Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Let the Waiting Begin

I am not going to write much as I would like to forget yesterday. Yesterday was the day of my IUI procedure. For some reason it was more painful than ever before. I have been laying on the couch since having a hard time sitting up let alone moving. The pain is a combo of the procedure and ovulation of two large eggs. I slept in today until noon and that seemed to help some, but I am still very sore, but much better than yesterday.

Now it is the waiting game to see if it worked. The chances of my doing a pregnancy test in a few weeks is slim, but I promised my friend Becky that if on the day she goes into labor and I still don't know anything, that I would do a test. I guess we will have to wait and see. :) I am really thinking that quite possibly that I am pregnant right now, but who knows, but I do know that I have to keep my positive attitude up. I really don't EVER want to do this again. Keep the prayers and hormones coming my way!!! I couldn't get through this without my wonderful supportive friends!

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Its a Start

I haven't felt like writing much lately. There has been so much craziness going on in my life. If you have read previous blogs you know that we had to go to Mississippi as Chris's grandpa died and then my dad has been in the hospital as well. My dad is now home, thank God, but he isn't out of the woods yet as he has a rare staph infection that is deteriorating his bones in his right foot. He has to stay off of his foot and have constant IV treatment at home for the next 8 weeks. I really feel for my mom as she is the one that gets to deal with him on a day to day basis and clean his pic line. I really hope that this is all going to work and then my dad can have the next operation in 8 weeks. On top of that I pray that my mom can deal with this as it is going to be a lengthy ordeal. I do know that she is a strong person though and amazes me daily.

On to the main reason that I write this blog. my ongoing fertility treatment. I feel so much better about everything this month. Granted it was more than a pain in the butt pulling into a rest stop this past week for Chris to give me my injections, but it will all be worth it in a few weeks, I just know it. Today I went to the doctor as it is day 11 to have my eggs measured. I was so positive going in that I would have eggs on my right ovary as it was dormant last month, but guess again there was nothing there. However, I do have a huge egg on my left ovary and another large egg. I was told to do another injection tonight to allow them to get even bigger. I was a little bummed about my right ovary, but she made it sound like it wasn't a big deal and we have no idea what egg got fertilized in February. The good thing is that my dreams about triplets this month can go away as that won't happen, but twins, who knows? I really think that the size of the huge egg will be at least a 22 or so by the time of IUI on Monday. I really feel like this is our month. I am relaxed, well partly relaxed with worrying about my dad, and ready for this. I know that by Tuesday, I will be pregnant again. I will do anything and everything to make sure that this happens.

The one thing that made me sad today is that there was no one there for scans or bloodwork except all of these new consult patients that are just getting started. Almost 1 year ago, Chris and I were in there shoes and thinking that this was going to be easy as they told me. I remember leaving there on cloud 9 thinking I will be pregnant in no time and here I am a year later still not pregnant. I am going to try not to dwell on that and think maybe I just needed the extra time for the perfect egg to form for the most beautiful baby. See my spirits are up! I just have to get through these next few days. WOO HOO!!!!

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Roller Coaster

Wow, has my life been crazy since I wrote last week. I have been meaning to write in the past few days, but I keep getting distracted. Since I wrote on Thursday, my niece Bella was born on noon on Friday, Chris's grandpa died on Friday at 8pm, and I officially started my period over the weekend. If you can't tell Friday was definitely a day filled with mixed emotions. I went from being happy about my new niece Bella in my life to devastated about hearing the news about Papa's passing and seeing Chris's reaction. I have never seen Chris so upset. I thought the way that he handled my miscarriage was tough on him, but this leveled him and he wouldn't let me help him. He is finally coming around, but we are headed out to Mississippi on Thursday to be with his Nana and for Chris to have some closure. I am really hoping that this will help. We will be coming back on Sunday as I have a computer class to teach on Monday. Then on top of that I found out today that my dad is having surgery on Friday and then again on Monday to have the pin going through his foot taken out as he has an infection there which is eating away at the bone. I am praying and hoping that this doctor can get this issue resolved and cause my dad some much needed relief. It will be hard being gone while this is going on, but I will be sending all prayers my dad's way.

I went to my fertility doctor today as I had to have a scan of my ovaries to see that they were quiet right now as I am officially on my period. The good news is that they were quiet and there were no cysts. :) I really didn't think that there would be any as I haven't had any eggs except just this last month as I was on birth control before that, but they still have to check it out and take $330 out of my pocket for the scan. Any how, my nurse Marci and I were able to sit down and plan out my month. I can't tell you how excited I am about it. My nurse I think was shocked at my change in attitude. I really believe that last month was just a test to get my feet wet with this whole process. I still don't even feel like I went through it even though I had all of the pain from the procedures and shots, but my body just felt numb or maybe it was my heart. The whole month I was trying to be positive, but nothing seemed to be going our way and I was more or less just terrified to see a positive as I wasn't ready just yet to start on that road again. I know that is what I want, but I wasn't ready. However, I am more than ready now.

If you can't tell I am really pumped about this month and I am even OK with all of the treatments that I have to do. I know that my right ovary last month was dormant and didn't produce any eggs which was fine as my left ovary was working, but when I was pregnant in February, all of my eggs were on that side. I am not saying that is the difference between a negative and positive pregnancy test, but I feel like that is what needs to happen. I don't know for sure, I am just really excited and positive about this month. I really felt good being there and talking about everything.

Luckily my Dr gave me my injectable drug again which saves me $2500. I don't think she knows how much I appreciate that as we have shelled out THOUSANDS of dollars each month lately on this. I take my first dose later this week in which Chris will be the lucky one to administer it. Please send all positive thoughts and hormones my way this month as I know this is going to work. If for some reason it doesn't, I will be more than upset this month, but I will know that we have one more month to try all of this again before Chris and I take a much needed break. I know that I am meant to be a mommy and it will happen no matter what. I WILL SAY THIS IN ALL CAPS...I WILL BE PREGNANT BY THE END OF JULY NO MATTER WHAT! Thanks for your continued love and support!

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Another Month

What did I tell you, this month was going to be a bust! I was pretty sure of that from the beginning when nothing seemed to be going right. The worst part is that I am not even that upset as I really don't think I was ready for a positive test even though that is what I want more than anything. Chris on the other hand is really mad about the whole thing and especially my attitude. What doesn't help is that we have also received a phone call tonight about Chris's grandpa and how they expect him to pass any time and it couldn't be worse timing with Chris's inventory next week. To be honest with you and myself, I seriously feel as if I wasn't ready to try fertility treatments this month, but between everyone's coaxing, I finally gave in. Do I think next month will be better? Absolutely! I know that I need eggs on my right ovary this month as I think that might of be why it worked last time and I haven't had that except for a few times. I know that is just speculation, but it kind of makes sense. Am I looking forward to another round of drugs and shots, NO, but I do know that I am only giving this a couple more times before calling it quits for good. If you can't tell, I am in a funk right now and what doesn't help is that my niece is going to be born tomorrow. Don't get me wrong, I am excited about being an aunt again, but it makes me think is this the only thing I will ever be to a child. I know that isn't the way I should think, but I am in a bad humor. I feel better getting all of this off my chest as I can't talk to Chris right now as he is dealing with his own problems on top of ours. All I can say is maybe next month...