Mother's Day Feelings

I wasn't going to post, but the way I am feeling right now and knowing that so many of you are feeling the same way deserves to be recognized.  We all know that the holidays can be hard, but then there is the Mother's Day holiday which feels like the biggest slap in a woman's face that is dealing with infertility.  If it isn't hard enough dealing with what we do, but to have a holiday to single you out for not having a child makes it that much harder.  I have the most amazing mom and I am so thankful to have her not only as my mom, but my best friend and I truly do treasure her even though on this day my heart is breaking.  A friend of mine said the other day how fitting it was that my medications showed up just a few days before Mother's Day as a way of saying this would be the last one I would have to endure without a child.  I hope that she is right.  I remember a few years ago how hard this holiday was after losing a child and it just seems that it only gets harder.  To all of you that are in the same boat as me, my prayer tonight will be that this be the last Mother's Day we each have to endure without a child in the tummy or an actual baby.  I also will pray that each of us get through this day with limited heartache and know that God has a plan for us.  Happy Future Mother's Day to all of my infertile friends and to my friends that read my blog with a child, thank you for inspiring me to keep fighting this battle to be an amazing mother like you!  <3

Mother's Day

This day is hitting me harder than I thought it would.  I was really doing alright until I got out and went to the store.  Seeing all of the happy families just did me in.  When I stopped by my parents house to drop off ice cream, my brother and his family was there.  I am happy for them that they have the family that they want, but it just a constant reminder.  I know that it sounds selfish, but people in my shoes know what I am talking about.  When I left, my mom walked me out and gave me a hug.  It just did me in.  I tried to stay strong, but it is so hard.  On the way home I just sobbed.  I am glad that we have days like this to give thanks to our parents, but it just leaves me wondering am I ever going to get that amazing feeling.

Bumps

There are definitely times during the month that are bumpier than others with my infertility journey, but the bumps lately have been a lot on my mind.  The other night I head about someone that was pregnant that really got to me.  This person doesn't take care of the child that she has, my nephew, and the state taxpayers are doing what she doesn't.  When I heard that from my brother in law, I was infuriated to say the least.  The only good thing is that the father isn't my brother in law this time, but still.  It just makes me angry to think that God blessed her with another child and hear I am still with a broken heart and without a baby.  Sigh... someday this will be easier, I just know it. 

Then add Mother's Day on top of that and I am a walking emotional mess.  I hate that my unhappiness with this holiday skews my opinion of it considering I have the most amazing mom in the world.  She is by my side through everything I go through and is truly my best friend.  I hope that she knows that, but I am pretty sure she does.  I would love for nothing more than to give her grandchild.