Just Within My Reach

Lately I feel as if my wishes and dreams are just within my reach, but I can't reach them.  I am not sure what is bringing on these feelings, but our month of July hasn't started off good as usual.  We have been on the road lately saying good-bye to Chris's Nana in Mississippi.  She passed literally a year to the date that Papa did last year.  Emotions have been high as has stress in the family and between Chris and I.  I keep hearing her voice in my head telling Chris and I that she would give up her life for us to have a child and that is what she had been telling God.  Nana was a very spiritual person and talking to God and sharing his word was something she did numerous times a day.  When Chris and I started thinking about that and the fact that I should be ovulating, it made us both not want to even attempt conception this month.  I think he would of felt guilty and it would of creeped him out if we would of by some miracle had luck.  Then on top of that it has hit me that the end of my summer days are ticking away as are my chances of conception over the summer when stress was gone.  I really just don't know what to do.  Between all of that and hearing that yet another good friend is pregnant, I am just sad.  I know that the doctor said that I will have days like this, but today for some reason it has really hit me to the point I cancelled plans with friends as I just want to be by myself.  I know that doesn't sound good, but I just need to sort things out.