in St. Louis doing IVF.  I still don't think the reality of the fact that I am pregnant has hit me.  The joke is that I won't realize that I am pregnant until I am holding that beautiful baby in my arms.  :)  I know that I am, but it still seems so surreal.

Now the update on our baby and how I am doing. :)
Baby is the size of: a naval orange...our little Gomez or Gertie are growing!  I would almost even say that our baby is larger than that as our baby was weighing in at 2oz a few weeks ago and it says that the baby should way 2.5oz.

Symptoms: I am not having any major symptoms lately.  I guess what people say about the 2nd trimester is true as I am feeling pretty good.  I am getting some pain from my body stretching especially when I sleep, but not too bad.  The only thing that i have still is acne.  Hello hormones!

Weight gain: None...I went to the doctor last week and I am dropping weight still.  I still think I am dropping IVF weight and that is why I can't tell I am gaining even though my bump is growing.

Maternity clothes - I went and bought a few more shirts yesterday.  It is already hard enough to find shirts that are long enough for my body. 

Sleep: I bought a snoogle a few weeks ago and I do have to say that is helps some when trying to fall asleep, but the pain I have been having when laying on my side isn't fun.  I know that it is just my body stretching and growing for this baby, but it is uncomfortable.

Movement: The doctor last week said I should start feeling movement this week.  I can't wait to feel it and it would definitely give me such peace of mind knowing the baby is really developing.

Cravings: I am really not having cravings.  I have been wanting fruit a lot lately, but that is about it.  The other thing is my Lay's BBQ chips.

Strangest moment: People are starting to rub my belly.  I thought it would bother me, but it doesn't at all.  It is kind of neat that people are so excited.  Also, my kindergarteners think every time I have a doctors appt that I am having the baby.  :)  It is kind of cute!

Gender: Don't know yet!  We will know in a few more weeks.  I have so many friends that are making predictions and most of them say girl.  I am still thinking boy, but I just want a healthy baby.

What I look forward to: My appt next week and scheduling my ultrasound to find out the sex of the baby.  I am not being very patient about this.  Also, our baby furniture is being delivered on Saturday.  We even went over to my parents house to get a bunch of stuff out of their basement as I bought bedding and stuff years ago before we knew about our infertility issues.  I had to get it out of the house as it was too hard to look at.  I now have these boxes here and opening them will bring back a lot of memories, but I am excited to see what we already have.  Hello Fish Nursery!

Milestones: Really starting to accept that I am going to be a mom.  :)

When Can We Catch A Break

Today was one of those days that makes me think, when is my family going to catch a break.  Last night I wasn't feeling well at all and having cramping and sharp pains a lot of the night.  Then this morning wasn't much better.  I talked to one of my nurses that is a friend and she told me with my high risk pregnancy and still having the 2nd sac, I need to call Dr. Leverett.  I called the office and she wasn't there, but the nurse said she would talk to another doctor and get back with me.  Most of my pain is on my left side.  At about 10:30, the office called back to tell me to get off of my feet and go home from school.  In addition, they mentioned that it could be a few things.  One being the baby trying to pass or my uterus expanding from the baby this is doing well.  She then said that I might never pass this baby and it might be something that I end up delivering with the other baby.  Creepy if you ask me.  The last thing she said was that if I start bleeding that I need to go to Labor and Delivery at the hospital immediately.  I honestly wanted to cry after hearing this...everything has to be fine, right?  After managing to get a sub, I left school and went home.  Right as I was getting home, my cell phone rang and it was my mom.  I was sure she was just calling to check on me as she and I had been emailing that morning, but no she was calling to tell me more bad news.  My dads nurse that has been coming to the home checked his blood yesterday and the levels in his kidneys had gotten worse since Sunday when he left the hospital.  Dr. Hamood said he wanted to admit my dad immediately.  So my mom was at KU Med yet again with my dad.  Seriously...am I hearing her right.  Then she tells me that they took their dog in that was having issues and she might be having surgery and is staying the night at the pet hospital.  I am honestly at the point I don't even want to answer the phone right now.  Now on top of all of that I am trying to decide what to do about work tomorrow.  I am going to see how my night goes and then I might do another half day.  I am not going to do anything to jeopardize this baby.  I am hoping that tomorrow will be a better day and that my body feels better.  I am going to go buy the pillow everyone says I need as laying on my back isn't good.  I am hoping that will help even though it hurts to lay on my side.  I did lay on my side most of the afternoon.  Praying hard tonight that everyone in my family is ok and NOTHING else will go wrong.

