Showing posts with label Pregnant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pregnant. Show all posts

Thursday, November 24, 2011

So Thankful

Today I am filled with such emotion as I think back to last year at this time when Chris and I were trying to figure out what we should do to become parents.  Should we just settle with being aunts and uncles the rest of our lives or pursue our dreams of becoming parents.  Just that week we were presented with information from the mother of the triplets in my classroom about an opportunity for us to do IVF in St. Louis with another doctor and we were honestly considering and wondering if this is what God wanted us to do.  After much consideration and meeting with the doctor over the phone just a few weeks after that, we decided that God led us on this path and we had to try it.  Now a year later we are sitting with a different outlook on life as I am almost 27 weeks pregnant with our little miracle and entering my third trimester on Monday.  It hasn't been an easy year with all of the drama we have had with the drugs, the process, and even losing one of our little miracles.  I truly believe that everything happens for a reason in life and all of this happened for a reason.  There are a variety of other women that did IVF at the same time as us that ended up with twins and they are all on bedrest either at home or in the hospital.  I really and truly believe that losing one of the twins as hard as it was, was probably the best thing in the world as I honestly don't think I could have carried both of them to term.  Today as I sit back and think about all of this, I feel so blessed and thankful to say the least.  Not only am I thankful for our little miracle, but I know that we would have never got through any of this without the love and support of our friends and family.  I often wonder why God allowed our IVF to be successful when I have so many friends that didn't have success.  I feel horrible for them, but keep telling myself that God has a plan for them too.  It took us a long time for our chance at parenthood and when I think back about it, I am blown away at everything I have gone through.  Who would have thought I could have done that!  Who would have thought WE could have done that!  We are one couple that have had more highs then lows in our 8 1/2 years of marriage, but I know that we wouldn't be the people that we are now without those trials and tribulations.  Today I am just thankful for everything and everyone.  We are so ready to see our miracle in a few months and hold her.  It will be such an emotional moment as then it will finally hit me that I really was pregnant.  Today as I was sitting on the couch with my family, Gabbie was kicking me so hard that I could actually see my stomach move.  What a beautiful sight and feeling.  Like I said feeling blessed to say the least.  Thank you to each and everyone of you that have supported us on this journey.  Happy Thanksgiving~

This was us about 4 weeks ago.  We love our little miracle and one another!  So blessed!

Thursday, November 3, 2011

WAY TO MUCH

So I just realized that I am a slacker and haven't posted anything for way to many weeks.  Things are ok, but crazy right now and some unexplained issues.  We will be 24 weeks on Monday and I promise to put a nice update on the baby and pictures next week as I have my 4d ultrasound.  I do have to say I am excited about this, but I have seen other peoples pics and they are kind of creepy.

Right now life just feels like a fog.  I was really starting to feel good finally and even was able to sleep.  Then on top of that I finally felt movement.  :)  It was the greatest feeling in the world and a moment I won't ever forget.  Chris and I had gone to bed on that Sunday night right before I was 22 weeks and we were talking in bed.  As we were talking and laughing I felt this weird pain right below my belly button.  I stopped and immediately was like what is that.  Then it happened again.  I told Chris I think your daughter just kicked me.  He put his hand on my belly and she did it again to the point he even felt it.  We both were in shock and honestly I am not sure who was more in shock.  Of course my waterworks turned on as I was more than happy and in shock.  I called my mom and told her the news.  What an amazing, weird, and creepy feeling all at the same time.  I just laid there that night feeling her move and kick me.  I didn't feel her after that for a few days which really bothered me.  I have found that I only feel her when I am laying down or sititng in a slumped position.  I love feeling her move and kick me.  Things are definitely becoming more real.  I know that it really started to hit me as I actually started my long term lesson plans for a substitute this winter.  So excited! 

