Showing posts with label Pregnancy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pregnancy. Show all posts

Monday, February 6, 2012

FULL TERM!

We are FULL TERM today!  I can't believe that I am 37 weeks today and that close to finally being a MOM!  Today when I woke up, I woke up with the biggest smile and tears in my eyes.  My dream that has felt just within reach for so long, is about to really and truly come true.  We are ready to meet Miss Gabbie and complete our family.  Her nursery is ready for her to come too.  Now the rest of my house is a different story, but we are slowly making a dent in the mess and projects.  Chris is a machine!

The other day I sat down and read my blog all the way back to 2009 when I first started writing about my infertility and I just sobbed.  The one thing that I have learned through this journey is that I am a far stronger woman than I ever thought I was.  I still can't believe some of the things that I have done and been through on this journey.  Who would have thought this girl could have multiple injections through out the day and even given myself a few of them!  Seriously...I did that.  Who would have thought I could have emergency surgery, egg retrieval, endless amount of blood draws, 100's of injections, etc.  WOW!  I am really proud of myself and of Chris as this road has been more than rocky, but we faced it together and made our relationship even stronger!  I am lucky to be married to my best friend!

This pregnancy has definitely not been easy and right now is no exception as I am still on bedrest and going to the doctor more than ever.  My doctor has been amazing through all of this.  We have been checking off little milestones along this journey and today is a huge milestone that we get to check off.  When I think back to the beginning when we were having twins, to triplets, to one, to twins again, to losing one of the twins, it has been nuts to say the least.  I have cried probably more than smile that is for sure.  Like I said reality hadn't hit back then and I was still waiting for someone to take it all away.  Even though we are 37 weeks, it still isn't real to be honest with you.  My doctor said she can't wait to make it really real when she puts that baby in my arms.  I can't wait!

Our plan right now is this...  I am going to the doctor or hospital at least 6 times a week right now.  The doctor is really monitoring things and making sure that we don't miss a thing.  She is concerned that Miss Gabbie hasn't passed the BIOS Physical Profile test.  She has passed almost all of it except for the 30 seconds of practice breathing.  The first time we had it done, the doctor wasn't as worried as we were barely 34 weeks, but now that we are further along she should be passing this test.  I have to go for this test at least once a week if not more.  I am still having nonstress tests two times a week to check on her movement.  Miss Gabbie is still not moving as much as she should which is concerning.  As I am writing this, I am trying to see if I feel her move for her little kick test this morning.  I have a feeling that she is asleep.  She is definitely hard headed.  When we go for these nonstress tests, if she doesn't pass them, then we will be sent down for an ultrasound immediately which will get us admitted to the hospital yet again and plans will change.  I have another ultrasound tomorrow to measure Gabbie.  The doctor is concerned about her size right now as she doesn't think she is going to be able to just come and we are really looking at a c-section.  The doctor says my pelvis is the size of a child's which is just going to complicate matters.  I guess we will see what this ultrasound shows tomorrow for a final plan.  The plan right now is that I am going to deliver at 39 weeks either by induction or c-section.  We are going to do it on a day that my doctor is on call as I really want her to deliver her as she deserves too with all of the love and support she has given us.  On top of all of these weekly tests, I still have my weekly appointment with Dr. Leverett to check on things.  She told me she isn't even going to check for dilation and effacement as I have been having contractions since November.  I have to say I was more than thrilled to hear this as I HATE being checked.  :)

Alright so ending this post with life is amazing, God is amazing, and we are so thankful for all of the love and support that we have received on our very long journey!  We couldn't have done this without you!!!     

Monday, January 23, 2012

Another Scare And In The Hospital Again! 35 Weeks!

