Monday, November 29, 2010

Finally Good News!!!!!!

Finally some good news that makes me want to jump for joy.  I am not even sure where to start as I have had nothing, but good news these past few days.  Nothing like a little bit of hope during the holidays to help Chris and I get through.  I have a set of triplets in my class this year that I look at each day as a miracle.  I know what their parents went through to have them and really and truly they are a gift from God.  I finally had a chance to talk to the mom and she gave me some information that I have looked into that sounds promising.  She went to all of the doctors here in KC, but either had no luck or miscarried.  She then went to a doctor in St. Louis and had success.  This doctor is one of the tops in the nation and comes very highly recommended.  On top of that he and other doctors have developed a new procedure called Micro IVF.  This procedure sounds very similar to IVF and is a 1/3 of the cost.  Chris and I talked as we are going to give it a go.  We have a consult set up for next month to meet with this doctor.  The hope that this doctor gives me is incredible.  It has had me on cloud nine since last Tuesday when we made the decision to go forward.  I know that we have lots of time until this would happen, but it will make the time pass and the heartache easier.

The last piece of good news I got is from my acupuncturist.  I have been going to her since August and today what she said really made my day.  When I got there she asked how I was and I told her that I had a mystery illness on Saturday with no real symptoms.  She then listened to my pulse and said she was putting needles in different places and would tell me about it after she listened to my pulse after the needles were out.  I laid there for what seemed forever and she came in.  She listened to my pulse again and just smiled.  She said based on my pulse, how strong it is, and how it has changed since last week, something has happened.  She doesn't want to get my hopes up, but said I could be pregnant or it is a sign that my body had a strong ovulation for the first time.  The idea that this really could be happening was enough to put a smile on my face.  She said all of that plus the fact that I felt ovulation this month, that my immune system is weak, body aches, and my new pulse leads her to believe that maybe just maybe I could dare say I can't say it, but you get the picture.  She told me to take it easy, stay warm, and get rest.  I guess we will see next Monday what my pulse says and if I start.  I am on pins and needles, but at the same time can I dare let my heart get happy when I know that I have been let down so many times before.  I guess time will tell.  Prayers are needed right now and believe me we will be praying extra hard for a miracle or just a good change with my body.  This is going to be a long next week to say the least!

Friday, November 12, 2010

Memories and Remembering Good Bye

Luckily today a wise friend told me that the way I am feeling right now is normal.  This Monday would have marked the one year birthday of our baby.  Will I ever forget that date?  I don't think I will.  I will never forget finding out I was pregnant and hearing the due date.  I thought what an incredible birthday gift for my mom.  I remember thinking no more holidays of just Chris and I, but we would actually be a family.  It was the greatest feeling, but then almost 10 weeks later, our hopes and dreams came tumbling down.  Since that time, we have been told nothing more than bad news.  I really thought that I would be a mom by now and prove everyone wrong, but no.  I think that is why the birthday of this baby really hits me.  I know that some people think I am crazy to feel this way and that I need to move on, but the women who have been in my shoes tell me it is normal to feel this way and it is still to new.  I remember how hard this day was last year, but with the help of my friends and my husband, we got through it.  I just need to get through Monday which will consist of working with my kids, my colleagues, and then acupuncture.  I was hoping for a night out with the girls too, but that isn't going to happen.  I just need to be strong, but let my emotions out.  May God give Chris and I the strength to endure this day, but also help heal our hearts from the heartache that we have.