PREGNANT!

I can't believe that I actually get to say out loud that I am pregnant.  Let me say that again as it felt so good.  I AM PREGNANT!  I went for beta 1 on Monday which was torture as I knew I wouldn't know the results until Wednesday, but after emailing my nurse a few times about some issues I was having, I started wondering when she got my results the next morning as she didn't have them run stat if she would tell me.  Sure enough on Tuesday morning right after Chris left for work at around 7:30 my home phone rang and I almost didn't answer.  I did and I hear my nurse on the other end say, "Oh my gosh did I wake you up Becky."  I said, "Kind of."  She then said, "You won't care with the news I have."  At this point I started just sobbing as I knew that all of my weird symptoms was that I was pregnant.  I don't remember much of the phone call as I was crying and shaking.  She did tell me that the way they know is that they look for a 2 or higher on the beta test to show that someone is pregnant and I was at a 28 already!  WOW!  I talked to my friend, Stef, who did IVF with Dr. Ahlering and her number on this 8th day after the transfer was a 50 and she had triplets.  I am starting to wonder if I have twins, but I am so comfortable with that.  :)  Any how, I had to call Chris and tell him the news which he couldn't even understand me I was crying and shaking so hard.  I wish he could have come home so I could have given him a big hug, but he couldn't.  I then made the decision to tell my parents.  I got ready and got there and they were both so excited, but cautious as we have been here before.  Then from there went to get my niece with my mom and told my sister in law who had the most incredible reaction as we weren't supposed to know yet.  I told a few of my closest friends and family members just to get it off of my chest.  :)  Everyone is so happy, but like I said cautious.  Today being Wednesday I went back to Quest for beta test #2 to see if our numbers doubled.  I was so nervous and have been all day until I just got the phone call saying that my number went from a 28 to an 88.  I am one happy girl!  Today we are 4 weeks and 1 day pregnant.  I still feel like this is a dream and someone is going to wake me up from it, but for now we are just being cautious and hopeful.  I go on July 6th for an ultrasound.  Please continue to keep us in your prayers as I truly believe that is what got us to this point and I know we aren't done yet.  For now just going to enjoy this wonderful moment!  I AM PREGNANT!!!

Optimistically Negative

A friend of mine talked to me today that has done this IVF thing a few times and made me feel MUCH better about everything.  Everything I am feeling is normal according to her which is nice to know.  The constant pressure I have that either my period is coming or I have to pee is normal and I just need to relax as you have this through your whole pregnancy.  The pains and cramps are normal too even though I still am not positive on that one.  That sharp pain that doubled me over yesterday sure didn't feel normal.  My emotions being through the roof and the fights I am having with my husband are more than normal.  :)  Chris and I had a doozy of one last night about all of this as I am so negative and he is so positive that I am pregnant.  Every time I cry or get emotional he is like you are pregnant and I just want to slap him.  I wanted him to realize that this might not have worked and then what will we do.  We finally agreed to disagree until this morning when he left for work and he gave me a hug and told me that he has been thinking.  He said that the good thing is that we know it isn't either one of our faults that we haven't got pregnant as my eggs did develop into two perfect embryo blastocysts and his sperm counts are still through the roof which means it will work for us.  What I wanted to say is yeah the problem is just when you put them back in my body and try to get my body to carry them, but I didn't say that.  So then he said what Dr. Ahlering keeps telling us which is "Good Stuff" when it comes to everything we are doing which in turn means he believes in us too.  (My hubs thinks our doctor looks like Steve Gutenburg, but I disagree.)  Any how, so I said to him so where do we go from here if this didn't work...are we done trying after this?  When do we say enough is enough since we have spent almost 50 grand on everything through the years?  He said we will tackle that when it happens, but we aren't done.  It was nice to hear him say that he isn't going to hold it against me if it doesn't work.  I guess that is my biggest fear right now with my high emotional state that he isn't going to want to be with me if we can't have a child.  I know that he does and we are in this together, but I feel inadequate.  Does anyone else ever feel that way like it is our fault for not making this happen?  So today my emotions are high on this Father's Day as I spent the day with my family and I know that they want this so bad for us, but I am so scared I am going to let them down as I know my mom wants grandchildren from her daughter and my sister in law wants to be an aunt.  They got on to me for being negative too and of course brought on the waterworks.  I just wish people understood this is my way of dealing with this as I have been through so much on this journey and I don't want a broken heart on Wednesday, but if I just prepare myself for the worst and I get the better news it will be even sweeter.  I still don't know what I think, but I have a new way of looking at things these next three days...  Optimistically Negative.  I am still hopeful in my heart and head, but I am still being negative.  Honestly being negative lets me function easier and not think about it 24/7.  Any how, the song Final Countdown just came on and that really and truly describes how I feel...we are counting down.  3 more days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I need lots of patience and prayers right now and I need to keep my emotions in check.  LOL...I can dream, right.

