FULL TERM!

We are FULL TERM today!  I can't believe that I am 37 weeks today and that close to finally being a MOM!  Today when I woke up, I woke up with the biggest smile and tears in my eyes.  My dream that has felt just within reach for so long, is about to really and truly come true.  We are ready to meet Miss Gabbie and complete our family.  Her nursery is ready for her to come too.  Now the rest of my house is a different story, but we are slowly making a dent in the mess and projects.  Chris is a machine!

The other day I sat down and read my blog all the way back to 2009 when I first started writing about my infertility and I just sobbed.  The one thing that I have learned through this journey is that I am a far stronger woman than I ever thought I was.  I still can't believe some of the things that I have done and been through on this journey.  Who would have thought this girl could have multiple injections through out the day and even given myself a few of them!  Seriously...I did that.  Who would have thought I could have emergency surgery, egg retrieval, endless amount of blood draws, 100's of injections, etc.  WOW!  I am really proud of myself and of Chris as this road has been more than rocky, but we faced it together and made our relationship even stronger!  I am lucky to be married to my best friend!

This pregnancy has definitely not been easy and right now is no exception as I am still on bedrest and going to the doctor more than ever.  My doctor has been amazing through all of this.  We have been checking off little milestones along this journey and today is a huge milestone that we get to check off.  When I think back to the beginning when we were having twins, to triplets, to one, to twins again, to losing one of the twins, it has been nuts to say the least.  I have cried probably more than smile that is for sure.  Like I said reality hadn't hit back then and I was still waiting for someone to take it all away.  Even though we are 37 weeks, it still isn't real to be honest with you.  My doctor said she can't wait to make it really real when she puts that baby in my arms.  I can't wait!

Our plan right now is this...  I am going to the doctor or hospital at least 6 times a week right now.  The doctor is really monitoring things and making sure that we don't miss a thing.  She is concerned that Miss Gabbie hasn't passed the BIOS Physical Profile test.  She has passed almost all of it except for the 30 seconds of practice breathing.  The first time we had it done, the doctor wasn't as worried as we were barely 34 weeks, but now that we are further along she should be passing this test.  I have to go for this test at least once a week if not more.  I am still having nonstress tests two times a week to check on her movement.  Miss Gabbie is still not moving as much as she should which is concerning.  As I am writing this, I am trying to see if I feel her move for her little kick test this morning.  I have a feeling that she is asleep.  She is definitely hard headed.  When we go for these nonstress tests, if she doesn't pass them, then we will be sent down for an ultrasound immediately which will get us admitted to the hospital yet again and plans will change.  I have another ultrasound tomorrow to measure Gabbie.  The doctor is concerned about her size right now as she doesn't think she is going to be able to just come and we are really looking at a c-section.  The doctor says my pelvis is the size of a child's which is just going to complicate matters.  I guess we will see what this ultrasound shows tomorrow for a final plan.  The plan right now is that I am going to deliver at 39 weeks either by induction or c-section.  We are going to do it on a day that my doctor is on call as I really want her to deliver her as she deserves too with all of the love and support she has given us.  On top of all of these weekly tests, I still have my weekly appointment with Dr. Leverett to check on things.  She told me she isn't even going to check for dilation and effacement as I have been having contractions since November.  I have to say I was more than thrilled to hear this as I HATE being checked.  :)

Alright so ending this post with life is amazing, God is amazing, and we are so thankful for all of the love and support that we have received on our very long journey!  We couldn't have done this without you!!!     

Another Scare And In The Hospital Again! 35 Weeks!