13 Weeks!

Wow..this pregnancy really feels like it is trucking along.  I am sure the fact that school has started, is really helping me out more than anything.  I have so many other things on my mind that I don't just dwell on the baby and the baby we are losing.  We did take a huge step this weekend in that we went shopping for furniture for the nursery and actually bought a set!  I love it!  It was normally $4500, but on clearance for $1300 as they are putting out a new model at Nebraska Furniture Mart.  It will be delivered on Sept 10th.  Here is a link to the furniture...  http://www.munirefurniture.com/lexington_01.htm

Now the update on our baby and how I am doing.  :)

Baby is the size of: a peach...our little Gomez or Gertie are growing!
Symptoms: I am doing pretty good on this lately.  I can tell that the end of my nausea is here or so I hope.  The one thing that is driving me nuts is my acne.  Hello hormones...  I feel like a teenager again.  Another symptom I always has is sore boobs in the morning and definitely some cramping before fully getting up.  Other than that doing good.
Weight gain: Maybe 1 pound. When I did IVF and the steroids, I gained lots of weight from the meds. Now that I went off the steroids, I am dropping weight. :) I think I have put on about a pound though even though I have been dropping weight.
Maternity clothes - I wore my first pair of pregnancy jeans on Friday and I felt so weird to say the least.  The panel made me nuts as I felt like my shirt wasn't long enough to cover it.  I bought a few new shirts this weekend for my birthday.
Sleep: I am tossing and turning most of the night.  A friend recommended a pillow that I am thinking I might go buy real soon. 

Movement: Not yet...however in the last ultrasound the baby was moving all over the place. I can't wait to feel it for real!  Chris calls it our little Mexican Jumping Bean.  It was so funny in the ultrasound last week.
Cravings: Still not having to many cravings except for my Propel Water.  I am having some nice indigestion after eating.   Good times...
Strangest moment: Seeing the baby going crazy last week in the ultrasound.  :)
Gender: Don't know yet!
What I look forward to: Next doctor's appointment on the 2nd to check on the babies. I am hoping that the one is gone and the other baby is still flourishing! Hoping that some of my restrictions will be removed.
Milestones: So close to finding out the sex of the baby.  :) 

Happy Birthday To Me!

In just an hour, I am going to be 34 years old.  I can't believe that I am going to be that old.  I think my age has really been on my mind as I am finally pregnant and going to be a mom in just 6 months.  Thinking ahead I hope that I will live long enough to be a grandma and my child doesn't have to endure what Chris and I have on the infertility path.  I know that is a long ways down the road, but I am really feeling old with this birthday.  Then tonight at dinner at the Outback having one of my former students as our waitress who was in my student teaching kindergarten class who is now 19, just made me gag.  I honestly can't believe how much I have done and accomplished in my professional career and my life as a wife.  I am now in my 13th year of teaching and we just celebrated our 8th year of marriage.  When you look at all of that, it makes me smile and proud of myself.  In just 6 months I am going to add another big accomplishment to my life that being becoming a mom and a parent.  I can't wait.  I know that this is going to be the best year of my life in so many ways.  Next year at this time I will be 35 and I can't wait to see how I am feeling and thinking.  Happy 34th Birthday To Me!