I am growing too, but everyone says I am small for where I should be.  Besides that fact I have still yet to gain a lb, but the dr says that is fine as my belly is growing and is measuring ahead of schedule.  I am still carrying Gabbie extremely low.  I know that the doctor has mentioned a few concerns about this and my placenta.  Then on top of this I have been having some weird pain that we can't seem to figure out.  We did decide last week that it might be my bowels and my IBS issues.  She said if that is the case it will be hard later on to tell the difference between that and contractions.  At least I know what they will kind of feel like hearing that.  Then my doctor brought up the glucose test and how with diabetes in my family, I really need to be careful that day so we don't get a false positive.  I go for that test on the 17th.  I am not too excited, but ready to know.

I am having some pain this week and not sure what is going on.  It is actually a bit scary as I even had some minor bleeding.  I constantly have the pain in my hipbones and pelvis, but this pain is like a sharp pain across my abdomen.  It has been brought up that I am feeling contractions, but who knows.  I know at my 20 week ultrasound weeks ago that we could see my body was having contractions, but I just couldn't feel them.  I am just hoping that Miss Gabbie stays put for a lot longer as it isn't time for us to meet her yet.  I am just trying to take things easy and stay off of my feet the best I can which isn't easy being a kindergarten teacher that is for sure.  Any how, we are trying not to think about an early delivery, but it is hard not too.  I can't wait to have Gabbie, but not yet.  I just have to stay calm and relaxed.  Thank God I can feel her move now and have the Doppler to listen to her.  :)

I promise next week another update.  Thanks for the continued love and support.  We need prayers as always to keep little one growing and for her to stay put. 

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Almost 17 Weeks

On Monday I am 17 weeks! WOW!  Still it doesn't seem real at all.  I am doing pretty good overall other than I am just on edge as I thought we were finding out the sex this next week and the doctor changed her mind and now we have to wait until October 11th.  Part of this reason is that they want to check my cervix.  I am more than disappointed as I just want to know already.  I have another appt on the 29th and I am going to try to push the appt up.  I am not giving up.  :)  Persistence will pay off, right?

Something for all of you mommies or soon to be mommies....the doctor keeps asking me about chromosomal testing and Down's testing.  How many of you actually did these tests?  My thought is, I don't want to know as I don't want to have more stress and worry than I already do.  Besides, there isn't much they can do if there is an issue just more ultrasounds and monitoring.  I think we made the decision we aren't doing it.  God wanted us to have this baby and we will, no matter what!
17 Week Update

Baby is the size of: an onion...I have a feeling the baby is bigger as I already feel huge.  If you haven't seen my bump, oh my.  :)  I need to take a picture of myself, but I just feel weird doing that.  
Symptoms: Still have the acne going on and feel like a teenager again.  Sleeping isn't my friend still.  Food aversions aren't as bad as they were last week.  I have eaten a few things that have definitely not agreed with the baby or me though.
Weight gain: From my appt last week from the alcohol scare to my appt this week, I put on a lb of weight that I lost.  Who knows?
Maternity clothes:  Big frustration in my life.  I hate that shirts do not cover that lovely panel on my jeans.  I feel so self conscience about it.  I need to buy some warmer clothes too as it seems like the weather is going to skip fall and go straight to winter.
Sleep: Lucky if I sleep about 3 hours straight a night if that.  I asked the doctor and she said I can take something, but I don't want to do that unless I have to.  I know by the end of the school week, I am worn out and I can't wait for the 4:00 bell. 
Movement: I would say I have some flutters or tapping, but not like I thought I would.  I am sure this baby is a mover and shaker though as today we got out the doppler just to hear the heartbeat and he/she was moving all over the place as the heartbeat kept moving.  I told Chris and the baby he or she had better do the same kind of movement when we go to find out the gender.
Cravings: Non existent.  It is crazy that I don't, but I really don't.  I do know that smells of foods make me not want to eat something sometimes though.  For example my lunchable the other day...it went in the trash.
Strangest moment: Going to the city Fall Fun Fest and having everyone just rub my belly.  I have never touched a belly until now with mine.  It is really shocking at how hard my stomach is.  I never would dream it would feel like this.  I thought it would feel mushy.  LOL...
Gender: October 11th can't get here fast enough.  My patience on this one is gone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  This momma wants to shop!
What I look forward to: Finding out the sex of course and feeling the baby kick!
Milestones: Not sure one this one...the doctors still think I am crazy so that hasn't changed.  She thinks it is funny I don't believe this is real.  That is probably why she sees me every 2 weeks.  :)