Gabbie wasn't moving much over the weekend and I actually followed my gut instinct and called the dr. They said I needed to come immediately for a non-stress test. I was nervous as I thought things were fine as I would check her heartbeat at home with the doppler, but I guess her not moving can mean other things. Once there she didn't move much as I was hooked up to the monitors and caused my dr to worry. They watched for movement for about 2 hours or longer. I was then taken for an ultrasound for a BIOS test.  There were different criteria that she had to pass to pass the test and she had only 30 minutes to complete the test. One was three basic body movements including arching of the spine, reflex movements, measure amniotic fluid, and then 30 secs of practice breathing. We failed the movement and breathing which scored us a 6 out of 10. I was then admitted to the hospital to watch her overnight and redo the test today. In the mean time, I had lots of contractions last night to the point they gave me meds to stop them. I noticed being hooked up to all of the monitors watching her heartbeat, contractions, and movement that when I would have a harder contraction, that her heartbeat would drop. I didn't sleep at all with everything and staring at the monitors. Then on top of that my alarm went off as I moved wrong which showed her heartbeat dropping. Good times. This morning we passed the movement part of the test, but not the breathing again. I was just sick laying there watching the ultrasound screen and not seeing her diaphragm move. After we got done I just started crying as the day before my doctor said that if she didn't pass the test we would be having a baby that day and a perineatologist would be called in to assist. I also knew that meant an amniocentesis which I know is deadly in some cases. :( To our dismay when we got back up to my hospital room, the dr let me come home, but being seen daily just about for appointments more or less. I have non stress tests every other day at the hospital to watch her movement as they are still worried. If she doesn't move the way that they like, then we have the BIOS test again. They were going to call in a perin and just deliver her today, but we are going to hope that she will stay put and get a bit bigger. THANK GOD! She is about 5 1/2 lbs though. They are having me go off the contraction meds as they think Gabbie is telling us that she needs to come with all of these contractions. If I have 8 or more contractions in an hour, we are to go in immediately. I am completely and totally overwhelmed with information and not sure what to do. They are worried about her lungs too still, but no reason to do the amnio as they can't do anything really until she comes. The nurse did take us down to the NICU and showed us that area just in case. I was very impressed with what I saw and it was just opened up so everything was gorgeous, private rooms, brand new equipment, and more. We are hoping we won't need any of that, but it is nice to know that it is there in case we do. So we just sit and wait, count kick counts, count contractions, etc. Yes, I am stressed if you can't tell.... I would love for life to be easy. LOL... So, where does this leave us, who knows?  Right now we are just asking for lots of prayers for our little miracle.  I am going to end this with my favorite part of the ultrasound which was of course seeing our princess again.  She has lots of hair already which explains my indigestion.  I love her so much and I am so ready to meet her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, January 16, 2012

OUT OF THE DANGER ZONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM OFFICIALLY OUT OF THE DANGER ZONE!  TODAY I AM 34 WEEKS.  UNREAL!!!  I HONESTLY WOULD JUMP UP AN DOWN IF I COULD.

I can't believe that we are really here.  Our little Gabbie could make her appearance at any time.  Granted the Dr is still keeping me on meds to stop contractions until 36 weeks as that is our new goal now.  Plus on top of that I am being watched for preeclampsia too.  At my appt last week, my normally extremely low blood pressure was high with 132/92 and I was experiencing headaches.  It is just one more thing to worry about and put me on edge.  The Dr also said that my cervix is changing, dilating, and shrinking which puts us even closer.  I am not going to be going back to work until after Gabbie comes.  I hate that I am going to miss more school, but I need to do what is right for Gabbie and myself.  We have so much invested in this experience and this little girl. 

Yesterday was my baby shower and it was beyond perfect.  My mom and sister in law put together a fish shower with my closest friends and family.  It was amazing.  I am still in shock.  Gabbie got so many things yesterday to say the least.  The whole day was emotional and surreal.  I am putting in a few of my favorite pictures from yesterday.  So blessed...

One of my cakes that Jason made.  LOVE IT!

My mom, my sister in law Fran, and I

My presents...

A side shot of me...I feel huge!

Chris and I...we are so ready to be parents.

My mom and I

Some of my former students that came...I love those kids so much!

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Nerves

Tonight I just needed to sit and reflect for a minute.  After everything that happened last week with the preterm labor, I am more on edge then ever.  I really wish I knew what was going to happen with Miss Gabbie and when she was going to come.  I feel horrible that I am not doing a very good job of protecting her right now.  I know a lot of that isn't my fault, but then again some of it is as honestly I probably shouldn't be working right now.  Being a kindergarten teacher and not being able to get off of my feet, isn't the best scenario right now.  I know that it is really taking a toll on my body and I can only imagine what it is doing to her.  Tomorrow we have a variety of doctor's appointments and I will be curious to hear what my doctor says about everything.  I know no one in my family wants me working either.  I just wish I knew what to do.  I feel horrible on the flipside as I feel like I am being a horrible teacher and anyone that knows me knows that I love what I do and love those kids so much.  It is just hard right now and I am hoping someone just tells me what I HAVE to do tomorrow to make me feel better.  I am off to take some more TUMS for my indigestion and try to sleep.  More information tomorrow...  Praying for some news tomorrow....