12 Week Ultrasound

Today was the 12 week appointment and ultrasound.  I am being seen every 2 weeks right now to monitor the one baby that is going strong and the one we are losing.  Today we were told it is a diminishing twin as it is a matter of time.  There wasn't much left in the sac, but the sac was still there and actually rather large.  It is hard to say the least, but I would rather it just diminish all together to stop causing a threat to the other baby.  My doctor said she thinks it will be fine, but I still worry.  I have another appointment in two weeks.  Here is the picture of today's ultrasound.  I love this baby so much already!  I think I am going to get out the pregnancy journal tonight for the first time.  :)

2nd Trimester!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WOO HOO!  We are in the 2nd Trimester!  I seriously feel like screaming and jumping up and down with joy.  I still can't believe it.  I just keep thinking of someone saying we will never be parents, but now I can just smile as I really believe in February we will be.  I know we aren't out of the woods by no means, but getting closer.  On Thursday I go back to the doctor for another check up and to see what is going on with the babies.  I do have to say I am nervous, but luckily the start of school and that stress is overtaking it most of the time.  Now on Thursday Kindergarten will be the last thing on my mind and the baby(s) will be first and foremost.  Now to fast forward to Thursday.  Until then just going to enjoy this huge accomplishment!  We are one happy family right now.  I forgot to mention my bump is really starting to pop now.  :)

11 WEEKS!!!!

We are 11 weeks and one week away from being out of the first trimester! I know that this hasn't been the smoothest road for sure with all of the bumps we have encountered including finding out we are losing one of the twins, but if we end up with one baby in the end, I am more than happy and IVF was more than successful in my eyes. :)


I saw this idea of someone elses blog and thought it would be a fun documentation of how my body, life, and the baby is changing from time to time.

Baby is the size of: a lime...our little Gomez or Gertie are growing!

Symptoms: Nausea is still an issue that is for sure, but I have been noticing that it is getting a bit better! WOO HOO! I am having less waking up at 3 or 4am to eat. I have also found that eating ice helps, don't know why, but it does. The metallic taste I had been having is getting to be less too. I am noticing some cramping and what feels like stretching going on. I read in my book that my uterus is expanding but of course I am wondering if the other baby is miscarrying finally. I am also starting to have some back pain. I of course have sore boobs every morning when I wake up. I still welcome all of these symptoms as it means I am normal even though they suck.

Weight gain: Maybe 1 pound. When I did IVF and the steroids, I gained lots of weight from the meds. Now that I went off the steroids, I am dropping weight. :) I think I have put on about a pound though even though I have been dropping weight.

Maternity clothes - I went maternity clothes shopping this weekend with my mom as that is my birthday present from my mom. Missouri had Tax Free weekend so on top of the sales we found, no tax! I had a hard time finding any cute tops for work, but have plenty of time. I was more worried about getting some pants to wear. You have no idea what a huge step this was to even buy clothes. I am really starting to accept that I am pregnant. Maybe I will bust out the pregnancy journal this week.

Sleep: Beginning to become more and more uncomfortable - which is not something I am enjoying, I can't seem to get comfortable. I sleep fine until I wake up to go to the bathroom then it's all over the place as I toss and turn seeking a comfortable position. I am not a back sleeper, but that is what I am having to do to even think of dosing off.

Movement: Not yet...however in the last ultrasound the baby was moving all over the place. I can't wait to feel it for real!

Cravings: None really...food aversions are some of the things that Chris has been cooking and looking at them. YUCK!!

Strangest moment: None yet...this whole process has been strange

Gender: Don't know yet!

What I look forward to: Next doctor's appointment on the 18th to check on the babies. I am hoping that the one is gone and the other baby is still flourishing!  Also 2 more weeks of taking progesterone!!  Big WOO HOO!!! 

Milestones: 1 week away from end of the 1st trimester

Pics of 10 Week Ultrasound

I had to post the pics from yesterdays ultrasound even though it didn't go the way we wanted.  My sister in law swears we are having a girl already as she says she sees three lines.  I think she is nuts, but she does have two girls and knows what she is talking about. 

She swears that the white black white lines close to the cursor shows it is a girl.  Who knows? 

This was a great picture of the babies heart.  I love the sound of our babies heartbeat.  I am soon going to be buying a doppler.  :)
Love our little Gomez or Gertie!

