Sigh....

I had to sit down and write tonight to get some serious heavy things off my chest. For one, I am spotting which makes me think that I will be starting in the next few days. I would of thought that I would be more upset than I am right now, but I am sure that will hit me later in the week. I do know that everything happened to fast this month and I ovulated a lot earlier than I thought which didn't give us a real chance. I am really hoping with the meds that I have left this month and my still stimulated ovaries that we can make this happen.

I wish I could explain how much we want this. We want this for so many reasons, but one of my reasons isn't even for myself or Chris, but for my mom and dad. I want my parents to be able to have a grandchild from their daughter. I want my parents to be an important role in my child's life. I want to be able to raise my child in the same manner I was raised by my incredible parents. I want to be able to pass on the wisdom and family traditions to my child the way my parents did for me. I want Chris to be able to carry on his blood and namesake into the future as that is something that is very important to him. I want to hear a baby call me mommy and not just on accident like my students do at school. I want to be able to celebrate the holidays and not feel so alone. I want to be woke up in the middle of the night to a baby crying that needs me. I want to provide for a child and give them everything that I have to give and more. There are so many reasons that I want a baby, but most importantly I want my family to grow and expand. I sure hope that God has heard my prayers and will help make my dreams a reality this coming month.