Breakdown Again

Tonight I just feel so emotional about everything.  I am so ready for next week to get here and get these blood tests over with and know something, but on the flip side am I really ready to hear the news either way.  I am scared out of my mind.  I am normally not an emotional person like this, but I can't get ahold of my emotions tonight.  Like I have said before is it all of the hormones I am on or is something going on.  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!  Today I had some sharp pains and then some tightness.  I am tired of analyzing and just need some answers, but then that takes me back to am I ready to hear the results.  Hopefully I can get through the weekend and accept whatever I hear next week.  Me being the planner I am, I need to figure out what we are going to do if we hear the dreaded words.  Chris gets so angry at me, but that is the realist in me even though I think I am.  If you can't tell I am going nuts.  I am hoping and praying with all of my might for the news we want and that there are two beautiful babies growing in me right now.  I also told God that we put this in his hands along time ago and reminded him of that that we have been patient and feel like he led us on this path and why would he do that if we were only going to be disappointed.  Any how, signing off, but needed to vent.  Night!

Waiting......Waiting.....Need Some Patience

Right now I need to be asking for some patience in my life as this 10 day wait to find out if my embryos took is starting to drive me nuts.  Let me rephrase that, I am nuts now.  It is all I can think about.  Everyone said that this was worse than all of the injections and I was like nah, there is no way, but now I am thinking they were right.  It would help if I had something to do like work to take my mind off of things, but I don't.  Instead I am just sitting on the couch per doctor's orders after my scare the other day.  BORING!  I thought yesterday was never going to end.  I don't understand how I have all of the patience in the world with my kindergarteners, but when it comes to this I am about to rip my hair out.  Then on top of that not being able to sleep is starting to not help.  This morning I was up at 4am with nausea and that was a new one.  I ate some crackers in bed with some gatorade and then dozed back off for a bit and had amazing dreams about our twins.  I really feel like I have to be pregnant as we were led on this path and everything happens for a reason.  I never would have done IVF and went to this new doctor in St. Louis if I wouldn't have become friends with the triplets mom this year and found out about him.  Then the moving to 2nd grade is telling me that the kindergarteners coming in are going to be rough and I don't need that stress at all.  I am trying to look at everything so positive and that just helps me to keep the faith.  Everyone asks me if I have symptoms and of course I do are you not realizing all of the hormones I am pumping into my body.  I had a breakdown last night after Chris went to bed and just lost it.  It is so easy to do.  I am not the crying type, but lately I am.  We have so much invested in this and I am not accepting failure.  I just have to keep telling myself this for 6 more days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  AHHHHHHH I really need some patience right now.  I can do this...RIGHT?!

BAD DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am having a rough day and feel like I am about to snap.  This morning woke up feeling good after having some cramping and thinking these babies are implanting.  Any how, went to acupuncture this morning as I want to do everything I can to make sure this works as I NEVER want to do this again.  Acpuncture was incredible and I seriously felt the energy in my uterus as she put in needles to make me carry the babies and not miscarry.  I felt fantastic during it and so relaxed.  I knew laying there I had to be pregnant.  I left there and went to have lunch with my sister in law and nieces before heading home to my couch, my hubs doesn't know this part.  Lunch was great and I even splurged and had caffeine for the first time in a week.  When we were paying I started having a hot flash and not feeling well.  I was like this isn't fun.  Got in the car to drive home and was burning up.  Made a quick stop and when I was leaving there I was feeling I am going to get sick I am so hot and my vision was starting to mess with me.  Drove to my parents that was right around the block and my mom came to the door to find me crying, not being able to see too much, and bright red.  I laid on her bed and she immediately got me a cold compress and turned on the fan.  This went on a while and then we took my temp which was up to 99 which my normal is 96.  Called my doctor and she was concerned, but said she hasn't heard about people having issues like this.  She told me she thinks I must be dehydrated and told me bedrest the next few days.  She said that she doesn't think it is the hormone meds as I have been on them for a week now.  WHO KNOWS!  She did say that it could be in reaction that something is going on with the babies.  I am so scared ladies.  I am hoping that I didn't harm these babies some how.  Then I asked her about my other embys to find out that they only hit a quality of 55 out of 100 and weren't freezable.  I just wanted to lose it at this point,  Then she brought up that the two we put in were 100's and the top and some of the best she has seen.  I am just freaking out.  Also, did I forget to mention that one of my former students died today too.  It has been a day and I am hoping and praying that everything is ok.  I am now on the couch with a horrible headache still trying to think positively.  So scared....  Please pray for me as right now something is up. 