We Are Going To Lose 1... :(

Today hasn't been a day I want to relive.  I had an appointment this morning with my OB to check on the babies.  Immediately instead of just listening for the fetal heart tones, the doctor took me to the ultrasound room.  She did an external ultrasound in which immediately I could see the big baby and how big it had gotten in a couple of weeks.  The doctor then did the most amazing thing, she let me hear the babies heartbeat.  It was the most beautiful thing I have ever heard.  I just laid there and cried.  I had seen the heartbeat flash before, but not heard it.  The doctor then measured the baby and started looking for the other baby, but we saw a gestational sac, but couldn't see much more.  I was then sent to the hospital for a transvaginal ultrasound.  Chris went with me for the first time and got to be a part of it since going to St. Louis.  The ultrasound tech tried to do a external, but it was hard to see.  She then did a transvaginal ultrasound and first focused on the big baby and let Chris listen to its heartbeat.  The baby is measuring 9 weeks 6 days which is just a few days behind, but the baby looks great.  The baby was moving all over the place too.  It was so neat to watch.  Then came the time to look for the other baby.  My heart just dropped when we saw the sac had shrunk and we didn't see a fetus in the sac or a heartbeat.  She really looked and searched to find something, but in the end said we are losing this baby.  Not sure how this is going to take place and what will happen, but it is already happening.  I might have bleeding, cramping, but who knows.  The tech called the doctor and she said the good news is that the other baby shouldn't be impacted with losing its twin.  It really killed me when the tech switched in the computer that we didn't have 2 fetuses any more, but just 1.  I started to feel my eyes well up.  She gave me a minute to get dressed and I just lost it.  Chris just sat there with his head in his hands and I just cried.  I can't believe that God is taking another one of our babies.  I am still in shock to say the least and very emotional.  I can't believe that I can actually sit here and write this as I can't talk about it.  Chris is mad that I am upset as he says I need to be strong for the other baby, but I need time to grieve too.  All of this is making me think of when I lost the other baby.  I hate this.  I know that we have one healthy baby and we are almost out of the first trimester.  I just hope that God keeps letting this baby grow and lets the other one miscarry the way it should which will allow me to work.  I am really being tested right now in so many ways.  I just need the strength to get over one more hurdle on my journey.  Please pray for us and the one baby that is striving.

DOUBLE DIGITS, 10 WEEKS!

It is the little things that make me happy with this pregnancy and really keep me going and the fact that I am 10 weeks and two weeks away from the 2nd trimester makes me teary eyed!  I have a doctor's appointment and ultrasound this week.  I am so ready to see the babies again and make sure that everything is OK with the 2nd baby.  I don't think that Wednesday can get here fast enough.  :)

I am feeling blah which is to be expected.  Some days are definitely easier than others.  This past weekend was more than rough, but that probably has to do with the fact that I am packing my classroom again and overdid it on Friday.  Yes, right after getting my room unpacked for 2nd grade, I found out I am going to another school to teach kindergarten.  I am so happy, but not excited about the packing and unpacking which sucks when you can't lift anything.  Going back today to finish packing and hopefully won't pay for it.  Any how, I am starting to notice a little bump forming.  I am having issues with some of the foods that Chris fixes and the smells.  Still no puking but constant nausea.  If I had the money and time I would go for acupuncture to help with this, but I will deal with it.  I am hoping that this feeling will be over in a few weeks. 

I can't focus to write much more, but I will write more and post pictures on Wednesday after my appointment.  Keep the prayers coming for our miracles.  Can't wait to see them as I love them so much already!!

BABIES ARE GROWING!

Went for another ultrasound this morning and boy was I nervous, but I was willing to accept whatever I saw. Thankfully my mom got to go with me as Chris had a conference call he had to be a part of. We tried to do an external ultrasound, but it was hard to see still, but immediately we could see that the babies had grown and I do mean babies! Immediately I had tears running down my face as my miracles were progressing, both of them. Once we started the internal ultrasound, my mom saw the flicker in Baby A which is the baby we are worried about. Then you could see that things were starting to really progress with that baby and he/she was growing! Here is a picture...it doesn't do the baby justice, but you can see the growth.

It is faint, but you can start to see the development of the baby. :) It was hard to get a heartbeat reading, but it was around 100 which is good. Then we really got to look at the other baby and that was amazing. Baby B has body parts! We could actually see his/her feet. It was beautiful and more than emotional. Baby B's heartbeat was 164. Here is a picture of Baby B.

