Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Alright I need to vent... Went for scan and bloodwork today. Estrodial which is my hormone levels came back at 299 which is fine with what they saw. My scan showed 10 to 12 large eggs but the biggest was measuring at a 10. My doc is still happy and thrilled but increased my meds and stuff which cost me another grand today. I get to go home tomorrow and then head back on Thursday for another scan and bloodwork and hope they are much bigger. I know they will but I am just sad and extremely bummed. I started to cry when he left the room and my mom was being he wonderful supporter I need. Right now surgery pushed back to Sun or Mon. I am just trying to take a deep breath and let things happen. I caved and had a Dr Pepper tonight. I hate all of this and especially being poked with the needles. My tummy looks horrible from all of this. Oh well glass stil full and still trying to think positive. Thanks for the prayers and thoughts.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Meet Me In St. Louie Louie :)

I can't believe that today is finally here!!!!  I am beyond giddy today and actually didn't sleep much last night.  Granted part of that is I am uncomfortable and had an upset belly, but on the flipside so excited to see what is going on in my body right now.  My mom and I are leaving for St. Louis today for my bloodwork tomorrow and my ultrasound.  I can't wait to see how many follicles or eggs that I have.  I know that there is a lot as I am really swollen and have pain on my ovaries.  Then on top of that to actually have the date and time for my retrieval makes me more than giddy.  I know that this is going to work and this is just the first part of this process, but I am so anxious to here those two little words of You're Pregnant!  I have amazed myself in how strong I am in getting through the multiple injections a day.  I never would have dreamed that I could do this and look at me.  Thanks for all of the continued prayers and thoughts this week.  I have amazing friends and family!!  Love ya!  May God be by our side this week as we go down this road and continue to give us the strength and support that we need.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Tired of Being Poked

Yesterday was a hard day as it was my last day with my amazing class and I had to say good bye not only to them, but to my classroom of 10 years.  It was extremely difficult, but I am excited to be going to a gradelevel and team that will be more than fantastic.  As I was saying good bye to my kids and to my 5th graders that are going to middle school, it just hit me.  Then tons of teachers came over to give me a hug and wish me luck which really made me emotional.  I honestly couldn't have done what I have without their support.  I just sat there in my classroom last night thinking everything happens for a reason and I have a feeling in a few weeks I am going to find out what it is.  Then on the flip side I have been thinking that if IVF doesn't work for some reason, I am thinking of reconsidering teaching.  I am not sure I can keep teaching if I don't have my own, but I know that I will my own kids, I just have too.  This is going to work, I won't accept failure.

When I woke up this morning, I don't feel like I am on summer vacation, but I am sure I will when all of this is over.  Chris had to wake me up early to give me my injection before he left for work.  Can I just say that I am tired of being poked with all of the needles.  My tummy and abdomen are so sore from being poked each day multiple times a day.  As I was drawing up the liquid into the syringe, I said something to Chris about how I was feeling and he said I was thinking the same thing about you.  Everyone knows how much I hate needles and this is really pushing me and my will power.  I have really surprised myself in how well I have handled everything, but I do wish I could just hit fast forward on my life.  I will say that the medicine must be working as I am starting to swell in my abdomen and get poofy.  I am anxious to see how many follicles I have on Tuesday.

Today I am going to acupuncture and going to try to just relax some.  My family was supposed to come up from Springfield today for Memorial Day weekend, but now they aren't as my granny is in the hospital.  Yes, I am worried about her and she is adding to my stress right now.  My mom and dad are headed there for the day and Chris has to work all day as this is a big sales weekend for Lowes and everyone has to work.  Then my friends are all at the lake for the weekend.  I guess I will just spend relaxing and watching movies.  Or I could go lay by the pool even thought it is how cold.  Memorial Day weekend isn't supposed to be cold...  Oh well...

Wednesday, May 25, 2011


What a day! Let me just give you the low down on my day. Today was going to be a big day and it turned into a huge day. Here are the highlights: had an actual tornado warning for the first time in my 12 years of teaching with my kindergarteners and spent over an hour in cover, the tornado hit where my husband was and I had no communication where he was to make sure he was fine until 3 hours later when he sent me a picture of a car parked next to him with a piece of metal through the window, had kindergarten graduation with my class this afternoon after the tornado warning and still on edge as I hadn't heard from the hubby, after school packed up my room some, had girls night and ate shrimp that made me sick, and then followed up with doing our first Gonal F injection where my skin at the injection site swelled up. I honestly don't think I could have had one more thing happen today in my day. I am trying to think that my glass is still half full, but it is hard when I am still reeling from the day. I just hope that tomorrow goes better. Alright I am done venting!  I am still exciting that we finally hit the Stim drugs in making this more of a reality. 