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

24 Weeks and 4D Ultrasound

I can mark a major milestone off of the list.  We are 24 weeks which means Gabbie can survive without me if she did decide to come early.  I still can't believe that we have gotten this far in my pregnancy.  Today things are more than real as she isn't this little alien that is growing in me, but an actual baby.  The ultrasound today was beautiful.  Of course she didn't want to cooperate and every time we would switch from 2D to 4D she would put her hand in front of her face.  We did get a few good pictures that I will post.  Everyone says she has my nose.  My sister in law thinks she looks like Chris in the face, but I don't see it.  I just think she is beautiful already and the first picture really shows it.  :)




Sunday, October 2, 2011

Sneak Peak and 19 Weeks

Is reality setting in with me yet, NOPE!  You would think that I would be realizing that I am going to be a mom in just about another 20 weeks, but NOPE!  We have even been shopping and big items are being purchased, but NOPE still not real.  My doctor joked with me on Thursday that it will take me holding our angel in our arms to realize that I was pregnant.

On Thursday I went for my every 2 week appointment.  Chris couldn't go this time as he was in the middle of his inventory and that is his superbowl of his work year.  So, my mom went with me instead as I have been on edge about a few things.  I am so glad that she went with me.  Immediately when she walked in and started asking questions, I just broke down.  I told her about all of the pain I am having on my right pelvic bone and she said that could be ligaments stretching or core ligament pain.  That made me feel better, but when I told her I am not sure if I am feeling movement and that makes me nervous.  She knows what a roller coaster ride this has been through the years and she could see that this was affecting me in more ways than one including not sleeping and nightmares.  I told her that I can listen to the heartbeat and it is reassuring, but not sure if I am feeling movement and not having an ultrasound since I was 12 weeks makes me wonder.  I told her that I know I have my internal and external ultrasound on the 11th and 20 weeks, but it is too far away.  She told me that since I was the last appointment for the day she wanted to end her day on a good note and we would do an ultrasound for fun.  :)  Can you say excited!  I looked at my mom and she was grinning from ear to ear too. 

We went down for the ultrasound and it took a bit for it to kick in.  I thought this would be a perfect time to find out a bit more information.  She told me that she does have concerns with me as my uterus is huge from IVF and putting me ahead of schedule, the other baby's sac is still there and growing, that I am carrying the baby so low, and a few other things.  I knew she was worried, but hearing it kind of made me feel better.  I know most people just got every 4 weeks at this point in their pregnancy and I feel blessed she sees me every 2 weeks to monitor me closely. 

When we started the ultrasound, you could immediately see my lovebugs profile and the he/she didn't fit on the screen any more.  The baby was looking at us and it was just amazing.  I couldn't believe that I could see the spine, body features, and the little heart.  Then the baby arched his/her back and yawned.  It was beautiful.  I just watched with tears welling up in my eyes that this amazing human being is literally growing inside me.  The doctor than pointed out why I am not feeling true movement yet.  Where I am carrying the baby and where my placenta is, there is a huge gap.  She said that the baby would have to kick or punch way high up for me to feel movement.  She said I will feel it, but it will be a while.  What a huge sigh of relief I had then.  Just laying there and watching my little one move was incredible.  Then my mom asked the big question that I knew she would ask and said, can you find out the sex?  I am just laying there half wanting to know, but knowing my hubby will be mad that he isn't there.  I was a little relieved when the baby didn't want to move, but all of a sudden he/she moved a bit and we saw something for just a second.  I think I know what we are having, but not positive.  I must be pretty confident as I bought some baby clothes this weekend.  I am still waiting to really have a long time for an ultrasound before saying anything, but believe me I want to scream the news at the top of my lungs!  Here is a picture of our lovebug during the ultrasound.


The picture didn't copy well, but you can see the head, the long swan neck like mine, and the upper body region.  I just love looking at this picture.  It is now midnight which makes me officially 19 weeks.  1 more week and we are half way through this pregnancy and one day away from the in depth ultrasound.  One excited Lil Momma.  Thanks for all of the continued prayers and support!  We appreciate them!

Friday, September 23, 2011

Belly at Almost 18 Weeks

So I finally did what everyone had been asking me to do...I took a picture of my belly.  I personally hate the pictures as I feel huge and just disheveled, but still.  For those of you that want to see the bump.  Here you go....  Enjoy....


Wednesday, September 7, 2011

I Was Given Alcohol!