We are so in love with our babies! I can't wait to see how they continue to grow! I really and truly can say that I believe in February we are going to be parents. Thank you God for watching over our two miracles as I know you and all of our friends and families prayers are responsible for this growth! Grow babies grow!

8 Weeks!

We have hit another milestone... 8 weeks along in my pregnancy and only 4 more to go to be done with my first trimester! I really and truly think that once I hit that magic number I will really be able to relax and enjoy my pregnancy, I hope. Then on top of that I only have one more Progesterone in Oil injection tomorrow night! I am so happy about that, that I could scream! My doctor is still keeping me on the oral progesterone until I am done with the first trimester, but no more injections. I have been getting poked now for almost 3 months up to three times a day and the idea of being done being bruised, is incredible! I am hoping that my butt will stop being sore soon.
So, how are we holding up, we are doing better than people would think. We are not giving up on our little miracle yet. We know what the doctors have told us, but I am just hoping that my little peanut is just behind and hasn't stopped growing. On the flip side, we do have one baby that is growing the correct way and looks great. We just need to keep being positive and let God handle this. I am not going to be ok if God takes another one of our babies though. Still holding hope and praying. Not sure when I have another ultrasound to see the babies again and make sure things are ok. I have another appointment on the 3rd and I am thinking that day we will find out. I am just asking for strength to get to that point. Grow babies grow and asking for patience!

Miracle Babies...Still Praying

Our two babies at 7 weeks.  We aren't giving up hope on the second one.  Just praying for a miracle that this baby catches up. 

Heartbroken

Today has been one of those days that I would like to forget about.  Today was my first appointment with my OB as I have been released from my RE in St. Louis pretty much.  I was already nervous to begin with about my appointment, but I had no idea what was going to happen today.  The first part was meeting with the doctor and going over my past, what is happening right now, and what will happen.  I wasn't that impressed with my doctor and was really sent over the edge, when she got a page that she needed to deliver a baby immediately.  She asked if I could come back in an hour to finish up.  Luckily my mom was with me or I would have been like no as I wasn't happy with this lady as she wasn't friendly and had no bedside manner.  We did leave and ran some errands before coming back.  I couldn't believe the difference in my doctor.  She was nice, had a personality, joking with me, and was nice.  It was shocking.  She did a few tests and said my uterus was measuring at 9 weeks.  I then told her how all of this makes me so nervous with what I have been though and how I just worry about my twins.  She said lets go down the hall and I will try to do an external ultrasound.  Boy were we shocked to see what we did...we went from having twins to triplets as she saw three gestational sacs.  I was shaking and crying so hard and my mom's face was just about the same.  We were then sent over to the hospital for an internal ultrasound immediately to confirm what she saw.  I am not sure how we even got there to be honest as I was still in shock.  I called Chris and he didn't even believe me when I told him.  Could we really be having triplets?  I got there and went back for the ultrasound and immediately we just saw two sacs, THANK GOD!  Then the ultrasound tech started looking at the sacs at the babies.  One of the babies is measuring at 6 weeks and 5 days which is just a few days behind with a heartbeat of 136.  The other baby was not as visible and only measuring at 5 weeks and 6 days and couldn't find the heartbeat.  I was immediately heartbroken and starting to lose it.  We can see the gestational pole and the yolk sac, but that was about it.  Here we went from thinking we were having triplets to maybe just one baby.  I know that this baby might just be a bit behind, but I am already thinking the worse.  I am asking for prayers and positive thoughts for our little ones as I don't want to give up just yet.  I am sure I will be having yet another ultrasound in the next few weeks.  Please God let both of my babies survive...I am not sure we can endure this heartache at all.  (Sigh)

Picture of Our Twins

Here is a picture of our twins at 6 weeks 3 days.  I love this picture and I love our twins!

TWINS!!!!