Sunday, May 22, 2011

5 More Days!

What a whirlwind life has been lately.  I am definitely more than a bit emotional lately and actually broke down to my mom as I am completely and totally overwhelmed with everything.  I only have 5 more days of school with my class and I have SOOOOOOO much to do that it just makes me want to cry.  I just sit in my classroom or my new classroom and I just stare at the mess in front of me not sure where to start.  Don't get me wrong most of the stuff is moved or packed, but it isn't done yet.  I know that it is going to be hard this week to get all of that done and finished with everything I have going on.  I am going to have to get out my SuperWoman cape this week and magically get it done.  Thank goodness for my amazing friends that have done most of the move for me as I know I wouldn't have gotten even close to being done.  I guess I am just going to take one step at a time this week with this.  I can't believe that I only have 5 more days...unreal.

Yesterday was a rough day with my injection as it literally wouldn't go into my tummy.  My husband tried and tried, but it didn't want to go.  He finally managed to get it in, but let me tell you it hurt so bad.  I am not sure what happened, but someone mentioned that the needle may have been crooked or my husband hit a tough piece of skin.  Thank goodness today's needle went in fine.  I think we were both nervous as yesterday he felt horrible for hurting me as I laid there crying.  I just hope that I don't have any issues when we start the stim meds on Wednesday.  I guess that is when the real fun begins.  In just a week we will be in St. Louis having my follicles measured.  I am anxious to get this going and see how my follicles develop.  I just hope that I have lots of healthy follicles that we can turn into embryo's.  The reality of all of this is really here that is for sure.  I just pray to God that he is watching over us and helping prepare my body for the procedure.  I am also hoping he is going to give me the strength to get through the rest of these steps.  Thanks to all of you that are praying and supporting us. 

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Bloodwork for Baseline

Today was the day I was ready for as it was the baseline bloodwork to make sure that everything for my IVF was really going to happen.  I am still doing the lupron, but I finally got to stop taking birth control which really means that this journey is starting.  My baseline bloodwork was to show that everything was quiet and that the drugs had shut down everything for the time being.  If my bloodwork didn't come back right, Chris and I would have to head to St. Louis for an ultrasound and possible have everything halted.  I was so nervous to go in this morning for blood, but everything came back GREAT!  We are now one step closer to taking the Gonal F next week and really moving forward.  The reality is really here on top of all of the side effects that I am still having from the drugs.  My tummy issues have driven me really nuts and I was relieved to find out that I can take Pepto to help.  I even went to acupuncture this week to try to calm my body and to help out with the side effects.  When I told her about my upset tummy, she immediately put in a needle into my right wrist.  I just about jumped off the table it hurt so bad, but I trust Shamayne so much.  She pulled it out a bit and I finally relaxed through the session somewhat.  It really hurt afterwards and boy was I shocked to wake up the next day and see this.

This picture doesn't do it justice, but I now have a HUGE bruise where that needle went.  The good news is that it worked and it actually took care of my tummy so I could eat that night.  I am seeing Shamayne again next week and I am curious if she will make my other wrist match it.  I have never had anything happen like this from acupuncture.  The lady that drew my blood this morning said that my stomach much have really had some issues for it to bruise like this.  I told you I am special.  Any how, ready for next week and to get another step closer.  One last thing, I have TONS of amazing friends and family that are supporting us right now.  I have friends helping me pack up my classroom to move to a smaller room, my sister in law bringing me ginger and Sprite as that is all I am having right now, and then there are all of the supportive people that just send sweet little messages that keep us going.  It is definitely hard to keep being positive when I feel like crap, but I am being positive in my heart and head.  So ready to be a mom!

Friday, May 13, 2011

Allergic Reactions to Medication....ARGH

Oh my...where do I start.  I have started a few of my medications to get my body ready for IVF in a few weeks.  I have started taking Dexamethasone, Reclipsen, and Lupron.  I am not sure what is going on with my body, but I do know that the Lupron isn't liking my body.  After it was injected into my tummy, my tummy turns red, my tummy gets hot and burns, the injection site starts swelling, and then a lacy rash starts to spread.  I talked to the doctor and they said if that is all that it does than I should be ok, but to monitor what it does the next few days as this is an injection that I do daily.  Yesterday was the first injection and today was injection two and it did the same thing, but worse.  Then on top of all of this, I starting throwing up and having digestive issues.  I am hoping that once my body gets used to these medications I will be feeling better as this is just the beginning.  Has anyone else had issues with Lupron or is it just me?  I only have how many more doses of this medicine and on top of that I will start adding more medications into the mix.  Why can't something be easy for me for once?!  Yes, I am frustrated if you can't tell.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Meds, Meds, and More Meds!!! HERE WE GO!

