No Real Reason

For some reason tonight, I felt the urge to write. Maybe it has to do with the phone call I got last night from Chris as he was doing an overnight. For some reason our fertility issues have been the topic of conversation with his buddies which kind of creeps me out, but on the other hand makes me feel better knowing that Chris can open up about things. Any how, he is all about going to another doctor now that will start over with us and start at square one instead of doing Invitro. I am seriously at a loss for words. He said that more or less when Dr. Brabec told us no more, that he was finally feeling comfortable with things and was really and truly ready for this. What I wanted to say is what the hell were we doing this past year then! I mean seriously. I really didn't answer Chris either way when he said this, but of course this is all that has been going through my mind. I don't want to start over and I don't want to do IVF either, but we both want the same end result. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I just feel like screaming to be honest with you. It was a year ago at this time that we conceived the baby that I lost. Maybe we need to give it another go, but who knows. Can you say frustrated because that is what I am right now... The peace of mind I have had for the past few months with having a plan is now gone. I guess it will just be something we will have to talk about and weigh out everything. This roller coaster is never going to stop I feel like and to be honest I just want off.