Our Blastocysts

We are finally home and I wanted to post the two pictures from yesterday of the blastocysts that we transferred in and of them going in.  Science is amazing is all I have to say.  My mom is teasing that they both look like boys and my sister in law says one looks like a happy face.  Feeling pretty good today for the day after transfer with some cramping which I hope is the baby's attaching. 

The Two Babies!!!!

The arrow shows where they went.  It was so cool watching on the screen!

Transfer!!!

Today was the day of our transfer and I was more nervous today than I was the other day as I didn't know what to expect. We put in two healthy 5 day blastocysts!!! They looked great!

The transfer went great and all is good. I am now on bedrest and going to enjoy this time watching funny stupid movies with the husband. We will find out next week with our beta tests if we are pregnant!!! Actually I am right now but I just need to stay that way! It is all in Gods hands and I know we have so many people cheering and rooting for us!!! Life is great!!!

NO WAY!!!!!

You won't believe this!!! We still have 9 healthy embryos and they are growing and dividing like they should. The doctor is more than happy. We are scheduled for a transfer on Sunday at 8:45 and we will talk then about how many to put in.  I really don't know what I will do on Sunday, but I know that God won't give me more than I can handle.  I told my nurse that this is huge as I was told I had bad eggs and would never be a mom.  The whole time I was on the phone I had tears streaming down my cheeks.  I can't believe this is happening.  We are so close!  I also asked about the pain that I am still having and she said we will monitor it but it is probably normal even though I am more swollen then I was on Tuesday.  I don't think the pain will bother me today as I have a permanent smile on my face  My friends are calling me "OctoGemp" which is too funny.  My dad who had surgery this week and is on some serious morphine actually thinks we will transfer all of them.  LOL...I am not that nuts.  Today is a great day and I am going to enjoy this day and get ready for Sunday!  Thanks for all of the prayers and support.  I know that is honestly what is getting us through this!!!

WOO HOO!!!

I was so nervous again today as I didn't want to go for a scan and hear bad news.  When we got to the office, it was full of couples which just made me sad as I knew with it being the weekend, they had to be there for retrieval.  We sat there a while watching couples go back and finally it was our turn.  I got to meet my nurse that I had been in contact with for the past few months finally and she immediately put me at ease.  I asked her a couple of questions and then I knew everything would be fine.  She said that there are 50 couples that are doing IVF my cycle and that isn't including the people that are doing various other procedures where they are thawing embryo's and other things.  She said that they were doing like 13 retrievals today and 18 tomorrow.  I said am I the only one that is behind and she said no.  :)  This made me feel more than at ease and actually put a smile on my face.  Everything is going to be ok.  Then the doctor came in and finally I heard the words today that I wanted to hear...your eggs and follicles are large enough!  WOO HOO!  I couldn't believe my ears.  The eggs that were too small yesterday had matured over night.  :)  I have three large eggs on my right side and 9 on my left side in which the smallest is a 14 which they think will continue to grow.  I wanted to cry when I was hearing all of this.  I looked over and Chris's face and he was smiling.  Dr. Ahlering was more than pleased and said we have a plan now.  He said that we would do a lot of meds tonight to increase the size of our follicles even more, then tomorrow we would do our Ovidrel trigger injection that will force ovulation, and then we are scheduled for retrieval on Tuesday morning at 8am.  :)  I couldn't be happier.  My doctor said that things are really looking good for us and he thinks we will be happy with the results.  I then brought up the topic that I never thought I would, I asked him about how many embryo's we would put back in.  We had said two, but to maybe up our chances after the way things have gone, we are considering putting back in three.  :)  I know I never thought I would do that, but at this point, who knows.  We will talk more once we see the embryos and how they develop.  I am just so happy right now as we are home for a few nights before heading back to St. Louis.  I know that we wouldn't have gotten to this point without all of the support from our amazing family and friends.  Keep the positive vibes and prayers coming as we aren't done yet, but at least we have a plan.  SO HAPPY!!!