Thursday, August 18, 2011

12 Week Ultrasound

Today was the 12 week appointment and ultrasound.  I am being seen every 2 weeks right now to monitor the one baby that is going strong and the one we are losing.  Today we were told it is a diminishing twin as it is a matter of time.  There wasn't much left in the sac, but the sac was still there and actually rather large.  It is hard to say the least, but I would rather it just diminish all together to stop causing a threat to the other baby.  My doctor said she thinks it will be fine, but I still worry.  I have another appointment in two weeks.  Here is the picture of today's ultrasound.  I love this baby so much already!  I think I am going to get out the pregnancy journal tonight for the first time.  :)


Monday, August 15, 2011

2nd Trimester!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WOO HOO!  We are in the 2nd Trimester!  I seriously feel like screaming and jumping up and down with joy.  I still can't believe it.  I just keep thinking of someone saying we will never be parents, but now I can just smile as I really believe in February we will be.  I know we aren't out of the woods by no means, but getting closer.  On Thursday I go back to the doctor for another check up and to see what is going on with the babies.  I do have to say I am nervous, but luckily the start of school and that stress is overtaking it most of the time.  Now on Thursday Kindergarten will be the last thing on my mind and the baby(s) will be first and foremost.  Now to fast forward to Thursday.  Until then just going to enjoy this huge accomplishment!  We are one happy family right now.  I forgot to mention my bump is really starting to pop now.  :)

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Pics of 10 Week Ultrasound

I had to post the pics from yesterdays ultrasound even though it didn't go the way we wanted.  My sister in law swears we are having a girl already as she says she sees three lines.  I think she is nuts, but she does have two girls and knows what she is talking about. 
She swears that the white black white lines close to the cursor shows it is a girl.  Who knows? 

This was a great picture of the babies heart.  I love the sound of our babies heartbeat.  I am soon going to be buying a doppler.  :)
Love our little Gomez or Gertie!

Monday, August 1, 2011

DOUBLE DIGITS, 10 WEEKS!

It is the little things that make me happy with this pregnancy and really keep me going and the fact that I am 10 weeks and two weeks away from the 2nd trimester makes me teary eyed!  I have a doctor's appointment and ultrasound this week.  I am so ready to see the babies again and make sure that everything is OK with the 2nd baby.  I don't think that Wednesday can get here fast enough.  :)

I am feeling blah which is to be expected.  Some days are definitely easier than others.  This past weekend was more than rough, but that probably has to do with the fact that I am packing my classroom again and overdid it on Friday.  Yes, right after getting my room unpacked for 2nd grade, I found out I am going to another school to teach kindergarten.  I am so happy, but not excited about the packing and unpacking which sucks when you can't lift anything.  Going back today to finish packing and hopefully won't pay for it.  Any how, I am starting to notice a little bump forming.  I am having issues with some of the foods that Chris fixes and the smells.  Still no puking but constant nausea.  If I had the money and time I would go for acupuncture to help with this, but I will deal with it.  I am hoping that this feeling will be over in a few weeks. 

I can't focus to write much more, but I will write more and post pictures on Wednesday after my appointment.  Keep the prayers coming for our miracles.  Can't wait to see them as I love them so much already!!

Friday, July 22, 2011

BABIES ARE GROWING!