Gabbie wasn't moving much over the weekend and I actually followed my gut instinct and called the dr. They said I needed to come immediately for a non-stress test. I was nervous as I thought things were fine as I would check her heartbeat at home with the doppler, but I guess her not moving can mean other things. Once there she didn't move much as I was hooked up to the monitors and caused my dr to worry. They watched for movement for about 2 hours or longer. I was then taken for an ultrasound for a BIOS test.  There were different criteria that she had to pass to pass the test and she had only 30 minutes to complete the test. One was three basic body movements including arching of the spine, reflex movements, measure amniotic fluid, and then 30 secs of practice breathing. We failed the movement and breathing which scored us a 6 out of 10. I was then admitted to the hospital to watch her overnight and redo the test today. In the mean time, I had lots of contractions last night to the point they gave me meds to stop them. I noticed being hooked up to all of the monitors watching her heartbeat, contractions, and movement that when I would have a harder contraction, that her heartbeat would drop. I didn't sleep at all with everything and staring at the monitors. Then on top of that my alarm went off as I moved wrong which showed her heartbeat dropping. Good times. This morning we passed the movement part of the test, but not the breathing again. I was just sick laying there watching the ultrasound screen and not seeing her diaphragm move. After we got done I just started crying as the day before my doctor said that if she didn't pass the test we would be having a baby that day and a perineatologist would be called in to assist. I also knew that meant an amniocentesis which I know is deadly in some cases. :( To our dismay when we got back up to my hospital room, the dr let me come home, but being seen daily just about for appointments more or less. I have non stress tests every other day at the hospital to watch her movement as they are still worried. If she doesn't move the way that they like, then we have the BIOS test again. They were going to call in a perin and just deliver her today, but we are going to hope that she will stay put and get a bit bigger. THANK GOD! She is about 5 1/2 lbs though. They are having me go off the contraction meds as they think Gabbie is telling us that she needs to come with all of these contractions. If I have 8 or more contractions in an hour, we are to go in immediately. I am completely and totally overwhelmed with information and not sure what to do. They are worried about her lungs too still, but no reason to do the amnio as they can't do anything really until she comes. The nurse did take us down to the NICU and showed us that area just in case. I was very impressed with what I saw and it was just opened up so everything was gorgeous, private rooms, brand new equipment, and more. We are hoping we won't need any of that, but it is nice to know that it is there in case we do. So we just sit and wait, count kick counts, count contractions, etc. Yes, I am stressed if you can't tell.... I would love for life to be easy. LOL... So, where does this leave us, who knows?  Right now we are just asking for lots of prayers for our little miracle.  I am going to end this with my favorite part of the ultrasound which was of course seeing our princess again.  She has lots of hair already which explains my indigestion.  I love her so much and I am so ready to meet her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OUT OF THE DANGER ZONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM OFFICIALLY OUT OF THE DANGER ZONE!  TODAY I AM 34 WEEKS.  UNREAL!!!  I HONESTLY WOULD JUMP UP AN DOWN IF I COULD.

I can't believe that we are really here.  Our little Gabbie could make her appearance at any time.  Granted the Dr is still keeping me on meds to stop contractions until 36 weeks as that is our new goal now.  Plus on top of that I am being watched for preeclampsia too.  At my appt last week, my normally extremely low blood pressure was high with 132/92 and I was experiencing headaches.  It is just one more thing to worry about and put me on edge.  The Dr also said that my cervix is changing, dilating, and shrinking which puts us even closer.  I am not going to be going back to work until after Gabbie comes.  I hate that I am going to miss more school, but I need to do what is right for Gabbie and myself.  We have so much invested in this experience and this little girl. 

Yesterday was my baby shower and it was beyond perfect.  My mom and sister in law put together a fish shower with my closest friends and family.  It was amazing.  I am still in shock.  Gabbie got so many things yesterday to say the least.  The whole day was emotional and surreal.  I am putting in a few of my favorite pictures from yesterday.  So blessed...

One of my cakes that Jason made.  LOVE IT!

My mom, my sister in law Fran, and I

My presents...

A side shot of me...I feel huge!

Chris and I...we are so ready to be parents.

My mom and I

Some of my former students that came...I love those kids so much!

2012 and 8 Months Pregnant

Just a quick post saying how much I love 2012 already!  Today I am 32 weeks or 8 months in my pregnancy!  I can't believe it!  We are so close and Miss Gabbie could be here any day now.  We are so excited and slowly counting down the days until her arrival.  Not only that we are marking things off our to do list.  We are so happy and ready to be parents!!!  GIDDY!!!!

