Emotions

I have been doing better lately and I am not sure why. I still have a husband that keeps asking me when can you do a test and talking all positively, when of course I am thinking how the hell could we get pregnant on our own this month. I would love for it to have happened and for all of this stress this past month to be for nothing. Oh what a dream come true that would be. I seriously think I would do flip flops like I was a kid again! Only another week or so and we will know, but like I said I am not expecting much.

The other day I was cleaning the "blue room" or what will eventually be my fish nursery and I saw something that did me in. Granted I have everything bought for that room and have ever since I saw the bedding at Pottery Barn Kids with all the fish on it, but when I saw the Raiders onesies hanging in the closet, it all hit me like a load of bricks. I bought those outfits when I found out I was pregnant for Chris. We have always joked that if we have a boy he is going to have a hard time choosing to root for the Raiders or the Chiefs. :) Seeing those outfits and booties just reminded me that I should be 8 months pregnant right now and 1 month from delivering. It is unreal to me to be honest with you. I think about that date and now that it is so close, I think it is more on my mind especially with the fact that we have been told more or less they are giving up on us at the fertility doctor. I just need to get through this next month and the 15th of November by doing something special on that day. Chris said that he will be fine, but I think it is going to hit him harder than he thinks. Oh wouldn't it be nice if we had a miracle by then. Please oh please God...