Went for another ultrasound this morning and boy was I nervous, but I was willing to accept whatever I saw. Thankfully my mom got to go with me as Chris had a conference call he had to be a part of. We tried to do an external ultrasound, but it was hard to see still, but immediately we could see that the babies had grown and I do mean babies! Immediately I had tears running down my face as my miracles were progressing, both of them. Once we started the internal ultrasound, my mom saw the flicker in Baby A which is the baby we are worried about. Then you could see that things were starting to really progress with that baby and he/she was growing! Here is a picture...it doesn't do the baby justice, but you can see the growth.
It is faint, but you can start to see the development of the baby. :) It was hard to get a heartbeat reading, but it was around 100 which is good. Then we really got to look at the other baby and that was amazing. Baby B has body parts! We could actually see his/her feet. It was beautiful and more than emotional. Baby B's heartbeat was 164. Here is a picture of Baby B.
We are so in love with our babies! I can't wait to see how they continue to grow! I really and truly can say that I believe in February we are going to be parents. Thank you God for watching over our two miracles as I know you and all of our friends and families prayers are responsible for this growth! Grow babies grow!

Monday, July 18, 2011

8 Weeks!

We have hit another milestone... 8 weeks along in my pregnancy and only 4 more to go to be done with my first trimester! I really and truly think that once I hit that magic number I will really be able to relax and enjoy my pregnancy, I hope. Then on top of that I only have one more Progesterone in Oil injection tomorrow night! I am so happy about that, that I could scream! My doctor is still keeping me on the oral progesterone until I am done with the first trimester, but no more injections. I have been getting poked now for almost 3 months up to three times a day and the idea of being done being bruised, is incredible! I am hoping that my butt will stop being sore soon.
So, how are we holding up, we are doing better than people would think. We are not giving up on our little miracle yet. We know what the doctors have told us, but I am just hoping that my little peanut is just behind and hasn't stopped growing. On the flip side, we do have one baby that is growing the correct way and looks great. We just need to keep being positive and let God handle this. I am not going to be ok if God takes another one of our babies though. Still holding hope and praying. Not sure when I have another ultrasound to see the babies again and make sure things are ok. I have another appointment on the 3rd and I am thinking that day we will find out. I am just asking for strength to get to that point. Grow babies grow and asking for patience!

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Heartbroken

Today has been one of those days that I would like to forget about.  Today was my first appointment with my OB as I have been released from my RE in St. Louis pretty much.  I was already nervous to begin with about my appointment, but I had no idea what was going to happen today.  The first part was meeting with the doctor and going over my past, what is happening right now, and what will happen.  I wasn't that impressed with my doctor and was really sent over the edge, when she got a page that she needed to deliver a baby immediately.  She asked if I could come back in an hour to finish up.  Luckily my mom was with me or I would have been like no as I wasn't happy with this lady as she wasn't friendly and had no bedside manner.  We did leave and ran some errands before coming back.  I couldn't believe the difference in my doctor.  She was nice, had a personality, joking with me, and was nice.  It was shocking.  She did a few tests and said my uterus was measuring at 9 weeks.  I then told her how all of this makes me so nervous with what I have been though and how I just worry about my twins.  She said lets go down the hall and I will try to do an external ultrasound.  Boy were we shocked to see what we did...we went from having twins to triplets as she saw three gestational sacs.  I was shaking and crying so hard and my mom's face was just about the same.  We were then sent over to the hospital for an internal ultrasound immediately to confirm what she saw.  I am not sure how we even got there to be honest as I was still in shock.  I called Chris and he didn't even believe me when I told him.  Could we really be having triplets?  I got there and went back for the ultrasound and immediately we just saw two sacs, THANK GOD!  Then the ultrasound tech started looking at the sacs at the babies.  One of the babies is measuring at 6 weeks and 5 days which is just a few days behind with a heartbeat of 136.  The other baby was not as visible and only measuring at 5 weeks and 6 days and couldn't find the heartbeat.  I was immediately heartbroken and starting to lose it.  We can see the gestational pole and the yolk sac, but that was about it.  Here we went from thinking we were having triplets to maybe just one baby.  I know that this baby might just be a bit behind, but I am already thinking the worse.  I am asking for prayers and positive thoughts for our little ones as I don't want to give up just yet.  I am sure I will be having yet another ultrasound in the next few weeks.  Please God let both of my babies survive...I am not sure we can endure this heartache at all.  (Sigh)

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Picture of Our Twins

Here is a picture of our twins at 6 weeks 3 days.  I love this picture and I love our twins!