4D Ultrasound

Yesterday we went for our second 4D ultrasound of Gabbie.  Chris purchased this for me for Christmas so we could see our angel one more time before she comes in a few more weeks.  What an amazing experience.  Not only did we get pictures and a DVD to have for a lifetime, but a bear that they recorded her heartbeat in so we have it as a keepsake.  It was an amazing day.  However, the real gift came later that night.  I had horrible contractions that night and was up until 4am with contractions before the medications kicked in. We should have gone in to the hospital, but the Dr said it was our call. After a few dosages, I slept and they relaxed down a lot to the point I could get comfortable again. Meanwhile Chris cleaned and worked on stuff in the house including putting things together for Gabbie.  I woke up at 5:30 to hear music from the family room. I came in here to find Chris watching the video of Gabbie from earlier that day. They put it to music that just really and truly describes what a miracle she is.  For example, "You Are So Beautiful". When I came in he had already watched it 3 times before he had me watch it with him again.  Listening to him talk about Gabbie and how beautiful she is, just melted my heart.  I don't think life can get any better. Honestly....we are really and truly blessed to say the least and can't wait to actually hold our little angel.  Here are a few pictures of her...  Chris loves the one of her flipping off the camera.  She is definitely his daughter.  :)

.. 

Christmas 2011

We had an amazing Christmas.  Gabbie is so loved that is for sure.  I am not going to write much, but wanted to post a few pics of my amazing supportive family that I love so much.  We couldn't have done IVF and got to where we are without them.  I wish I had one of my dad with us on this day, but I will put one of him with Gabbie when she arrives.  :) 

Merry Christmas Eve! MEMORIES!

WOW!  Are we really about to celebrate a holiday and not be depressed for the first time in 6 years!  Unreal!  As Chris and I laid in bed and talked the other night, we thought back about all of the holidays we were just sad and down as we didn't have the one gift that we had wanted for so long.  I remember each of those holidays like they were yesterday.  We would wake up and just dread going over to my parents house as we knew our nieces would be there and it was just like the biggest slap in the face that we didn't have a child.  We would fight many of these mornings as neither of us really knew how to cope and face the day.  Thank God for my amazing family that after a few years of our struggles finally understood what we were going through with each holiday.  How could you not see the pain and tears in our eyes. 

I remember last Christmas like it was yesterday as we had a new sense of hope because our friend Stef Baldwin shared with us about a new doctor in St. Louis that was a top notch doctor and a cheaper doctor for IVF.  We knew on last years Christmas that we were going to meet with that doctor and quite possibly give ourselves one more chance at infertility treatment.  This hope made last years holiday a little bit easier for the both of us and gave us life again.  I can't begin to say how thankful I am to Stef for telling me about Dr. Ahlering.  Stef is truly one of the angels that God put in my life for a reason.  I am forever indebted to her as she is the one that is making our dreams come true.  I know I have told her this over and over, but I would do anything for her and her triplets.

Now the present day and we are either days, weeks, or months away from meeting our little miracle.  This road has definitely not been easy even with the actual pregnancy, but all of this is making me stronger.  I have prepared myself that she could be here today, tomorrow, or in a few weeks as nothing that happens to me is normal.  :)  I know that some people are like think positive, but they haven't been in my shoes and have no idea what we have endured and continue to endure.  Right now I am on bedrest from school as I am already dilated and effaced.  On top of that having lots of contractions and on meds to stop the contractions.  Everyday any more has me wondering, but I know that God is watching over us and our little Gabbie.  I am so ready to meet her, but hoping and praying that she stays put a while longer.  I will be 31 weeks in a few more days and welcome each day of this pregnancy with a smile on my face as my doctor said we aren't counting each week as a milestone now, but each day.  Who knows what will happen these next few weeks, but so blessed and excited about our miracle baby that will be entering the world.

I know that with this holiday I have a smile on my face, a bounce in my step, and as my friends say I am glowing, but deep down I ache and hurt for my friends that are still suffering from infertility.  Infertility is horrible and I wouldn't wish it on anyone as it is the most painful journey I have been on and unless you have walked in these shoes, don't tell me you understand.  To those friends, I am praying for you and hope that soon you will be blessed with a miracle of your own may it be through fertility treatment, naturally, or adoption.  Tomorrow morning as I wake up on Christmas morning, I will be more than thankful for what I have and hope that you get to experience this amazing feeling that we have right now.  To everyone else, cherish these holidays as you don't know how truly fortunate you are to have blessings in your life.  I am ending this post with a picture of myself by my sister in laws Christmas tree with my bump.  With my bedrest our house isn't full of holiday spirit as we don't even have a tree up or presents, but that doesn't matter as our present is still to come.  Merry Christmas everyone!

