Happy Birthday To Me!

In just an hour, I am going to be 34 years old.  I can't believe that I am going to be that old.  I think my age has really been on my mind as I am finally pregnant and going to be a mom in just 6 months.  Thinking ahead I hope that I will live long enough to be a grandma and my child doesn't have to endure what Chris and I have on the infertility path.  I know that is a long ways down the road, but I am really feeling old with this birthday.  Then tonight at dinner at the Outback having one of my former students as our waitress who was in my student teaching kindergarten class who is now 19, just made me gag.  I honestly can't believe how much I have done and accomplished in my professional career and my life as a wife.  I am now in my 13th year of teaching and we just celebrated our 8th year of marriage.  When you look at all of that, it makes me smile and proud of myself.  In just 6 months I am going to add another big accomplishment to my life that being becoming a mom and a parent.  I can't wait.  I know that this is going to be the best year of my life in so many ways.  Next year at this time I will be 35 and I can't wait to see how I am feeling and thinking.  Happy 34th Birthday To Me!

Memories and Remembering Good Bye

Luckily today a wise friend told me that the way I am feeling right now is normal.  This Monday would have marked the one year birthday of our baby.  Will I ever forget that date?  I don't think I will.  I will never forget finding out I was pregnant and hearing the due date.  I thought what an incredible birthday gift for my mom.  I remember thinking no more holidays of just Chris and I, but we would actually be a family.  It was the greatest feeling, but then almost 10 weeks later, our hopes and dreams came tumbling down.  Since that time, we have been told nothing more than bad news.  I really thought that I would be a mom by now and prove everyone wrong, but no.  I think that is why the birthday of this baby really hits me.  I know that some people think I am crazy to feel this way and that I need to move on, but the women who have been in my shoes tell me it is normal to feel this way and it is still to new.  I remember how hard this day was last year, but with the help of my friends and my husband, we got through it.  I just need to get through Monday which will consist of working with my kids, my colleagues, and then acupuncture.  I was hoping for a night out with the girls too, but that isn't going to happen.  I just need to be strong, but let my emotions out.  May God give Chris and I the strength to endure this day, but also help heal our hearts from the heartache that we have.

New Leaf

I haven't written in a month and I actually have new news to report.  About 4 weeks ago I went for my first round of acupuncture.  I still can't believe I did it.  I was so scared to say the least, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  Just a few of the needles hurt and the idea that this could solve my problems made it all worth it.  The lady I see made me some huge promises in that she says I will probably be pregnant in 2 to 3 months.  I go for my 4th round on Monday and I can honestly tell that it is working.  She said that my uterus can go from being titled to normal.  I have to say that I think she is right.  I am so hopeful.  Trying this has given me that boost of energy that I need and a new hope. 

Today is my birthday and I feel great.  I can't believe that I am 33 today.  It just doesn't seem possible.  When I think back to over 5 years ago and realizing that we were ready to start a family, I never dreamed I would be in the boat I am.  I wanted to be a mom by the time I was 30 and now I am 33.  I know it is just a number, but I feel like a tickimg timebomb.  On the flip side, I finally think that God is thinking it is our time.  Maybe it is the fact that I am more grounded from the acupuncture, but I really feel positive about it all.  This is me saying, I think it is time.  I guess time will see.  Happy Birthday to Me and may this be the year of miracles and wishes coming true.