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

TWINS!!!!

I still can't believe what I saw today! We had my first ultrasound and what do you know we are having TWINS!!! I am so in shock. Here I was thinking one and Chris was like no there are two and then to see those two perfect sacks!! Chris's face was priceless and one I won't forget ever as he wanted two, but he even looked shocked. I on the other hand, started shaking and crying. Dr. Ahlering then zoomed the camera in on each sack and we saw the baby and the flicker of the heartbeat. It was beautiful to say he least. He spent so much time with us and really looked at each baby and was so pleased with how they looked. I am sure he could tell by my reaction and shaking body that I wasn't taking all of this in. I told him that I am really pregnant aren't I and he just laughed. I love my doctor!! Now we jut have to find a doctor at home as this was my last appt unless I can't find someone that can see me in 10 days for another ultrasound. Wow...still in shock and I will write more tomorrow as we are at the hotel boy in shell shock. God is amazing and I totally thank him for all of his!!

Monday, July 4, 2011

6 WEEKS!

Today makes me officially 6 weeks pregnant!  Unreal!  I know this probably doesn't seem much when you think that I have 34 weeks to go, but this is huge to me!  I still don't think it has hit me yet and it probably will on Wednesday at the ultrasound when I see with my own eyes that things are really progressing.  I am so nervous, but confident, I think.  I have been that way through this whole process and the reality that it might have actually worked doesn't seem possible.  I know that Chris is probably feeling the same way even though he doesn't say anything.  My mom on the otherhand is very skeptical about the whole thing as she doesn't want to get her hopes up or mine either.  I can't believe that in two days I have an ultrasound to see a baby or babies~  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!  I honestly feel like screaming to say the least.  I do have to say if there is something wrong, I don't think I can ever do this again.  I know I can't be negative and have to keep looking at my glass as more than half full.  :)  Everything has to be fine as I have all kinds of symptoms that are normal pregnancy symptoms that is for sure.  I even got a new symptom the other day that scared me as I thought I was losing my lining, but once I pulled out my book to see it was normal and had a name, I was more then relieved.  The best part about everything right now is I have now hit the single digits on the number of Progesterone in Oil injections!  WOO HOO!  I hate these injections and I am ready to be done with all of the progesterone and my sore butt that is for sure.  I am going to end this with telling you that tonight as Chris and I lay in bed like every night with my hand on my belly just like every night, we will be praying to God for our little Gertie and Gomez  We put this in his hands a long time ago and truly believe he lead us on the path to this doctor.  Please pray for our little miracle that everything is ok and we are going to get to see our baby(s) again.  I can't wait!  GIDDY!

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Chills!!!!!!

I have never posted twice in a day but I want to remember this moment forever as it is the first time I heard Chris say something about the positive pregnancy test. Don't get me wrong he smiles and he is thrilled and has dreams but this was so touching.  One of his buddies sent him a text and I said I saw on Facebook that he is going to be a dad in which he looks at me and smiles and says so am I. Then he rubbed my belly and rolled back over to go to sleep.  I now have tears running down my cheek.  This is more than real!!  We are going to be parents!! Amazing!!! Thank you God!

Monkey Off My Back

Went for my beta and I can now say that I am pregnant as my numbers are increasing as they should.  When I read the email and saw my number and how close it was to 1000, I started crying and shaking.  I can honestly say that the monkey is off my back!  I am so ready to see the ultrasound next week and see if there is one or two.  I am now going to take a nap and relax.  I am one happy girl or little momma as my friends are calling me!