What a past 24 hours I have had!   Went to Applebees last night for dinner with friends and had a frozen lemonade to drink instead of caffeine trying to be good as I had drank nothing, but water during the day.  We even told the waiter to hurry on the appetizers as I was prego and hungry,  During dinner was feeling hot and a headache coming on.  When the ticket came we saw that the waiter brought me a spiked frozen lemonade even though the waiter knew I was pregnant and that beverage isn't even on the menu.  It was quite the evening to say the least and I just feel sick especially from the headache I got.  I talked to my doctor's office and they said to call them today once I got up and moving.  The good thing is that I am out of my first trimester and I didn't drink that much, but still you know how I am feeling like I have so much invested in this and it doesn't take the worry away.  Applebees is flipping out to say the least as they said they have never had this happen before, but come to find out today that this has happened before and a child was served alcohol.  The General Manager was supposed to call me today and believe me he has, more info on that to come.  The manager last night just kept asking what can I do, what can I do.  With each thing he said the tears welled up until I lost it.  Luckily I have amazing friends who helped me through all of this.  I can honestly say that last night I didn't get much sleep at all even though I was sure things were fine, but I was more mad than anything.  Today when I got up I was still angry to say the least.  I called the doctor and while waiting on them to call back, Applebees called more than a few times wanting to know if I was fine and had seen a doctor.  I then talked to my drs office and they said to come in at 1:00.  I was so nervous to be honest with you, but more than relieved and happy when I heard that little heartbeat just going as fast as it could.  :)  Then the coolest thing happened, the baby actually kicked the doppler.  You heard this thump sound and the doctor looked and me and smiled only to say that is what had happened.  I have a feeling that soon enough I will be feeling this little bundle of joy moving all over the place and can't wait.  The doctor wrote me out directions saying that I had been exposed to alcohol by Applebees, what the fetal tones were, that I need lots of fluid, and follow up appointments.  This covers me in case something does happen, but it won't.  Tomorrow I am going to call Applebee's General Manager back and give him an earful about the situation.  I want to figure out everything I want to say first.  I am still SOOOOOOO angry about the whole thing.  Nothing like more drama in my life and my pregnancy!  LOL...

Monday, September 5, 2011

15 Weeks!

Today I am 15 weeks!  It doesn't even seem possible!  It really just seems like yesterday that we were in St. Louis doing IVF.  I still don't think the reality of the fact that I am pregnant has hit me.  The joke is that I won't realize that I am pregnant until I am holding that beautiful baby in my arms.  :)  I know that I am, but it still seems so surreal.

Now the update on our baby and how I am doing. :)
Baby is the size of: a naval orange...our little Gomez or Gertie are growing!  I would almost even say that our baby is larger than that as our baby was weighing in at 2oz a few weeks ago and it says that the baby should way 2.5oz.

Symptoms: I am not having any major symptoms lately.  I guess what people say about the 2nd trimester is true as I am feeling pretty good.  I am getting some pain from my body stretching especially when I sleep, but not too bad.  The only thing that i have still is acne.  Hello hormones!

Weight gain: None...I went to the doctor last week and I am dropping weight still.  I still think I am dropping IVF weight and that is why I can't tell I am gaining even though my bump is growing.

Maternity clothes - I went and bought a few more shirts yesterday.  It is already hard enough to find shirts that are long enough for my body. 

Sleep: I bought a snoogle a few weeks ago and I do have to say that is helps some when trying to fall asleep, but the pain I have been having when laying on my side isn't fun.  I know that it is just my body stretching and growing for this baby, but it is uncomfortable.

Movement: The doctor last week said I should start feeling movement this week.  I can't wait to feel it and it would definitely give me such peace of mind knowing the baby is really developing.

Cravings: I am really not having cravings.  I have been wanting fruit a lot lately, but that is about it.  The other thing is my Lay's BBQ chips.

Strangest moment: People are starting to rub my belly.  I thought it would bother me, but it doesn't at all.  It is kind of neat that people are so excited.  Also, my kindergarteners think every time I have a doctors appt that I am having the baby.  :)  It is kind of cute!

Gender: Don't know yet!  We will know in a few more weeks.  I have so many friends that are making predictions and most of them say girl.  I am still thinking boy, but I just want a healthy baby.

What I look forward to: My appt next week and scheduling my ultrasound to find out the sex of the baby.  I am not being very patient about this.  Also, our baby furniture is being delivered on Saturday.  We even went over to my parents house to get a bunch of stuff out of their basement as I bought bedding and stuff years ago before we knew about our infertility issues.  I had to get it out of the house as it was too hard to look at.  I now have these boxes here and opening them will bring back a lot of memories, but I am excited to see what we already have.  Hello Fish Nursery!