I still can't believe what I saw today! We had my first ultrasound and what do you know we are having TWINS!!! I am so in shock. Here I was thinking one and Chris was like no there are two and then to see those two perfect sacks!! Chris's face was priceless and one I won't forget ever as he wanted two, but he even looked shocked. I on the other hand, started shaking and crying. Dr. Ahlering then zoomed the camera in on each sack and we saw the baby and the flicker of the heartbeat. It was beautiful to say he least. He spent so much time with us and really looked at each baby and was so pleased with how they looked. I am sure he could tell by my reaction and shaking body that I wasn't taking all of this in. I told him that I am really pregnant aren't I and he just laughed. I love my doctor!! Now we jut have to find a doctor at home as this was my last appt unless I can't find someone that can see me in 10 days for another ultrasound. Wow...still in shock and I will write more tomorrow as we are at the hotel boy in shell shock. God is amazing and I totally thank him for all of his!!

6 WEEKS!

Today makes me officially 6 weeks pregnant!  Unreal!  I know this probably doesn't seem much when you think that I have 34 weeks to go, but this is huge to me!  I still don't think it has hit me yet and it probably will on Wednesday at the ultrasound when I see with my own eyes that things are really progressing.  I am so nervous, but confident, I think.  I have been that way through this whole process and the reality that it might have actually worked doesn't seem possible.  I know that Chris is probably feeling the same way even though he doesn't say anything.  My mom on the otherhand is very skeptical about the whole thing as she doesn't want to get her hopes up or mine either.  I can't believe that in two days I have an ultrasound to see a baby or babies~  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!  I honestly feel like screaming to say the least.  I do have to say if there is something wrong, I don't think I can ever do this again.  I know I can't be negative and have to keep looking at my glass as more than half full.  :)  Everything has to be fine as I have all kinds of symptoms that are normal pregnancy symptoms that is for sure.  I even got a new symptom the other day that scared me as I thought I was losing my lining, but once I pulled out my book to see it was normal and had a name, I was more then relieved.  The best part about everything right now is I have now hit the single digits on the number of Progesterone in Oil injections!  WOO HOO!  I hate these injections and I am ready to be done with all of the progesterone and my sore butt that is for sure.  I am going to end this with telling you that tonight as Chris and I lay in bed like every night with my hand on my belly just like every night, we will be praying to God for our little Gertie and Gomez  We put this in his hands a long time ago and truly believe he lead us on the path to this doctor.  Please pray for our little miracle that everything is ok and we are going to get to see our baby(s) again.  I can't wait!  GIDDY!

Chills!!!!!!

I have never posted twice in a day but I want to remember this moment forever as it is the first time I heard Chris say something about the positive pregnancy test. Don't get me wrong he smiles and he is thrilled and has dreams but this was so touching.  One of his buddies sent him a text and I said I saw on Facebook that he is going to be a dad in which he looks at me and smiles and says so am I. Then he rubbed my belly and rolled back over to go to sleep.  I now have tears running down my cheek.  This is more than real!!  We are going to be parents!! Amazing!!! Thank you God!

Monkey Off My Back

Went for my beta and I can now say that I am pregnant as my numbers are increasing as they should.  When I read the email and saw my number and how close it was to 1000, I started crying and shaking.  I can honestly say that the monkey is off my back!  I am so ready to see the ultrasound next week and see if there is one or two.  I am now going to take a nap and relax.  I am one happy girl or little momma as my friends are calling me!

Pregnant...With Bad Memories

I don't think the fact that I am pregnant has really and truly hit me just yet.  Yes, I feel pregnant and I really and truly believe that everything is happening the way it should be, but there are memories playing in the back of my head that are making me feel insecure.  The last time I was pregnant, I was so happy.  I remember going in for beta 1 and hearing the confirmation that I was pregnant.  Then came beta 2 and I heard that my number doubled and things were looking more than great.  Then came beta 3 and 4 where I heard that the hormone level was slowing down and not doubling which lead to my horrific miscarriage.  I know with that pregnancy I have no idea on what quality of embryo I had and how fertilization took place.  This time though I know that we put in 100% grade A embryos that couldn't have been better.  Why is it that I can't put those memories out of my head!  I know that that this time my beta hormone test showed that things tripled which is more than good, but in the back of my head I want another beta test just to show that things are really good.  I think I am so scared that I am going to lose this baby or babies.  I talked to one of my amazing nurses today and they scheduled me another beta test for tomorrow just to give me peace of mind.  I know in my head that things are fine, but the memories in my heart are killing me.  I want this so bad and I really and truly believe it is meant to be, but I just can't focus.  Who knows if I will go for the beta test tomorrow or not.  I know that I have another week until my ultrasound to see firsthand what is developing and to have some sort of peace of mind will help.  Tonight I will talk to my husband and pray in hopes that I will decide what to do.  I know that we will still have tons of people praying for us too.  I just wish for once that something on my path to motherhood would be easy. 

