Saturday, May 7, 2011
Mother's Day Feelings
I wasn't going to post, but the way I am feeling right now and knowing that so many of you are feeling the same way deserves to be recognized. We all know that the holidays can be hard, but then there is the Mother's Day holiday which feels like the biggest slap in a woman's face that is dealing with infertility. If it isn't hard enough dealing with what we do, but to have a holiday to single you out for not having a child makes it that much harder. I have the most amazing mom and I am so thankful to have her not only as my mom, but my best friend and I truly do treasure her even though on this day my heart is breaking. A friend of mine said the other day how fitting it was that my medications showed up just a few days before Mother's Day as a way of saying this would be the last one I would have to endure without a child. I hope that she is right. I remember a few years ago how hard this holiday was after losing a child and it just seems that it only gets harder. To all of you that are in the same boat as me, my prayer tonight will be that this be the last Mother's Day we each have to endure without a child in the tummy or an actual baby. I also will pray that each of us get through this day with limited heartache and know that God has a plan for us. Happy Future Mother's Day to all of my infertile friends and to my friends that read my blog with a child, thank you for inspiring me to keep fighting this battle to be an amazing mother like you! <3
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Overwhelmed and Venting
Today I just felt like crying as everything is just really hitting me right now. On Monday I had to pay for my IVF and that was a big shock to the system. Then on Tuesday, I had to pay for the medications and I got my chain jerked around just a bit. I did get them paid for and they will arrive at my school tomorrow. They told me that I need to check all of the vials and make sure that they aren't broken. I was actually a bit excited as that means that I will soon be taking them. :) Then on top of all of this, packing up my classroom for my new grade next year, the end of the year, all of the things I have committed to, people asking me to do things like planning events for school, and just overall fears about the whole process, I feel like I am about to break. I am trying to stay so positive about everything, but for some reason it is all just getting to me right now. I know everyone says I am SuperWoman and that I amaze them in how I do it all, but right now I just feel like I need to unwind and decompress from it all. I hate to vent and complain, but right now I just need too. I am hoping that a night out with my closest friends tomorrow will be just what I need. I am also hoping that venting on my blog will help. I just need to keep going and think positive. My friends keep telling me my glass is half full and to keep looking at it that way. I just need to get over this little bump as I start injections next Thursday. Only 7 more days. I hope that God can help me regroup and gather myself as I need his support right now for sure.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
MAY!!!!
Oh my goodness! May is finally here! My calendar on my fridge actually shows something today as far as special directions for my journey to motherhood this month. I know that this is the month that all of my dreams are going to come true. I went to an infertility conference yesterday with 200 people and I do have to say there is strength in numbers. As I was sitting in there, I knew I made the right choice to do IVF and to switch doctors. I couldn't be happier and know that this is just the beginning! Tomorrow I have to pay all of my money for my meds and honestly it doesn't even matter any more. I am in this for a reason and everything that has happened to me is God's plan for me. I have my support group meeting on Tuesday and I know that next month when I will be in St. Louis and miss the meeting, those women will pray for me and my miracle like no other. I just have to say this girls glass isn't just half full, but it is running over! Nothing but positive thoughts baby! :)
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Med Costs
Today when the phone rang and I saw that it was from the pharmacy that was taking care of my fertility drugs, I wanted to answer and then on the flipside I didn't. Immediately the lady told me that I didn't have fertility coverage which was no shock. Then she started giving me the breakdown of all of the meds and drugs. Once she started I just kept saying in my head please don't be a lot. We had planned on spending anywhere from 3 grand to 4 grand. Here is what she said:
Lupron Kit is $99
Ovidrel trigger shot to release the eggs is $83.79
Progesterone and Oil is for 3 vials is $35 and equals to $105
Endometrin is $105 for the discount program/$144.48 if I didn’t enroll for program
*The lady I talked to said to check with my IVF nurse to see if I really need to take this as doctors
usually don't prescribe progrestone and endometrin at the same time. On top of that I am
worried as how I am going to react to this drug.
Dexamethasone quantity of 30 is $13.04 (Might transfer to local Walgreens to use my insurance)
Z-Pac is $49.70 without insurance (Might transfer to local Walgreens to use my insurance)
Luveris is for two vials is $36.14 a vial for $72.28 total
By this point I was going this isn't to bad and to good to be true, but I knew that the big bombshell must be coming and that it did.
Gonal 450 IU for 3 vials Meds for $1872.12
Estimated Total is $2409.93 or $2346 would be total if transfer those two drugs
Now the initial shock has set in and I have had time to think and the total was a lot less than I thought and planned on. Actually I have enough money to pay for my meds and not have to charge them and I will still have more money to put towards the procedure. :) I hope that this is really all the meds I am going to have to take and that this cost isn't going to go up because if it stays the same, I can deal with this a little bit easier.
