Do you have one of those days when you just want to sit and be by yourself with your thoughts? That would be today for me. Yesterday I had more blood work done (this will determine if I have PCOS or not. The doctor still doesn't think so, but we want to make sure.) and then had an amazing rest of the day with my mom, sister in law, and my nieces. It was great. During the day I had told my sister that I hadn't got a bill yet for anything and then I come home to the bill from Aetna. My mouth hit the floor. The bill alone for all of my bloodwork just made me want to cry. Then there was the bill from my doctor. Seriously...how are we going to afford this. All of the rest of our money is due May 2nd and it is a LOT!
Today I have been sitting trying to add up numbers and see how our cutting back has gone and it has gone better than I would like, but we will still be charging a HUGE number which I hate when I am debt free except for my house. I have friends that just keep saying it is money and get over it, but this isn't a for sure deal as most of you know and it is just a lot to think about when we would be finishing our basement, buying a new car, etc in which those are a for sure deal. I told you I am having one of those days. Today I was supposed to spend the day with friends as I am on spring break, but just didn't feel like it. Tomorrow I am supposed to go to the zoo with all of them and their kids and I am hoping I feel more like myself. This whole process is just hitting me.
I do have to add a funny though. Yesterday while watching my nieces, the 5 year old said my mommy said you are going to have babies. I told her I hope so and she said how many are you going to have, I said I don't know and then she added I hope that you have a dozen. I looked at her and laughed and said if I have a dozen, you can have one and name one. When I told Chris last night he said if that happens he gets his Gomez. :) See I had to end this not so wonderful post on a happy note as I am trying to think positive.
3 comments:
(((HUGS))) Those days are hard. To spend so much on something without a promised good result seems insane. But, let me tell you that when the end result is good - as I believe it will be for you!!! - you don't even mind it afterwards. OK, honestly, there are days when I think "oh, it'd be nice to be able to finish the basement or get the pool we always dreamed of." But then I look at my kids playing together and I don't even care.
You've been through a lot already. IVF is very different from IUIs, though. It takes so much of the guesswork out of it. They actually will see and be manipulating the eggs and sperm and they will learn so much from the process. It is still hard not to obsess over each little step, and I certainly did, but I feel confident that this will be your answer!
Oh, and a while back (I just went back and skim-read your whole blog) you posted that you just wanted to hear from someone for whom IVF worked. Well, I have a 6.5 year old from my 1st IVF, 4.5 yr old twins from my 3rd (I had a chemical pg my 2nd IVF), and a surprise natural 2.5 yr old daughter. And this was after MANY IUIs (I think like 8 total), and surgery to fix my uterus. Through IVF, we found out our problem was I have chromosomal problems with my eggs (because I get a good number of them, and the sperm are fine, but when we put them together, something happens that makes them turn abnormal). By eliminating all those bad eggs, we were left with the remaining good ones and when put back, they made beautiful babies. :) And I am praying that it will work out as well for you!!
Becky, I am so excited for you! I totally get the overwhelming feeling of the "money" thing as well. Money will come and go in your life so I am so glad you are going forward with IVF. I will keep you & Chris in my prayers as you begin this next step.
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