Getting By

A few days have passed since I blew my cool on here and I have had time to sit back and think a bit. I am still not happy to say the least, but in a better frame of mind. Right now who knows what we are going to do. I do know that I am going to the doctor tomorrow to discuss what happened this month with my hormones and what else I can do. I do know that there will be at least 6 months that I take off to relax and find myself again. Unless you have been in my shoes, it is hard for me to express to you what I endure each month. Between the constant meds that make you sick each day, injections, blood draws, internal ultrasounds to measure the eggs, your high hopes, the actual procedure with the catheter inserted into your cervix, the heavy cramping and pain afterwards, the waiting, and then finally the disappointment. That is just the highlights of each of my months and I have been doing this for over a year now. No wonder I am losing my mind. Like I said, I am doing better mentally, but time will only tell what our road is going to lead to. I just hope that God knows that I am not angry and I understand that everything happens for a reason, but he needs to know that this isn't making me stronger and it is only making me more doubtful on my plans of being a mom. God please be with Chris and I as we move down this road and figure out our path.