Milestones: Really starting to accept that I am going to be a mom.  :)

Monday, August 22, 2011

13 Weeks!

Wow..this pregnancy really feels like it is trucking along.  I am sure the fact that school has started, is really helping me out more than anything.  I have so many other things on my mind that I don't just dwell on the baby and the baby we are losing.  We did take a huge step this weekend in that we went shopping for furniture for the nursery and actually bought a set!  I love it!  It was normally $4500, but on clearance for $1300 as they are putting out a new model at Nebraska Furniture Mart.  It will be delivered on Sept 10th.  Here is a link to the furniture...  http://www.munirefurniture.com/lexington_01.htm

Now the update on our baby and how I am doing.  :)

Baby is the size of: a peach...our little Gomez or Gertie are growing!
Symptoms: I am doing pretty good on this lately.  I can tell that the end of my nausea is here or so I hope.  The one thing that is driving me nuts is my acne.  Hello hormones...  I feel like a teenager again.  Another symptom I always has is sore boobs in the morning and definitely some cramping before fully getting up.  Other than that doing good.
Weight gain: Maybe 1 pound. When I did IVF and the steroids, I gained lots of weight from the meds. Now that I went off the steroids, I am dropping weight. :) I think I have put on about a pound though even though I have been dropping weight.
Maternity clothes - I wore my first pair of pregnancy jeans on Friday and I felt so weird to say the least.  The panel made me nuts as I felt like my shirt wasn't long enough to cover it.  I bought a few new shirts this weekend for my birthday.
Sleep: I am tossing and turning most of the night.  A friend recommended a pillow that I am thinking I might go buy real soon. 

Movement: Not yet...however in the last ultrasound the baby was moving all over the place. I can't wait to feel it for real!  Chris calls it our little Mexican Jumping Bean.  It was so funny in the ultrasound last week.
Cravings: Still not having to many cravings except for my Propel Water.  I am having some nice indigestion after eating.   Good times...
Strangest moment: Seeing the baby going crazy last week in the ultrasound.  :)
Gender: Don't know yet!
What I look forward to: Next doctor's appointment on the 2nd to check on the babies. I am hoping that the one is gone and the other baby is still flourishing! Hoping that some of my restrictions will be removed.
Milestones: So close to finding out the sex of the baby.  :) 

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Happy Birthday To Me!

In just an hour, I am going to be 34 years old.  I can't believe that I am going to be that old.  I think my age has really been on my mind as I am finally pregnant and going to be a mom in just 6 months.  Thinking ahead I hope that I will live long enough to be a grandma and my child doesn't have to endure what Chris and I have on the infertility path.  I know that is a long ways down the road, but I am really feeling old with this birthday.  Then tonight at dinner at the Outback having one of my former students as our waitress who was in my student teaching kindergarten class who is now 19, just made me gag.  I honestly can't believe how much I have done and accomplished in my professional career and my life as a wife.  I am now in my 13th year of teaching and we just celebrated our 8th year of marriage.  When you look at all of that, it makes me smile and proud of myself.  In just 6 months I am going to add another big accomplishment to my life that being becoming a mom and a parent.  I can't wait.  I know that this is going to be the best year of my life in so many ways.  Next year at this time I will be 35 and I can't wait to see how I am feeling and thinking.  Happy 34th Birthday To Me!

Monday, August 8, 2011

11 WEEKS!!!!

We are 11 weeks and one week away from being out of the first trimester! I know that this hasn't been the smoothest road for sure with all of the bumps we have encountered including finding out we are losing one of the twins, but if we end up with one baby in the end, I am more than happy and IVF was more than successful in my eyes. :)


I saw this idea of someone elses blog and thought it would be a fun documentation of how my body, life, and the baby is changing from time to time.

Baby is the size of: a lime...our little Gomez or Gertie are growing!

Symptoms: Nausea is still an issue that is for sure, but I have been noticing that it is getting a bit better! WOO HOO! I am having less waking up at 3 or 4am to eat. I have also found that eating ice helps, don't know why, but it does. The metallic taste I had been having is getting to be less too. I am noticing some cramping and what feels like stretching going on. I read in my book that my uterus is expanding but of course I am wondering if the other baby is miscarrying finally. I am also starting to have some back pain. I of course have sore boobs every morning when I wake up. I still welcome all of these symptoms as it means I am normal even though they suck.

Weight gain: Maybe 1 pound. When I did IVF and the steroids, I gained lots of weight from the meds. Now that I went off the steroids, I am dropping weight. :) I think I have put on about a pound though even though I have been dropping weight.

Maternity clothes - I went maternity clothes shopping this weekend with my mom as that is my birthday present from my mom. Missouri had Tax Free weekend so on top of the sales we found, no tax! I had a hard time finding any cute tops for work, but have plenty of time. I was more worried about getting some pants to wear. You have no idea what a huge step this was to even buy clothes. I am really starting to accept that I am pregnant. Maybe I will bust out the pregnancy journal this week.

