I don't think I could of been any happier about being pregnancy. The glow that everyone talks about that people get when they are pregnant, I had it. :) On that Monday, I had to go have blood drawn to check my levels. My progesterone came back high and my HCG was at a 70. I went back on Wednesday to have them checked again as the HCG was supposed to double or increase by 1/2 and it came back at a 111. On Friday when I went my level had gone up to a 171 and the doctors were concerned that something was wrong with the baby. My heart dropped and I was terrified.
Chris and I told my parents the news on that Saturday and it was a happy, but sad time. I will never forget the look on my mom's face when I told her, but of course we had to tell them that there was probably something wrong with the baby, but we were all hopeful still. On Monday I had more blood work done to check my levels. It was the longest day waiting to hear what my numbers had gone up to. When the call came in, it was only a 224. Instantly my heart broke as I knew I was going to lose this baby.
On Thursday Chris and I went to the doctor to do an ultrasound to see the baby and see what is going on. I will never forget how scared I was and how hard I was squeezing Chris's hand. The look on the ultrasound wasn't good. We could see something in the uterus, but it wasn't as big as it should be for the numbers I had. My doctor then thought that maybe it was ectopic. At this point, my doctor wasn't sure what to do as if you aren't careful in how you handle the situation, I could get hurt and die. That was a nice thought wasn't it. All I remember Dr. Brabec saying is that this is common and that 1 out of 4 women miscarry and the chances of this happening again are slim. My Dr then decided that we would see if this baby would miscarry on its own over the weekend and I would come back on Monday. If it didn't, we would be looking into terminating the pregnancy by injections into my hip bones or surgery. When I left there with Chris on that day, my heart was broken and I didn't know what to think or do. Why is it that everything that happens to us, has to be out of the norm and more complicated. I was just sick at my stomach and wasn't sure how I was going to get through this nightmare. Here I wanted nothing more to be pregnant and now that I am, I wanted this whole thing over.
On Monday, I went back out there and did more blood work and another ultrasound. Once again my numbers kept going up, but they were NO where near where they needed to be. The sac in my uterus looked about the same. It was then decided that I would come back after lunch to have injections into my hipbones that would cause the baby to miscarry on its own and I wouldn't have to have surgery. When Chris and I went back, it was one of the most horrible things in the world. You are already upset as I felt like I was killing my baby that I wanted more than anything and it was more needles which I already have a fear of. Feeling that cold liquid enter into my system was one of the weirdest feelings I have ever had. I was told that this drug would shot off the hormones to the baby and cause it to miscarry on it's own as my hormone levels dropped. It could be weeks to a month for this to happen and I would have to have more blood work done every week to check my levels to make sure that they were dropping. I do know one thing that was dropping at this point and that was my heart, my weight, and my energy. I felt so alone and scared and felt like I had no where to turn even though I knew I had my friends and family supporting me through this horrible ordeal. When will this nightmare be over.
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