Waiting......Waiting.....Need Some Patience

Right now I need to be asking for some patience in my life as this 10 day wait to find out if my embryos took is starting to drive me nuts.  Let me rephrase that, I am nuts now.  It is all I can think about.  Everyone said that this was worse than all of the injections and I was like nah, there is no way, but now I am thinking they were right.  It would help if I had something to do like work to take my mind off of things, but I don't.  Instead I am just sitting on the couch per doctor's orders after my scare the other day.  BORING!  I thought yesterday was never going to end.  I don't understand how I have all of the patience in the world with my kindergarteners, but when it comes to this I am about to rip my hair out.  Then on top of that not being able to sleep is starting to not help.  This morning I was up at 4am with nausea and that was a new one.  I ate some crackers in bed with some gatorade and then dozed back off for a bit and had amazing dreams about our twins.  I really feel like I have to be pregnant as we were led on this path and everything happens for a reason.  I never would have done IVF and went to this new doctor in St. Louis if I wouldn't have become friends with the triplets mom this year and found out about him.  Then the moving to 2nd grade is telling me that the kindergarteners coming in are going to be rough and I don't need that stress at all.  I am trying to look at everything so positive and that just helps me to keep the faith.  Everyone asks me if I have symptoms and of course I do are you not realizing all of the hormones I am pumping into my body.  I had a breakdown last night after Chris went to bed and just lost it.  It is so easy to do.  I am not the crying type, but lately I am.  We have so much invested in this and I am not accepting failure.  I just have to keep telling myself this for 6 more days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  AHHHHHHH I really need some patience right now.  I can do this...RIGHT?!

Anticipation

I guess I am not very good at being patient and waiting for things that I really want in life. This weekend all I have thought about is what if. I am thinking more positive on the what if side, but I am still doing a lot of thinking. What doesn't help is that I have a husband that keeps asking me; can we just do a test now and he doesn't get it that it is a timing thing. I am not sure how much longer I will be able to hold up without knowing. I know that they said this Friday I can do a test, but knowing my body and what happened last time, I am thinking Sunday at the earliest. I just hope that I can hold up until then.

Someone asked me the other day if we would give this another month and I didn't know what to say. I would love to say yes, but honestly we had everything on our side this month with my eggs and Chris's part that if it doesn't work then I think we need to move on for a while. Besides my pocketbook needs a break from this. I am not sure I can scrounge up a few thousand dollars for another go. I just hope that having these thoughts and conversations were pointless as I am already prego, but it is definitely food for thought.

Keep all the positive thoughts and prayers coming! I am just praying for a healthy miracle!