The lady did tell me about a company that I can sign up with called New Life Agency. Has anyone heard of this? The website is http://www.newlifeagency.com/ and you sign up and pay like a $25 enrollment fee, but what they do is pay you $100 back for every $1000 you spend on fertility drugs. I looked at the site and I still want to read it some more to find out the details, but saving a few more bucks sounds good to me. This phone call is going better than I thought. :)
After I had time to digest all of this, I am really viewing my glass half full instead of half empty. Next week is going to be rough as I have to pay for everything, but I do have to say all of this is really becoming real to me. I feel like this is still so far away and I am just ready to get this ball rolling and move forward with this. I am hoping that these next few weeks just fly by. Only happy thoughts for this girl and have to remain calm, stress free, and positive!!!
Lupron Kit is $99
Ovidrel trigger shot to release the eggs is $83.79
Progesterone and Oil is for 3 vials is $35 and equals to $105
Endometrin is $105 for the discount program/$144.48 if I didn’t enroll for program
*The lady I talked to said to check with my IVF nurse to see if I really need to take this as doctors
usually don't prescribe progrestone and endometrin at the same time. On top of that I am
worried as how I am going to react to this drug.
Dexamethasone quantity of 30 is $13.04 (Might transfer to local Walgreens to use my insurance)
Z-Pac is $49.70 without insurance (Might transfer to local Walgreens to use my insurance)
Luveris is for two vials is $36.14 a vial for $72.28 total
By this point I was going this isn't to bad and to good to be true, but I knew that the big bombshell must be coming and that it did.
Gonal 450 IU for 3 vials Meds for $1872.12
Estimated Total is $2409.93 or $2346 would be total if transfer those two drugs
Now the initial shock has set in and I have had time to think and the total was a lot less than I thought and planned on. Actually I have enough money to pay for my meds and not have to charge them and I will still have more money to put towards the procedure. :) I hope that this is really all the meds I am going to have to take and that this cost isn't going to go up because if it stays the same, I can deal with this a little bit easier.
The lady did tell me about a company that I can sign up with called New Life Agency. Has anyone heard of this? The website is http://www.newlifeagency.com/ and you sign up and pay like a $25 enrollment fee, but what they do is pay you $100 back for every $1000 you spend on fertility drugs. I looked at the site and I still want to read it some more to find out the details, but saving a few more bucks sounds good to me. This phone call is going better than I thought. :)
After I had time to digest all of this, I am really viewing my glass half full instead of half empty. Next week is going to be rough as I have to pay for everything, but I do have to say all of this is really becoming real to me. I feel like this is still so far away and I am just ready to get this ball rolling and move forward with this. I am hoping that these next few weeks just fly by. Only happy thoughts for this girl and have to remain calm, stress free, and positive!!!
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Holidays
Why are the holidays so hard? Why do I bother turning on my computer on these holidays and see all of the posts on Facebook? Why do I torture myself so bad with this? I know that Easter isn't just about the Easter bunny and it is about Jesus, but it doesn't make it any easier to see pictures of my friends kids, their eggs hunts, and their baskets. I remember when we first found out years ago that we were pregnant that one of the first thoughts that went through my head was Chris and I weren't going to be alone on the holidays any more and our family would be complete. Now how many more years later I am dreading going to my parents for the day as it is just hard. I know that the only people that really and truly understand what I am talking about are the ones that are in the same shoes. I know that the next two holidays are Mother's Day and Father's Day which will be as equally as hard, but then no more real holidays until October. May all of us that are in this boat get through these next few holidays with flying colors. Saying a prayer for all of us today regarding a miracle in the very near future. Happy Easter!
Friday, April 15, 2011
Last Phone Conference!
Things are so real now that it just amazes me! My IVF nurse just called to walk me through the HUGE packet of information that she sent me. I thought the packet was big that I got before, but this is serious business. I have to fill out a bunch of papers and have them notarized as soon as possible to give our consent to doing this and also to freeze our embryos that survive. :) On the top of the packet was a colored copy of my updated medication schedule. Some of my medicines have changed since the first calendar she sent me. I love how everything is color coded that way I am not going to mess up a dose or anything like that. I think the lady learned pretty quick that I am very organized and like having everything planned out.