Tonight a nurse from the Walgreen's specialty department called me to go over all of the meds that came in my box on Friday.  I feel so much better after talking to the nurse.  :)  When I first opened the box of medication on Friday, I was so shaky that I could hardly inventory it to see what was all there.  If you didn't know I am scared of needles and blood so this was enough to make me get hot and shaky.  I brought all of the meds home and put some in the fridge and some on the counter, but haven't looked at it since.  The lady tonight explained everything including the LARGE needles I saw and how those are for mixing the medications, thank goodness.  I had no idea that most of these medicines will have to be mixed by me or my husband as with the Follistem I just used the little dial a dosage thing to measure the medicine and inject it.  After the nurse explained everything, I feel better about all of that and even the injections in the stomach, but still not fond of it all.  I guess we will find out on Thursday when I start the Lupron.  I thought it was nice all of the tips that the nurse gave me about what to do and how to make life a bit easier.  I wasn't thrilled to hear about the Progesterone and Oil injections as that doesn't sound like much fun, but I did get a laugh when she told me to divide my butt cheek into 4 quadrants to figure out where to inject the needle.  I said people draw on their butt and she no they draw it on paper.  I think she figured out I was very literal at this point.  :)  I told Chris that he has to massage my butt and he said I don't think so.  I guess we will see how that one goes in a few weeks.  She said that this medicine can be really lumpy as it is so thick and you have to rub it in.  Believe me I am going to do everything she suggested so I am not sore from these injections.  If you have any advice, let me know.  She did say that if I am pregnant that I will have to do more of the injections even after that.  Nice...oh well I will do anything to be a mom and be pregnant again.  I can't believe that my journey is starting on Thursday with injections.  The reality of all of this is definitely in front of me.  I am ready to get this ball rolling!

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Mother's Day Feelings

I wasn't going to post, but the way I am feeling right now and knowing that so many of you are feeling the same way deserves to be recognized.  We all know that the holidays can be hard, but then there is the Mother's Day holiday which feels like the biggest slap in a woman's face that is dealing with infertility.  If it isn't hard enough dealing with what we do, but to have a holiday to single you out for not having a child makes it that much harder.  I have the most amazing mom and I am so thankful to have her not only as my mom, but my best friend and I truly do treasure her even though on this day my heart is breaking.  A friend of mine said the other day how fitting it was that my medications showed up just a few days before Mother's Day as a way of saying this would be the last one I would have to endure without a child.  I hope that she is right.  I remember a few years ago how hard this holiday was after losing a child and it just seems that it only gets harder.  To all of you that are in the same boat as me, my prayer tonight will be that this be the last Mother's Day we each have to endure without a child in the tummy or an actual baby.  I also will pray that each of us get through this day with limited heartache and know that God has a plan for us.  Happy Future Mother's Day to all of my infertile friends and to my friends that read my blog with a child, thank you for inspiring me to keep fighting this battle to be an amazing mother like you!  <3

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Overwhelmed and Venting

Today I just felt like crying as everything is just really hitting me right now.  On Monday I had to pay for my IVF and that was a big shock to the system.  Then on Tuesday, I had to pay for the medications and I got my chain jerked around just a bit.  I did get them paid for and they will arrive at my school tomorrow.  They told me that I need to check all of the vials and make sure that they aren't broken.  I was actually a bit excited as that means that I will soon be taking them.  :)  Then on top of all of this, packing up my classroom for my new grade next year, the end of the year, all of the things I have committed to, people asking me to do things like planning events for school, and just overall fears about the whole process, I feel like I am about to break.  I am trying to stay so positive about everything, but for some reason it is all just getting to me right now.  I know everyone says I am SuperWoman and that I amaze them in how I do it all, but right now I just feel like I need to unwind and decompress from it all.  I hate to vent and complain, but right now I just need too.  I am hoping that a night out with my closest friends tomorrow will be just what I need.  I am also hoping that venting on my blog will help.  I just need to keep going and think positive.  My friends keep telling me my glass is half full and to keep looking at it that way.  I just need to get over this little bump as I start injections next Thursday.  Only 7 more days.  I hope that God can help me regroup and gather myself as I need his support right now for sure.

Sunday, May 1, 2011


Oh my goodness!  May is finally here!  My calendar on my fridge actually shows something today as far as special directions for my journey to motherhood this month.  I know that this is the month that all of my dreams are going to come true.  I went to an infertility conference yesterday with 200 people and I do have to say there is strength in numbers.  As I was sitting in there, I knew I made the right choice to do IVF and to switch doctors.  I couldn't be happier and know that this is just the beginning!  Tomorrow I have to pay all of my money for my meds and honestly it doesn't even matter any more.  I am in this for a reason and everything that has happened to me is God's plan for me.  I have my support group meeting on Tuesday and I know that next month when I will be in St. Louis and miss the meeting, those women will pray for me and my miracle like no other.  I  just have to say this girls glass isn't just half full, but it is running over!  Nothing but positive thoughts baby!  :)