Sleep: Beginning to become more and more uncomfortable - which is not something I am enjoying, I can't seem to get comfortable. I sleep fine until I wake up to go to the bathroom then it's all over the place as I toss and turn seeking a comfortable position. I am not a back sleeper, but that is what I am having to do to even think of dosing off.

Movement: Not yet...however in the last ultrasound the baby was moving all over the place. I can't wait to feel it for real!

Cravings: None really...food aversions are some of the things that Chris has been cooking and looking at them. YUCK!!

Strangest moment: None yet...this whole process has been strange

Gender: Don't know yet!

What I look forward to: Next doctor's appointment on the 18th to check on the babies. I am hoping that the one is gone and the other baby is still flourishing!  Also 2 more weeks of taking progesterone!!  Big WOO HOO!!! 

Milestones: 1 week away from end of the 1st trimester

Monday, November 29, 2010

Finally Good News!!!!!!

Finally some good news that makes me want to jump for joy.  I am not even sure where to start as I have had nothing, but good news these past few days.  Nothing like a little bit of hope during the holidays to help Chris and I get through.  I have a set of triplets in my class this year that I look at each day as a miracle.  I know what their parents went through to have them and really and truly they are a gift from God.  I finally had a chance to talk to the mom and she gave me some information that I have looked into that sounds promising.  She went to all of the doctors here in KC, but either had no luck or miscarried.  She then went to a doctor in St. Louis and had success.  This doctor is one of the tops in the nation and comes very highly recommended.  On top of that he and other doctors have developed a new procedure called Micro IVF.  This procedure sounds very similar to IVF and is a 1/3 of the cost.  Chris and I talked as we are going to give it a go.  We have a consult set up for next month to meet with this doctor.  The hope that this doctor gives me is incredible.  It has had me on cloud nine since last Tuesday when we made the decision to go forward.  I know that we have lots of time until this would happen, but it will make the time pass and the heartache easier.

The last piece of good news I got is from my acupuncturist.  I have been going to her since August and today what she said really made my day.  When I got there she asked how I was and I told her that I had a mystery illness on Saturday with no real symptoms.  She then listened to my pulse and said she was putting needles in different places and would tell me about it after she listened to my pulse after the needles were out.  I laid there for what seemed forever and she came in.  She listened to my pulse again and just smiled.  She said based on my pulse, how strong it is, and how it has changed since last week, something has happened.  She doesn't want to get my hopes up, but said I could be pregnant or it is a sign that my body had a strong ovulation for the first time.  The idea that this really could be happening was enough to put a smile on my face.  She said all of that plus the fact that I felt ovulation this month, that my immune system is weak, body aches, and my new pulse leads her to believe that maybe just maybe I could dare say it...no I can't say it, but you get the picture.  She told me to take it easy, stay warm, and get rest.  I guess we will see next Monday what my pulse says and if I start.  I am on pins and needles, but at the same time can I dare let my heart get happy when I know that I have been let down so many times before.  I guess time will tell.  Prayers are needed right now and believe me we will be praying extra hard for a miracle or just a good change with my body.  This is going to be a long next week to say the least!

Friday, September 4, 2009

More Than Excited

I am a true believer right now. Everything is literally going way to perfect this month. I couldn't be happier. I had insemination this morning or IUI and I have 1 large egg on each ovary, a medium size egg also on my right ovary, and lots of little ones that won't do anything. I am so pumped. Then to make things even better Chris's side went fantastic too! I really feel like this is the month. I just know that I will be prego by Sunday! I have my fingers, toes, and anything else crossed that I can. I just hope that if this doesn't happen this month, that everyone realizes this is going to hit me harder than ever before. Everything is in line to be perfect!!!! WOO HOO!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Let the Waiting Begin

I am not going to write much as I would like to forget yesterday. Yesterday was the day of my IUI procedure. For some reason it was more painful than ever before. I have been laying on the couch since having a hard time sitting up let alone moving. The pain is a combo of the procedure and ovulation of two large eggs. I slept in today until noon and that seemed to help some, but I am still very sore, but much better than yesterday.

Now it is the waiting game to see if it worked. The chances of my doing a pregnancy test in a few weeks is slim, but I promised my friend Becky that if on the day she goes into labor and I still don't know anything, that I would do a test. I guess we will have to wait and see. :) I am really thinking that quite possibly that I am pregnant right now, but who knows, but I do know that I have to keep my positive attitude up. I really don't EVER want to do this again. Keep the prayers and hormones coming my way!!! I couldn't get through this without my wonderful supportive friends!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Better News...