PREGNANT!

I can't believe that I actually get to say out loud that I am pregnant.  Let me say that again as it felt so good.  I AM PREGNANT!  I went for beta 1 on Monday which was torture as I knew I wouldn't know the results until Wednesday, but after emailing my nurse a few times about some issues I was having, I started wondering when she got my results the next morning as she didn't have them run stat if she would tell me.  Sure enough on Tuesday morning right after Chris left for work at around 7:30 my home phone rang and I almost didn't answer.  I did and I hear my nurse on the other end say, "Oh my gosh did I wake you up Becky."  I said, "Kind of."  She then said, "You won't care with the news I have."  At this point I started just sobbing as I knew that all of my weird symptoms was that I was pregnant.  I don't remember much of the phone call as I was crying and shaking.  She did tell me that the way they know is that they look for a 2 or higher on the beta test to show that someone is pregnant and I was at a 28 already!  WOW!  I talked to my friend, Stef, who did IVF with Dr. Ahlering and her number on this 8th day after the transfer was a 50 and she had triplets.  I am starting to wonder if I have twins, but I am so comfortable with that.  :)  Any how, I had to call Chris and tell him the news which he couldn't even understand me I was crying and shaking so hard.  I wish he could have come home so I could have given him a big hug, but he couldn't.  I then made the decision to tell my parents.  I got ready and got there and they were both so excited, but cautious as we have been here before.  Then from there went to get my niece with my mom and told my sister in law who had the most incredible reaction as we weren't supposed to know yet.  I told a few of my closest friends and family members just to get it off of my chest.  :)  Everyone is so happy, but like I said cautious.  Today being Wednesday I went back to Quest for beta test #2 to see if our numbers doubled.  I was so nervous and have been all day until I just got the phone call saying that my number went from a 28 to an 88.  I am one happy girl!  Today we are 4 weeks and 1 day pregnant.  I still feel like this is a dream and someone is going to wake me up from it, but for now we are just being cautious and hopeful.  I go on July 6th for an ultrasound.  Please continue to keep us in your prayers as I truly believe that is what got us to this point and I know we aren't done yet.  For now just going to enjoy this wonderful moment!  I AM PREGNANT!!!

Pray

With this post all I am asking is for lots of prayers right now.  We are both so excited and nervous about our possibilities.  Please pray for our miracle!