Can you say frustrated!!! I went this morning for more blood and to have another ultrasound. We had to wait an hour and a half to even be seen and to make matters worse the couples in the waiting room were there for egg retrieval and their surgery. I know that the doctor said I was behind everyone but still it just sucks. I was so positive going in that they would say trigger shot tonight and surgery Sunday, but no I didn't hear that. Instead I saw that I still have double digits on the large follicles but they are not big enough still. My largest is measuring at an 18 and most of the others are around a 12. I was so bummed and I am sure he could see it as I cried after he left. He kept saying this is good and we are on the ring path, but so frustrating is all I have to say. We have to do lots more Gonal F tonight and have another scan tomorrow morning. Once we have that we will figure out what is next. Ring now I think we get to go home and do the trigger shot on Sunday and surgery Tuesday, but who knows. I am just trying to relax and let it happen the way it is supposed too, but t isn't easy to say the least. I just wish that something will go easy and right for us on this path. Please pray that my follicles grow and everything is still good.

Luck

I went and got my toes painted green for good luck with the fertility symbol on my big toes. They are so cute. We are about to leave for St Louis again and his time it will be great!!!  Hoping to find out retrieval is on Sunday!!!  Glass is very full!

Here is a pic of my toes...they are cuter in person.  :)

Meet Me In St. Louie Louie :)

I can't believe that today is finally here!!!!  I am beyond giddy today and actually didn't sleep much last night.  Granted part of that is I am uncomfortable and had an upset belly, but on the flipside so excited to see what is going on in my body right now.  My mom and I are leaving for St. Louis today for my bloodwork tomorrow and my ultrasound.  I can't wait to see how many follicles or eggs that I have.  I know that there is a lot as I am really swollen and have pain on my ovaries.  Then on top of that to actually have the date and time for my retrieval makes me more than giddy.  I know that this is going to work and this is just the first part of this process, but I am so anxious to here those two little words of You're Pregnant!  I have amazed myself in how strong I am in getting through the multiple injections a day.  I never would have dreamed that I could do this and look at me.  Thanks for all of the continued prayers and thoughts this week.  I have amazing friends and family!!  Love ya!  May God be by our side this week as we go down this road and continue to give us the strength and support that we need.

Tired of Being Poked

Yesterday was a hard day as it was my last day with my amazing class and I had to say good bye not only to them, but to my classroom of 10 years.  It was extremely difficult, but I am excited to be going to a gradelevel and team that will be more than fantastic.  As I was saying good bye to my kids and to my 5th graders that are going to middle school, it just hit me.  Then tons of teachers came over to give me a hug and wish me luck which really made me emotional.  I honestly couldn't have done what I have without their support.  I just sat there in my classroom last night thinking everything happens for a reason and I have a feeling in a few weeks I am going to find out what it is.  Then on the flip side I have been thinking that if IVF doesn't work for some reason, I am thinking of reconsidering teaching.  I am not sure I can keep teaching if I don't have my own, but I know that I will my own kids, I just have too.  This is going to work, I won't accept failure.

When I woke up this morning, I don't feel like I am on summer vacation, but I am sure I will when all of this is over.  Chris had to wake me up early to give me my injection before he left for work.  Can I just say that I am tired of being poked with all of the needles.  My tummy and abdomen are so sore from being poked each day multiple times a day.  As I was drawing up the liquid into the syringe, I said something to Chris about how I was feeling and he said I was thinking the same thing about you.  Everyone knows how much I hate needles and this is really pushing me and my will power.  I have really surprised myself in how well I have handled everything, but I do wish I could just hit fast forward on my life.  I will say that the medicine must be working as I am starting to swell in my abdomen and get poofy.  I am anxious to see how many follicles I have on Tuesday.

Today I am going to acupuncture and going to try to just relax some.  My family was supposed to come up from Springfield today for Memorial Day weekend, but now they aren't as my granny is in the hospital.  Yes, I am worried about her and she is adding to my stress right now.  My mom and dad are headed there for the day and Chris has to work all day as this is a big sales weekend for Lowes and everyone has to work.  Then my friends are all at the lake for the weekend.  I guess I will just spend relaxing and watching movies.  Or I could go lay by the pool even thought it is how cold.  Memorial Day weekend isn't supposed to be cold...  Oh well...

WHAT A DAY!