Today I went to the doctor again and heard better news. The eggs or follicles that I had on Monday had grown like they should of and were much bigger. As of right now I have two large eggs and a medium sized egg. They are big enough that we are good to go with IUI on Friday which won't effect our weekend plans to Tan-Tar-A for the wedding. THANK GOD! My doctor did want me to do another Follistem shot of hormones though to make the eggs even bigger and more viable. Of course, I hated the idea of another needle this week as I swear I have been poked 5 times since Monday and I still have 2 more to go, but then again if it will make the eggs bigger and easier to fertilize, I am all for it. Luckily my friend Carie was nice enough to give me the injection today as Becky was gone. Now tomorrow night we do another injection, but this time it is the Ovidrel which will cause me to ovulate on Friday into Saturday which is perfect and sets up IUI. I am actually getting excited again and hoping that it is all going to work out, but I know in my heart it is. The people that work at my doctor's office really want this to work for us again and are doing everything to set up the same conditions as last time, but with better end results. Now I just get to wait until Friday for the horrible IUI, but if this is the last time I ever have to do it, I can handle it. Start the positive thoughts and prayers coming!!!! I will be pregnant by Saturday, I just know it!

Monday, June 15, 2009

Frustrated

The only word I know to describe the way I feel right now is frustrated. I think that I might of had my expectations up to high this morning and expected to see and hear more, but that wasn't the case. Right now I have nothing on my right ovary and they say it is dormant this month for some reason. My left one though has 3 eggs, but they aren't big enough just yet and need more time. Last time when I did the shots, my eggs were bigger at this time and I guess that is what frustrates me. I also had eggs on both ovaries which made me really happy. I am just hoping that everything is good to go at this point and more anxious than ever. She asked me how I was feeling and I told her that it feels as if I am not going through this right now. After thinking about that some more, I have decided that might be a good thing as I can't dwell on it, but I do need to be positive. My dr ordered another fertility shot for today to help the eggs increase in size. I go back on Wednesday morning for another ultrasound and bloodwork. The only positive is that my bloodwork came back through the roof which indicates my body is very hormonal which may explain my sudden cravings for chocolate. They are almost 40 points higher than the last time we did this. I am going to try to think about that instead of the size of the eggs. I guess there is more info to come on Wednesday and hopefully IUI on Friday since we go out of town. I hope that God is on my side this month. I CAN DO THIS!

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Relaxing

Today was the day for me to do nothing, but relax and get ready for the upcoming week. Tomorrow I go to the doctor first thing in the morning to have my eggs measured. I am so nervous. I feel like I did the very first time when they were looking at my eggs. I will never forget how excited I was to see the eggs for the first time. I made my nurse print pictures to show Chris. :) I am not sure why I am so nervous, but I am just hoping that there is something going on in there. I feel like there is something with the pain that I am having which indicates a dominate follicle or egg, but I never know any more. Then on the flip side, I hope that there aren't too many eggs. My mind is one big jumbled mess right now. There are so many possible scenarios for tomorrow. I guess I am just anxious to see something and know that my body is really back on track after everything I have been through. I am sure that if there is something that they will say do another hormone shot tonight and come back on Wednesday to see if the eggs have grown. This is what always seems to happen to me, but I would rather have the eggs be almost mature before IUI than to small. I guess I have just under 12 hours until I will know for sure. I wish that I could fast forward to tomorrow morning and get this over with. I just have to keep telling myself, I CAN DO THIS AND I WILL BE PREGNANT! :)

Sunday, June 7, 2009

WOW TO NIGHTMARE

I don't think I could of been any happier about being pregnancy. The glow that everyone talks about that people get when they are pregnant, I had it. :) On that Monday, I had to go have blood drawn to check my levels. My progesterone came back high and my HCG was at a 70. I went back on Wednesday to have them checked again as the HCG was supposed to double or increase by 1/2 and it came back at a 111. On Friday when I went my level had gone up to a 171 and the doctors were concerned that something was wrong with the baby. My heart dropped and I was terrified.

Chris and I told my parents the news on that Saturday and it was a happy, but sad time. I will never forget the look on my mom's face when I told her, but of course we had to tell them that there was probably something wrong with the baby, but we were all hopeful still. On Monday I had more blood work done to check my levels. It was the longest day waiting to hear what my numbers had gone up to. When the call came in, it was only a 224. Instantly my heart broke as I knew I was going to lose this baby.