Monday, June 27, 2011

Pregnant...With Bad Memories

I don't think the fact that I am pregnant has really and truly hit me just yet.  Yes, I feel pregnant and I really and truly believe that everything is happening the way it should be, but there are memories playing in the back of my head that are making me feel insecure.  The last time I was pregnant, I was so happy.  I remember going in for beta 1 and hearing the confirmation that I was pregnant.  Then came beta 2 and I heard that my number doubled and things were looking more than great.  Then came beta 3 and 4 where I heard that the hormone level was slowing down and not doubling which lead to my horrific miscarriage.  I know with that pregnancy I have no idea on what quality of embryo I had and how fertilization took place.  This time though I know that we put in 100% grade A embryos that couldn't have been better.  Why is it that I can't put those memories out of my head!  I know that that this time my beta hormone test showed that things tripled which is more than good, but in the back of my head I want another beta test just to show that things are really good.  I think I am so scared that I am going to lose this baby or babies.  I talked to one of my amazing nurses today and they scheduled me another beta test for tomorrow just to give me peace of mind.  I know in my head that things are fine, but the memories in my heart are killing me.  I want this so bad and I really and truly believe it is meant to be, but I just can't focus.  Who knows if I will go for the beta test tomorrow or not.  I know that I have another week until my ultrasound to see firsthand what is developing and to have some sort of peace of mind will help.  Tonight I will talk to my husband and pray in hopes that I will decide what to do.  I know that we will still have tons of people praying for us too.  I just wish for once that something on my path to motherhood would be easy. 

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

PREGNANT!

I can't believe that I actually get to say out loud that I am pregnant.  Let me say that again as it felt so good.  I AM PREGNANT!  I went for beta 1 on Monday which was torture as I knew I wouldn't know the results until Wednesday, but after emailing my nurse a few times about some issues I was having, I started wondering when she got my results the next morning as she didn't have them run stat if she would tell me.  Sure enough on Tuesday morning right after Chris left for work at around 7:30 my home phone rang and I almost didn't answer.  I did and I hear my nurse on the other end say, "Oh my gosh did I wake you up Becky."  I said, "Kind of."  She then said, "You won't care with the news I have."  At this point I started just sobbing as I knew that all of my weird symptoms was that I was pregnant.  I don't remember much of the phone call as I was crying and shaking.  She did tell me that the way they know is that they look for a 2 or higher on the beta test to show that someone is pregnant and I was at a 28 already!  WOW!  I talked to my friend, Stef, who did IVF with Dr. Ahlering and her number on this 8th day after the transfer was a 50 and she had triplets.  I am starting to wonder if I have twins, but I am so comfortable with that.  :)  Any how, I had to call Chris and tell him the news which he couldn't even understand me I was crying and shaking so hard.  I wish he could have come home so I could have given him a big hug, but he couldn't.  I then made the decision to tell my parents.  I got ready and got there and they were both so excited, but cautious as we have been here before.  Then from there went to get my niece with my mom and told my sister in law who had the most incredible reaction as we weren't supposed to know yet.  I told a few of my closest friends and family members just to get it off of my chest.  :)  Everyone is so happy, but like I said cautious.  Today being Wednesday I went back to Quest for beta test #2 to see if our numbers doubled.  I was so nervous and have been all day until I just got the phone call saying that my number went from a 28 to an 88.  I am one happy girl!  Today we are 4 weeks and 1 day pregnant.  I still feel like this is a dream and someone is going to wake me up from it, but for now we are just being cautious and hopeful.  I go on July 6th for an ultrasound.  Please continue to keep us in your prayers as I truly believe that is what got us to this point and I know we aren't done yet.  For now just going to enjoy this wonderful moment!  I AM PREGNANT!!!