What a day! Let me just give you the low down on my day. Today was going to be a big day and it turned into a huge day. Here are the highlights: had an actual tornado warning for the first time in my 12 years of teaching with my kindergarteners and spent over an hour in cover, the tornado hit where my husband was and I had no communication where he was to make sure he was fine until 3 hours later when he sent me a picture of a car parked next to him with a piece of metal through the window, had kindergarten graduation with my class this afternoon after the tornado warning and still on edge as I hadn't heard from the hubby, after school packed up my room some, had girls night and ate shrimp that made me sick, and then followed up with doing our first Gonal F injection where my skin at the injection site swelled up. I honestly don't think I could have had one more thing happen today in my day. I am trying to think that my glass is still half full, but it is hard when I am still reeling from the day. I just hope that tomorrow goes better. Alright I am done venting!  I am still exciting that we finally hit the Stim drugs in making this more of a reality. 

5 More Days!

What a whirlwind life has been lately.  I am definitely more than a bit emotional lately and actually broke down to my mom as I am completely and totally overwhelmed with everything.  I only have 5 more days of school with my class and I have SOOOOOOO much to do that it just makes me want to cry.  I just sit in my classroom or my new classroom and I just stare at the mess in front of me not sure where to start.  Don't get me wrong most of the stuff is moved or packed, but it isn't done yet.  I know that it is going to be hard this week to get all of that done and finished with everything I have going on.  I am going to have to get out my SuperWoman cape this week and magically get it done.  Thank goodness for my amazing friends that have done most of the move for me as I know I wouldn't have gotten even close to being done.  I guess I am just going to take one step at a time this week with this.  I can't believe that I only have 5 more days...unreal.

Yesterday was a rough day with my injection as it literally wouldn't go into my tummy.  My husband tried and tried, but it didn't want to go.  He finally managed to get it in, but let me tell you it hurt so bad.  I am not sure what happened, but someone mentioned that the needle may have been crooked or my husband hit a tough piece of skin.  Thank goodness today's needle went in fine.  I think we were both nervous as yesterday he felt horrible for hurting me as I laid there crying.  I just hope that I don't have any issues when we start the stim meds on Wednesday.  I guess that is when the real fun begins.  In just a week we will be in St. Louis having my follicles measured.  I am anxious to get this going and see how my follicles develop.  I just hope that I have lots of healthy follicles that we can turn into embryo's.  The reality of all of this is really here that is for sure.  I just pray to God that he is watching over us and helping prepare my body for the procedure.  I am also hoping he is going to give me the strength to get through the rest of these steps.  Thanks to all of you that are praying and supporting us. 

Bloodwork for Baseline

Today was the day I was ready for as it was the baseline bloodwork to make sure that everything for my IVF was really going to happen.  I am still doing the lupron, but I finally got to stop taking birth control which really means that this journey is starting.  My baseline bloodwork was to show that everything was quiet and that the drugs had shut down everything for the time being.  If my bloodwork didn't come back right, Chris and I would have to head to St. Louis for an ultrasound and possible have everything halted.  I was so nervous to go in this morning for blood, but everything came back GREAT!  We are now one step closer to taking the Gonal F next week and really moving forward.  The reality is really here on top of all of the side effects that I am still having from the drugs.  My tummy issues have driven me really nuts and I was relieved to find out that I can take Pepto to help.  I even went to acupuncture this week to try to calm my body and to help out with the side effects.  When I told her about my upset tummy, she immediately put in a needle into my right wrist.  I just about jumped off the table it hurt so bad, but I trust Shamayne so much.  She pulled it out a bit and I finally relaxed through the session somewhat.  It really hurt afterwards and boy was I shocked to wake up the next day and see this.

This picture doesn't do it justice, but I now have a HUGE bruise where that needle went.  The good news is that it worked and it actually took care of my tummy so I could eat that night.  I am seeing Shamayne again next week and I am curious if she will make my other wrist match it.  I have never had anything happen like this from acupuncture.  The lady that drew my blood this morning said that my stomach much have really had some issues for it to bruise like this.  I told you I am special.  Any how, ready for next week and to get another step closer.  One last thing, I have TONS of amazing friends and family that are supporting us right now.  I have friends helping me pack up my classroom to move to a smaller room, my sister in law bringing me ginger and Sprite as that is all I am having right now, and then there are all of the supportive people that just send sweet little messages that keep us going.  It is definitely hard to keep being positive when I feel like crap, but I am being positive in my heart and head.  So ready to be a mom!