On Thursday Chris and I went to the doctor to do an ultrasound to see the baby and see what is going on. I will never forget how scared I was and how hard I was squeezing Chris's hand. The look on the ultrasound wasn't good. We could see something in the uterus, but it wasn't as big as it should be for the numbers I had. My doctor then thought that maybe it was ectopic. At this point, my doctor wasn't sure what to do as if you aren't careful in how you handle the situation, I could get hurt and die. That was a nice thought wasn't it. All I remember Dr. Brabec saying is that this is common and that 1 out of 4 women miscarry and the chances of this happening again are slim. My Dr then decided that we would see if this baby would miscarry on its own over the weekend and I would come back on Monday. If it didn't, we would be looking into terminating the pregnancy by injections into my hip bones or surgery. When I left there with Chris on that day, my heart was broken and I didn't know what to think or do. Why is it that everything that happens to us, has to be out of the norm and more complicated. I was just sick at my stomach and wasn't sure how I was going to get through this nightmare. Here I wanted nothing more to be pregnant and now that I am, I wanted this whole thing over.

On Monday, I went back out there and did more blood work and another ultrasound. Once again my numbers kept going up, but they were NO where near where they needed to be. The sac in my uterus looked about the same. It was then decided that I would come back after lunch to have injections into my hipbones that would cause the baby to miscarry on its own and I wouldn't have to have surgery. When Chris and I went back, it was one of the most horrible things in the world. You are already upset as I felt like I was killing my baby that I wanted more than anything and it was more needles which I already have a fear of. Feeling that cold liquid enter into my system was one of the weirdest feelings I have ever had. I was told that this drug would shot off the hormones to the baby and cause it to miscarry on it's own as my hormone levels dropped. It could be weeks to a month for this to happen and I would have to have more blood work done every week to check my levels to make sure that they were dropping. I do know one thing that was dropping at this point and that was my heart, my weight, and my energy. I felt so alone and scared and felt like I had no where to turn even though I knew I had my friends and family supporting me through this horrible ordeal. When will this nightmare be over.

WHO AM I AND WHAT HAVE I BEEN THROUGH?

My name is Becky and I am teacher in Missouri and have been for 10 years. In those years I have met and taught some of the most amazing students in the world. I love being a kindergarten teacher and couldn't imagine doing anything different. In this time, I met and married the man of my dreams, Chris. I had known him since he was 9 years old when he played little league football with my brother.

Chris and I have done very well for ourselves and mapped out our future to a T. We wanted to wait to start a family until we thought we were financially secure and I had completed my master's plus 40. Once I completed all of this, we started working on adding to our little family. That was over three years ago and we are still without child. There is so much more to this story, but to make a long story short last August after trying Clomid and various other things, we moved onto a fertility specialist.

We are seeing Dr. Brabec at Reproductive Resource Center. She is amazing is all I have to say. From day 1, we developed a plan to make our dreams come true. Each month it was taking fertility drugs, doctor's appts, blood drawn, measuring eggs growth, and followed by IUI. If you don't know what IUI is, it is where they take a catheter in through your cervix and inseminate you with your spouses sperm. It isn't the most pleasant experience, but I will do just about anything to become a mom. We did this in Sept, Oct, and Nov. and it never worked. Things became so hard on my husband and I, that we decided it was easier to not discuss what we were going through with family as we felt like we were letting them down each month as well as ourselves. We had to take some time off in December and January as I had a cyst that was caused by all the fertility drugs. I was put on birth control to stop the hormones to the cyst and to make it go away. In early Feb it was gone.

We were now ready to take the next step with IUI in increasing the fertility drugs to an injectable drug. I would like to add here, that I am terrified of needles. Luckily I have the greatest school nurse in the world that gave me my injections into my stomach every other day. It wasn't horrible, but I was convinced that this was our month and I kept telling myself that. When I went in to measure the eggs, I was blown away at how big they were. I had three large eggs and one was measuring almost a 24. I knew that this was fate and that before long we were going to have good news to share. I did IUI on a Saturday and was supposed to wait two weeks to do a pregnancy test. I was told to do a pregnancy test every month 2 weeks following IUI, but I was never one that wanted to do a test as there is something about seeing the words NOT PREGNANT on those at home pregnancy tests. I could usually tell that my period was coming and knew in my heart that I wasn't pregnant. On that Saturday I could do a test, I wouldn't. It was the start of my spring break and I didn't want to start it off with bad news, but I didn't feel like I was going to start. On that Sunday, March 8th, I got up and did a test. It came back instantly PREGNANT! I was so excited! I came running out of the bathroom and could hardly wait to tell my husband! We both cried and knew that our dreams were coming true! We agreed to not tell anyone until I was further along and we knew the baby was alright, but I had to tell someone and called my friend Becky as I had to tell someone!