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Optimistically Negative

A friend of mine talked to me today that has done this IVF thing a few times and made me feel MUCH better about everything.  Everything I am feeling is normal according to her which is nice to know.  The constant pressure I have that either my period is coming or I have to pee is normal and I just need to relax as you have this through your whole pregnancy.  The pains and cramps are normal too even though I still am not positive on that one.  That sharp pain that doubled me over yesterday sure didn't feel normal.  My emotions being through the roof and the fights I am having with my husband are more than normal.  :)  Chris and I had a doozy of one last night about all of this as I am so negative and he is so positive that I am pregnant.  Every time I cry or get emotional he is like you are pregnant and I just want to slap him.  I wanted him to realize that this might not have worked and then what will we do.  We finally agreed to disagree until this morning when he left for work and he gave me a hug and told me that he has been thinking.  He said that the good thing is that we know it isn't either one of our faults that we haven't got pregnant as my eggs did develop into two perfect embryo blastocysts and his sperm counts are still through the roof which means it will work for us.  What I wanted to say is yeah the problem is just when you put them back in my body and try to get my body to carry them, but I didn't say that.  So then he said what Dr. Ahlering keeps telling us which is "Good Stuff" when it comes to everything we are doing which in turn means he believes in us too.  (My hubs thinks our doctor looks like Steve Gutenburg, but I disagree.)  Any how, so I said to him so where do we go from here if this didn't work...are we done trying after this?  When do we say enough is enough since we have spent almost 50 grand on everything through the years?  He said we will tackle that when it happens, but we aren't done.  It was nice to hear him say that he isn't going to hold it against me if it doesn't work.  I guess that is my biggest fear right now with my high emotional state that he isn't going to want to be with me if we can't have a child.  I know that he does and we are in this together, but I feel inadequate.  Does anyone else ever feel that way like it is our fault for not making this happen?  So today my emotions are high on this Father's Day as I spent the day with my family and I know that they want this so bad for us, but I am so scared I am going to let them down as I know my mom wants grandchildren from her daughter and my sister in law wants to be an aunt.  They got on to me for being negative too and of course brought on the waterworks.  I just wish people understood this is my way of dealing with this as I have been through so much on this journey and I don't want a broken heart on Wednesday, but if I just prepare myself for the worst and I get the better news it will be even sweeter.  I still don't know what I think, but I have a new way of looking at things these next three days...  Optimistically Negative.  I am still hopeful in my heart and head, but I am still being negative.  Honestly being negative lets me function easier and not think about it 24/7.  Any how, the song Final Countdown just came on and that really and truly describes how I feel...we are counting down.  3 more days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I need lots of patience and prayers right now and I need to keep my emotions in check.  LOL...I can dream, right.

Monday, December 6, 2010

More Waiting.... :)

Last week seemed to last forever, but today was the worst as I just wanted to get to acupuncture.  I never thought I would say that.  When my doctor came into the room, she asked how I was and I told her I am not saying anything until you listen to my pulse.  She just laughed.  She listened and said it was even stronger and led her to believe that I still could be you know what.  I told her about how I had been feeling, but I didn't want to put to much into it as we have been here before.  Any how, it was the most relaxing session I have had.  I took huge deep breaths and just got in the moment.  Afterwards she came in to take all of the needles in, she asked me to do a test, but I said not yet.  I told her to give me another week as I can't see another negative test.  She said ok, but to email her as she was dying to know what happens this week.  I guess the real waiting begins.  I am actually pretty calm as I know that if I do start, I really feel great about things.  However, nothing would make my and Chris's Christmas like finding out we were you know what.  Alright with that...I am ending this.  Aunt Connie, don't bother asking me because I will lie to you.  LOL.  I do love all of the nice thoughts and prayers though.  We are going to get our miracle one way or another.  On another note getting my paperwork together to send to the doctor in St. Louis for our consult.  EXCITING!

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Waiting Game

I know that the minute I sit down to write this that I am going to start, but I would rather start instead of wondering for another week.  Today is day 39 of my cycle and I have yet to start.  Of course in the back of my head am I am wondering if maybe I am pregnant, but then in the front of my head is the reality saying my body is so screwed up that this is nothing and I will start any day.  Then I start wondering how many days will I give it until I do a test, but I know that there is no way I would do one until next weekend for sure.  I am sure tomorrow I will hear it from my acupuncturist about not doing a test.  On that front how much longer am I am going to give my acupuncture treatments?  I just wish that my life could be a hell of a lot easier on this front.  So...I guess let the waiting begin and hopefully let my nerves calm down to get me through this.