She went through step by step what is going to happen in May. May 12th is when my real fun starts and I get to start my first injectable drug called Lupron. She said that this drug is a suppressant and that it is going to get my body ready for IVF by suppressing my pituitary gland. I haven't taken this drug before so I guess we will see if there are any reactions with it. I will also be taking a steroid called Dexamethasone that I have taken before. I take those in conjunction with my usual medications for a while. Then on the 18th I have to have my Estrodial checked and we are hoping for a low number as I should be on my period or getting ready to have a period. Then depending on a couple of factors, I might have to go to St. Louis for a baseline ultrasound, but we won't know that until the 22nd. I am hoping that I don't. Then on the 25th more fun with taking Gonal F on top of everything else. This is a new drug to me, but she says that it is like the Follistim that I took before that will increase my hormones and follicle growth. Does anyone agree or disagree with this that has taken this? On the 30th, I get to take Luveris which is another drug I haven't taken to mature the follicles that I have produced. Thoughts? Then on the 31st, I have my Estrodial checked that morning in St. Louis and then the ultrasound to check my follicles after that. Depending on what they see depends on what they do the next few days. They will either tell me to stay in St. Louis or go home and come back in a few days. Everything is up in the air which sucks as I am a planner, but it will be ok. Meanwhile I will keep dosing up on medicine to keep my follicles growing as we want them as mature as we can get them. :) Somewhere around then I will take an Ovidrel injection to cause all of the follicles to ovulate. 36 hours after injection is when I will have surgery.
I was told that my egg retrieval will probably be that Friday or Saturday just depending on how they mature. She said that everything is done in the office and they have various rooms for the surgery and recovery. She said that the sedation isn't a full few hours sedation, but more like 15 minutes to come out of it. She said that I will be groggy most of the day, but I will be able to walk around just not do too much. After that the next day they will call me to let me know how our little embryo's are developing. Hearing that is exciting as that will really give us hope with this whole process. Meanwhile I will be doing medications still, but not sure which ones yet. On day 5 the best two embryo's will be transferred back in (she said to drink water before hand) and I guess we get to watch it. :) Then after that is 24 hours of bedrest. Then cross the fingers and hope for a miracle or miracles.
This is all feeling really real. I know that we have the greatest support system in the world that is going to get us through this next month. Meanwhile I am going to keep thinking positive, working out, and trying to eat healthy. I just have to keep telling myself that I am Superwoman and I can do anything with the love and support of God and my family and friends. I am very blessed to have them in my life.
She went through step by step what is going to happen in May. May 12th is when my real fun starts and I get to start my first injectable drug called Lupron. She said that this drug is a suppressant and that it is going to get my body ready for IVF by suppressing my pituitary gland. I haven't taken this drug before so I guess we will see if there are any reactions with it. I will also be taking a steroid called Dexamethasone that I have taken before. I take those in conjunction with my usual medications for a while. Then on the 18th I have to have my Estrodial checked and we are hoping for a low number as I should be on my period or getting ready to have a period. Then depending on a couple of factors, I might have to go to St. Louis for a baseline ultrasound, but we won't know that until the 22nd. I am hoping that I don't. Then on the 25th more fun with taking Gonal F on top of everything else. This is a new drug to me, but she says that it is like the Follistim that I took before that will increase my hormones and follicle growth. Does anyone agree or disagree with this that has taken this? On the 30th, I get to take Luveris which is another drug I haven't taken to mature the follicles that I have produced. Thoughts? Then on the 31st, I have my Estrodial checked that morning in St. Louis and then the ultrasound to check my follicles after that. Depending on what they see depends on what they do the next few days. They will either tell me to stay in St. Louis or go home and come back in a few days. Everything is up in the air which sucks as I am a planner, but it will be ok. Meanwhile I will keep dosing up on medicine to keep my follicles growing as we want them as mature as we can get them. :) Somewhere around then I will take an Ovidrel injection to cause all of the follicles to ovulate. 36 hours after injection is when I will have surgery.
I was told that my egg retrieval will probably be that Friday or Saturday just depending on how they mature. She said that everything is done in the office and they have various rooms for the surgery and recovery. She said that the sedation isn't a full few hours sedation, but more like 15 minutes to come out of it. She said that I will be groggy most of the day, but I will be able to walk around just not do too much. After that the next day they will call me to let me know how our little embryo's are developing. Hearing that is exciting as that will really give us hope with this whole process. Meanwhile I will be doing medications still, but not sure which ones yet. On day 5 the best two embryo's will be transferred back in (she said to drink water before hand) and I guess we get to watch it. :) Then after that is 24 hours of bedrest. Then cross the fingers and hope for a miracle or miracles.
This is all feeling really real. I know that we have the greatest support system in the world that is going to get us through this next month. Meanwhile I am going to keep thinking positive, working out, and trying to eat healthy. I just have to keep telling myself that I am Superwoman and I can do anything with the love and support of God and my family and friends. I am very blessed to have them in my life.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Amazing! Uplifting!
My friend put this on Facebook today and I listened to this song and I felt like this women was singing a song about my life. As I sat here with tears streaming down my cheeks, I thought of all of the other women I know that would appreciate this and have been in my shoes. May all of the women I know that are fighting infertility get an answer to their prayers and have their dreams come true.
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