Merry Christmas Eve! MEMORIES!

WOW!  Are we really about to celebrate a holiday and not be depressed for the first time in 6 years!  Unreal!  As Chris and I laid in bed and talked the other night, we thought back about all of the holidays we were just sad and down as we didn't have the one gift that we had wanted for so long.  I remember each of those holidays like they were yesterday.  We would wake up and just dread going over to my parents house as we knew our nieces would be there and it was just like the biggest slap in the face that we didn't have a child.  We would fight many of these mornings as neither of us really knew how to cope and face the day.  Thank God for my amazing family that after a few years of our struggles finally understood what we were going through with each holiday.  How could you not see the pain and tears in our eyes. 

I remember last Christmas like it was yesterday as we had a new sense of hope because our friend Stef Baldwin shared with us about a new doctor in St. Louis that was a top notch doctor and a cheaper doctor for IVF.  We knew on last years Christmas that we were going to meet with that doctor and quite possibly give ourselves one more chance at infertility treatment.  This hope made last years holiday a little bit easier for the both of us and gave us life again.  I can't begin to say how thankful I am to Stef for telling me about Dr. Ahlering.  Stef is truly one of the angels that God put in my life for a reason.  I am forever indebted to her as she is the one that is making our dreams come true.  I know I have told her this over and over, but I would do anything for her and her triplets.

Now the present day and we are either days, weeks, or months away from meeting our little miracle.  This road has definitely not been easy even with the actual pregnancy, but all of this is making me stronger.  I have prepared myself that she could be here today, tomorrow, or in a few weeks as nothing that happens to me is normal.  :)  I know that some people are like think positive, but they haven't been in my shoes and have no idea what we have endured and continue to endure.  Right now I am on bedrest from school as I am already dilated and effaced.  On top of that having lots of contractions and on meds to stop the contractions.  Everyday any more has me wondering, but I know that God is watching over us and our little Gabbie.  I am so ready to meet her, but hoping and praying that she stays put a while longer.  I will be 31 weeks in a few more days and welcome each day of this pregnancy with a smile on my face as my doctor said we aren't counting each week as a milestone now, but each day.  Who knows what will happen these next few weeks, but so blessed and excited about our miracle baby that will be entering the world.

I know that with this holiday I have a smile on my face, a bounce in my step, and as my friends say I am glowing, but deep down I ache and hurt for my friends that are still suffering from infertility.  Infertility is horrible and I wouldn't wish it on anyone as it is the most painful journey I have been on and unless you have walked in these shoes, don't tell me you understand.  To those friends, I am praying for you and hope that soon you will be blessed with a miracle of your own may it be through fertility treatment, naturally, or adoption.  Tomorrow morning as I wake up on Christmas morning, I will be more than thankful for what I have and hope that you get to experience this amazing feeling that we have right now.  To everyone else, cherish these holidays as you don't know how truly fortunate you are to have blessings in your life.  I am ending this post with a picture of myself by my sister in laws Christmas tree with my bump.  With my bedrest our house isn't full of holiday spirit as we don't even have a tree up or presents, but that doesn't matter as our present is still to come.  Merry Christmas everyone!