Optimistically Negative

A friend of mine talked to me today that has done this IVF thing a few times and made me feel MUCH better about everything.  Everything I am feeling is normal according to her which is nice to know.  The constant pressure I have that either my period is coming or I have to pee is normal and I just need to relax as you have this through your whole pregnancy.  The pains and cramps are normal too even though I still am not positive on that one.  That sharp pain that doubled me over yesterday sure didn't feel normal.  My emotions being through the roof and the fights I am having with my husband are more than normal.  :)  Chris and I had a doozy of one last night about all of this as I am so negative and he is so positive that I am pregnant.  Every time I cry or get emotional he is like you are pregnant and I just want to slap him.  I wanted him to realize that this might not have worked and then what will we do.  We finally agreed to disagree until this morning when he left for work and he gave me a hug and told me that he has been thinking.  He said that the good thing is that we know it isn't either one of our faults that we haven't got pregnant as my eggs did develop into two perfect embryo blastocysts and his sperm counts are still through the roof which means it will work for us.  What I wanted to say is yeah the problem is just when you put them back in my body and try to get my body to carry them, but I didn't say that.  So then he said what Dr. Ahlering keeps telling us which is "Good Stuff" when it comes to everything we are doing which in turn means he believes in us too.  (My hubs thinks our doctor looks like Steve Gutenburg, but I disagree.)  Any how, so I said to him so where do we go from here if this didn't work...are we done trying after this?  When do we say enough is enough since we have spent almost 50 grand on everything through the years?  He said we will tackle that when it happens, but we aren't done.  It was nice to hear him say that he isn't going to hold it against me if it doesn't work.  I guess that is my biggest fear right now with my high emotional state that he isn't going to want to be with me if we can't have a child.  I know that he does and we are in this together, but I feel inadequate.  Does anyone else ever feel that way like it is our fault for not making this happen?  So today my emotions are high on this Father's Day as I spent the day with my family and I know that they want this so bad for us, but I am so scared I am going to let them down as I know my mom wants grandchildren from her daughter and my sister in law wants to be an aunt.  They got on to me for being negative too and of course brought on the waterworks.  I just wish people understood this is my way of dealing with this as I have been through so much on this journey and I don't want a broken heart on Wednesday, but if I just prepare myself for the worst and I get the better news it will be even sweeter.  I still don't know what I think, but I have a new way of looking at things these next three days...  Optimistically Negative.  I am still hopeful in my heart and head, but I am still being negative.  Honestly being negative lets me function easier and not think about it 24/7.  Any how, the song Final Countdown just came on and that really and truly describes how I feel...we are counting down.  3 more days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I need lots of patience and prayers right now and I need to keep my emotions in check.  LOL...I can dream, right.

Breakdown Again

Tonight I just feel so emotional about everything.  I am so ready for next week to get here and get these blood tests over with and know something, but on the flip side am I really ready to hear the news either way.  I am scared out of my mind.  I am normally not an emotional person like this, but I can't get ahold of my emotions tonight.  Like I have said before is it all of the hormones I am on or is something going on.  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!  Today I had some sharp pains and then some tightness.  I am tired of analyzing and just need some answers, but then that takes me back to am I ready to hear the results.  Hopefully I can get through the weekend and accept whatever I hear next week.  Me being the planner I am, I need to figure out what we are going to do if we hear the dreaded words.  Chris gets so angry at me, but that is the realist in me even though I think I am.  If you can't tell I am going nuts.  I am hoping and praying with all of my might for the news we want and that there are two beautiful babies growing in me right now.  I also told God that we put this in his hands along time ago and reminded him of that that we have been patient and feel like he led us on this path and why would he do that if we were only going to be disappointed.  Any how, signing off, but needed to vent.  Night!

Waiting......Waiting.....Need Some Patience

Right now I need to be asking for some patience in my life as this 10 day wait to find out if my embryos took is starting to drive me nuts.  Let me rephrase that, I am nuts now.  It is all I can think about.  Everyone said that this was worse than all of the injections and I was like nah, there is no way, but now I am thinking they were right.  It would help if I had something to do like work to take my mind off of things, but I don't.  Instead I am just sitting on the couch per doctor's orders after my scare the other day.  BORING!  I thought yesterday was never going to end.  I don't understand how I have all of the patience in the world with my kindergarteners, but when it comes to this I am about to rip my hair out.  Then on top of that not being able to sleep is starting to not help.  This morning I was up at 4am with nausea and that was a new one.  I ate some crackers in bed with some gatorade and then dozed back off for a bit and had amazing dreams about our twins.  I really feel like I have to be pregnant as we were led on this path and everything happens for a reason.  I never would have done IVF and went to this new doctor in St. Louis if I wouldn't have become friends with the triplets mom this year and found out about him.  Then the moving to 2nd grade is telling me that the kindergarteners coming in are going to be rough and I don't need that stress at all.  I am trying to look at everything so positive and that just helps me to keep the faith.  Everyone asks me if I have symptoms and of course I do are you not realizing all of the hormones I am pumping into my body.  I had a breakdown last night after Chris went to bed and just lost it.  It is so easy to do.  I am not the crying type, but lately I am.  We have so much invested in this and I am not accepting failure.  I just have to keep telling myself this for 6 more days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  AHHHHHHH I really need some patience right now.  I can do this...RIGHT?!