Allergic Reactions to Medication....ARGH

Oh my...where do I start.  I have started a few of my medications to get my body ready for IVF in a few weeks.  I have started taking Dexamethasone, Reclipsen, and Lupron.  I am not sure what is going on with my body, but I do know that the Lupron isn't liking my body.  After it was injected into my tummy, my tummy turns red, my tummy gets hot and burns, the injection site starts swelling, and then a lacy rash starts to spread.  I talked to the doctor and they said if that is all that it does than I should be ok, but to monitor what it does the next few days as this is an injection that I do daily.  Yesterday was the first injection and today was injection two and it did the same thing, but worse.  Then on top of all of this, I starting throwing up and having digestive issues.  I am hoping that once my body gets used to these medications I will be feeling better as this is just the beginning.  Has anyone else had issues with Lupron or is it just me?  I only have how many more doses of this medicine and on top of that I will start adding more medications into the mix.  Why can't something be easy for me for once?!  Yes, I am frustrated if you can't tell.

Meds, Meds, and More Meds!!! HERE WE GO!

Tonight a nurse from the Walgreen's specialty department called me to go over all of the meds that came in my box on Friday.  I feel so much better after talking to the nurse.  :)  When I first opened the box of medication on Friday, I was so shaky that I could hardly inventory it to see what was all there.  If you didn't know I am scared of needles and blood so this was enough to make me get hot and shaky.  I brought all of the meds home and put some in the fridge and some on the counter, but haven't looked at it since.  The lady tonight explained everything including the LARGE needles I saw and how those are for mixing the medications, thank goodness.  I had no idea that most of these medicines will have to be mixed by me or my husband as with the Follistem I just used the little dial a dosage thing to measure the medicine and inject it.  After the nurse explained everything, I feel better about all of that and even the injections in the stomach, but still not fond of it all.  I guess we will find out on Thursday when I start the Lupron.  I thought it was nice all of the tips that the nurse gave me about what to do and how to make life a bit easier.  I wasn't thrilled to hear about the Progesterone and Oil injections as that doesn't sound like much fun, but I did get a laugh when she told me to divide my butt cheek into 4 quadrants to figure out where to inject the needle.  I said people draw on their butt and she no they draw it on paper.  I think she figured out I was very literal at this point.  :)  I told Chris that he has to massage my butt and he said I don't think so.  I guess we will see how that one goes in a few weeks.  She said that this medicine can be really lumpy as it is so thick and you have to rub it in.  Believe me I am going to do everything she suggested so I am not sore from these injections.  If you have any advice, let me know.  She did say that if I am pregnant that I will have to do more of the injections even after that.  Nice...oh well I will do anything to be a mom and be pregnant again.  I can't believe that my journey is starting on Thursday with injections.  The reality of all of this is definitely in front of me.  I am ready to get this ball rolling!

Overwhelmed and Venting

Today I just felt like crying as everything is just really hitting me right now.  On Monday I had to pay for my IVF and that was a big shock to the system.  Then on Tuesday, I had to pay for the medications and I got my chain jerked around just a bit.  I did get them paid for and they will arrive at my school tomorrow.  They told me that I need to check all of the vials and make sure that they aren't broken.  I was actually a bit excited as that means that I will soon be taking them.  :)  Then on top of all of this, packing up my classroom for my new grade next year, the end of the year, all of the things I have committed to, people asking me to do things like planning events for school, and just overall fears about the whole process, I feel like I am about to break.  I am trying to stay so positive about everything, but for some reason it is all just getting to me right now.  I know everyone says I am SuperWoman and that I amaze them in how I do it all, but right now I just feel like I need to unwind and decompress from it all.  I hate to vent and complain, but right now I just need too.  I am hoping that a night out with my closest friends tomorrow will be just what I need.  I am also hoping that venting on my blog will help.  I just need to keep going and think positive.  My friends keep telling me my glass is half full and to keep looking at it that way.  I just need to get over this little bump as I start injections next Thursday.  Only 7 more days.  I hope that God can help me regroup and gather myself as I need his support right now for sure.

MAY!!!!

Oh my goodness!  May is finally here!  My calendar on my fridge actually shows something today as far as special directions for my journey to motherhood this month.  I know that this is the month that all of my dreams are going to come true.  I went to an infertility conference yesterday with 200 people and I do have to say there is strength in numbers.  As I was sitting in there, I knew I made the right choice to do IVF and to switch doctors.  I couldn't be happier and know that this is just the beginning!  Tomorrow I have to pay all of my money for my meds and honestly it doesn't even matter any more.  I am in this for a reason and everything that has happened to me is God's plan for me.  I have my support group meeting on Tuesday and I know that next month when I will be in St. Louis and miss the meeting, those women will pray for me and my miracle like no other.  I  just have to say this girls glass isn't just half full, but it is running over!  Nothing but positive thoughts baby!  :)