Roller Coaster

Wow, has my life been crazy since I wrote last week. I have been meaning to write in the past few days, but I keep getting distracted. Since I wrote on Thursday, my niece Bella was born on noon on Friday, Chris's grandpa died on Friday at 8pm, and I officially started my period over the weekend. If you can't tell Friday was definitely a day filled with mixed emotions. I went from being happy about my new niece Bella in my life to devastated about hearing the news about Papa's passing and seeing Chris's reaction. I have never seen Chris so upset. I thought the way that he handled my miscarriage was tough on him, but this leveled him and he wouldn't let me help him. He is finally coming around, but we are headed out to Mississippi on Thursday to be with his Nana and for Chris to have some closure. I am really hoping that this will help. We will be coming back on Sunday as I have a computer class to teach on Monday. Then on top of that I found out today that my dad is having surgery on Friday and then again on Monday to have the pin going through his foot taken out as he has an infection there which is eating away at the bone. I am praying and hoping that this doctor can get this issue resolved and cause my dad some much needed relief. It will be hard being gone while this is going on, but I will be sending all prayers my dad's way.

I went to my fertility doctor today as I had to have a scan of my ovaries to see that they were quiet right now as I am officially on my period. The good news is that they were quiet and there were no cysts. :) I really didn't think that there would be any as I haven't had any eggs except just this last month as I was on birth control before that, but they still have to check it out and take $330 out of my pocket for the scan. Any how, my nurse Marci and I were able to sit down and plan out my month. I can't tell you how excited I am about it. My nurse I think was shocked at my change in attitude. I really believe that last month was just a test to get my feet wet with this whole process. I still don't even feel like I went through it even though I had all of the pain from the procedures and shots, but my body just felt numb or maybe it was my heart. The whole month I was trying to be positive, but nothing seemed to be going our way and I was more or less just terrified to see a positive as I wasn't ready just yet to start on that road again. I know that is what I want, but I wasn't ready. However, I am more than ready now.

If you can't tell I am really pumped about this month and I am even OK with all of the treatments that I have to do. I know that my right ovary last month was dormant and didn't produce any eggs which was fine as my left ovary was working, but when I was pregnant in February, all of my eggs were on that side. I am not saying that is the difference between a negative and positive pregnancy test, but I feel like that is what needs to happen. I don't know for sure, I am just really excited and positive about this month. I really felt good being there and talking about everything.

Luckily my Dr gave me my injectable drug again which saves me $2500. I don't think she knows how much I appreciate that as we have shelled out THOUSANDS of dollars each month lately on this. I take my first dose later this week in which Chris will be the lucky one to administer it. Please send all positive thoughts and hormones my way this month as I know this is going to work. If for some reason it doesn't, I will be more than upset this month, but I will know that we have one more month to try all of this again before Chris and I take a much needed break. I know that I am meant to be a mommy and it will happen no matter what. I WILL SAY THIS IN ALL CAPS...I WILL BE PREGNANT BY THE END OF JULY NO MATTER WHAT! Thanks for your continued love and support!