Nerves

Tonight I just needed to sit and reflect for a minute.  After everything that happened last week with the preterm labor, I am more on edge then ever.  I really wish I knew what was going to happen with Miss Gabbie and when she was going to come.  I feel horrible that I am not doing a very good job of protecting her right now.  I know a lot of that isn't my fault, but then again some of it is as honestly I probably shouldn't be working right now.  Being a kindergarten teacher and not being able to get off of my feet, isn't the best scenario right now.  I know that it is really taking a toll on my body and I can only imagine what it is doing to her.  Tomorrow we have a variety of doctor's appointments and I will be curious to hear what my doctor says about everything.  I know no one in my family wants me working either.  I just wish I knew what to do.  I feel horrible on the flipside as I feel like I am being a horrible teacher and anyone that knows me knows that I love what I do and love those kids so much.  It is just hard right now and I am hoping someone just tells me what I HAVE to do tomorrow to make me feel better.  I am off to take some more TUMS for my indigestion and try to sleep.  More information tomorrow...  Praying for some news tomorrow....

PRE-TERM LABOR!

So on Monday we entered our 3rd trimester and our 28th week of this pregnant.  I still can't believe it.  We are actually going to be parents in a few more months. 

I went for my every 2 week appt yesterday and after she got done measuring my belly, she asked me how I was feeling.   I mentioned to her the pain I had been having in my pelvis and how that morning, I couldn't even get out of bed hardly.  She said she thought it was the ligament pain, but wanted to check me any way.  I couldn't have been more happy that I told her as when she did check me my cervix was soft and a fingertip worth of an opening.  We were sent to the hospital after that.  Talk about nervous as we hadn't even been there before and had to go to labor and delivery.  Got hooked up to monitors to hear Gabbie's heartbeat and check contractions.  I had been having them like I thought, but then they started coming harder and faster.  I was given a shot of the Terbutaline (sp) to stop contractions so I could have an ultrasound.  Let me just say this drug isn't fun as the room starting spinning and I had the shakes.  Any how, we did get to see Gabs and she has grown for sure.  Then saw my cervix was still measuring at a 4 which was a huge relief.  It had been at a 6 at 20 weeks, but they said they will monitor.  If it would have been at a 2, I would be on hospital bedrest.  As I was in there contractions kept coming to the point they were minutes a part.  Got back up to the room and hooked back up to monitors.  Given 2 more injections and was told I wasn't leaving for the night.  I was so scared as I thought she was coming the way the contractions kept coming.  Once I got that third injection, things slowed down and I was given the same med orally.  I wasn't allowed to eat or drink anything just in case something changed, but was given pain meds and hooked up to an IV.  I just laid there with tears in my eyes.  My mom came up so Chris could go home to get clothes and things as they thought things were slowing down.  I finally got to eat at about 10 last night when Chris brought me a chicken sandwich as they were done serving food from the kitchen.  The night was a long one as my IV kept beeping at me and my monitors on my belly came sliding.  I was finally allowed to sleep at around 1am and was given something to help me sleep.  Chris stayed the night with me and slept on the fold out sofa.  I was so glad to have him there.  Contractions are next to nothing now and I am back home on the sofa for the weekend.  My Dr said that she is going to give me a 2nd chance and let me work still, but I have to listen to my body and stay home when I need to and get off of my feet at work.  I might even do 1/2 days.  We will see.  I am just glad to be home.  I am so beat today from it all that is for sure.  I do know what to watch for and the pain everyone told me that I was having isn't normal for me.  I really don't know what to about work at all.   I know last night I was so worried that if she did come I have NOTHING ready for her.  Talk about putting me in full overdrive.  I am just trying to stay calm.  The big thing I am doing is packing my overnight bag as Chris came home to get stuff and boy did he do a horrible job.  I know he was upset and nervous, but got me clothes that didn't match or fit, not toothbrush or toothpaste, no deodorant, and I am sure you are getting the point.  He did manage to pack up his X-BOX and a 12 pack of Sprite for him  Good times...  So that is the latest on my Bumpy Road to Motherhood.  Just hoping and praying that she stays put at least until middle of January.  I think my phone said like 60 days until she is full term.  Just pray for us if you don't mind.