My blog is to help me deal with the highs and lows of my infertility treatments on the path to motherhood! However, right now I am pregnant with TWINS after our first IVF cycle in May/June 2011!
Showing posts with label Not Pregnant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Not Pregnant. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Strength
I never thought I would go through half of the things in my life that I have. The obstacles that I encountered these past few years just keep building me up and empowering me. It really and truly amazes me at what a strong person I have become. Granted with each blow it does hurt and send me on an emotional downspin, but I continue to pick myself up and try again. I have said it time and time again that my journey is a roller coaster with so many dips and turns which really does a number on the body. Right now I have to look at this month as a stepping stone to my body healing and moving forward. I am not sure what else I can do, but I am going to try. Seeing what I did today and the way my body felt just shows me that we are getting closer. The pain that I experienced isn't normal and I just have to keep remembering that. Parenthood has eluded us all of these years, but I feel as if it is going to happen in the near future I just know it. Yes, today was a rough day physically and emotionally, but I have to pick myself up and get ready for another month.
Monday, December 6, 2010
More Waiting.... :)
Last week seemed to last forever, but today was the worst as I just wanted to get to acupuncture. I never thought I would say that. When my doctor came into the room, she asked how I was and I told her I am not saying anything until you listen to my pulse. She just laughed. She listened and said it was even stronger and led her to believe that I still could be you know what. I told her about how I had been feeling, but I didn't want to put to much into it as we have been here before. Any how, it was the most relaxing session I have had. I took huge deep breaths and just got in the moment. Afterwards she came in to take all of the needles in, she asked me to do a test, but I said not yet. I told her to give me another week as I can't see another negative test. She said ok, but to email her as she was dying to know what happens this week. I guess the real waiting begins. I am actually pretty calm as I know that if I do start, I really feel great about things. However, nothing would make my and Chris's Christmas like finding out we were you know what. Alright with that...I am ending this. Aunt Connie, don't bother asking me because I will lie to you. LOL. I do love all of the nice thoughts and prayers though. We are going to get our miracle one way or another. On another note getting my paperwork together to send to the doctor in St. Louis for our consult. EXCITING!
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Waiting Game
I know that the minute I sit down to write this that I am going to start, but I would rather start instead of wondering for another week. Today is day 39 of my cycle and I have yet to start. Of course in the back of my head am I am wondering if maybe I am pregnant, but then in the front of my head is the reality saying my body is so screwed up that this is nothing and I will start any day. Then I start wondering how many days will I give it until I do a test, but I know that there is no way I would do one until next weekend for sure. I am sure tomorrow I will hear it from my acupuncturist about not doing a test. On that front how much longer am I am going to give my acupuncture treatments? I just wish that my life could be a hell of a lot easier on this front. So...I guess let the waiting begin and hopefully let my nerves calm down to get me through this.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Those Horrible Words
There is something about seeing the words "Not Pregnant" on a pregnancy test that just does me in. I was late this month and was actually feeling pregnant which of course immediately had my husband saying I need to do a test. I did and I saw those horrible two words again. I can't even describe the pain and anger I felt when I saw those words as that test went flying into the trashcan. I was so hopeful that it would be positive and that we wouldn't need a plan any more, but not the case. I finally started the other day and it has been one of the weirdest cycles I have had with cramps that nothing would take care of including prescription drugs. I am trying not to think about it and ready for this new month, but at the same time I don't want to think about it and see if that helps, but everyone knows that I will be counting the days and know exactly when we would need to have sex as I can't get that part of this whole process out of my system. How weird would it be if I did get prego this month or next month as those were the months I conceived last year. I honestly think it would creep me out to say the least. Who knows, but I am hopeful.
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